HarryG is offline HarryG Post #1  November 4,2009, 3:19pm
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is living life and wishes all on eHA well!

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So I open up my school email and lo and behold what is awaiting me there? An invitation from eHarmony to share my "Success Story" and be considered as one of the "Perfect Couples" that obnoxiously go on eH and tell everyone how to have a perfect relationship.

BWAA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!!

OK! ...*snort*....*giggle* let's deal in some facts shall we?

1. I NEVER met anyone on eH. I was rejected over 1000 times, and only had 7 dates out of a 4 year membership.

2. In the last 14 months I have had 3 relationships with 3 wonderful women-all of whom I met on my own accord through eHA. And I didn't pay a penny for the privilege.

3. All three of those relationships ended. So, I am not exactly the type of success story that they would like to promote-no?

So, my query to all of you cool and benevolent Stoopids is this: If eH were insane enough to actually *want* us to pen a column for them (OMG!!), what would YOU write??

Have at it!
 
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ThePriestess is offline ThePriestess Post #2  November 4,2009, 3:25pm
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It's a glow-in-the-dark compass ring, so you don't get lost.

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HarryG wrote :
An invitation from eHarmony to share my "Success Story" and be considered as one of the "Perfect Couples" that obnoxiously go on eH and tell everyone how to have a perfect relationship.
I want to know who the lucky lady is ... do tell Mr. Harry!!!

HarryG wrote :
So, my query to all of you cool and benevolent Stoopids is this: If eH were insane enough to actually *want* us to pen a column for them (OMG!!), what would YOU write??
Will need to give this some thought later after I've had sleep and am not under a tight deadline.
 
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Lostintranslation is offline Lostintranslation Post #3  November 4,2009, 3:29pm
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You need a nurse to save your life!

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Melbourne Beach, Florida

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*does her best Mary Katherine Gallagher impersonation from the movie Superstar*

I believe that my feelings can best be summed up in the 1986 Weird Al Yankovic parody in the style of Devo entitled 'Dare to Be Stupid'.


Put down that chain saw and listen to me.
It's time for us to join in the fight.
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
It's time to let the bedbugs bite.
You better put all your eggs in one basket.
You better count your chickens before they hatch.
You better sell some wine before its time.
You better find yourself an itch to scratch.

You better squeeze all the Charmin you can,
When Mr. Whipple's not around.
Stick your head in the microwave, and get yourself a tan.
Talk with your mouth full.
Bite the hand that feeds you.
Bite off more than you can chew.
What can you do?
Dare to be stupid.

Take some wooden nickels.
Look for Mr. Goodbar.
Get your mojo working now.
I'll show you how.
You can dare to be stupid.

You can turn the other cheek.
You can just give up the ship.
You can eat a bunch of sushi, then forget to leave a tip.
Dare to be stupid.

Come on and dare to be stupid.
It's so easy to do.
We're all waiting for you.
Let's go!

It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill.
So can I have a volunteer?
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk.
Now it's time for crying in your beer.
Settle down, raise a family, join the P.T.A.
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet.
Then party till you're broke, and they drag you away.
It's okay... you can dare to be stupid.

It's like spitting on a fish.
It's like barking up a tree.
It's like I said, you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free.
Dare to be stupid.

Yes. Why don't you dare to be stupid.
It's so easy, so easy to do.
We're all waiting for you.
Burn your candle at both ends.
Look a gift horse in the mouth.
Mashed potatoes can be your friends.

You can be a coffee achiever.
You can sit around the house
And watch "Leave It To Beaver."
The future's up to you.
So what you gonna do?
Dare to be stupid.
Dare to be stupid.

What did I say?
(Dare to be stupid.)
Tell me, what did I say?
(Dare to be stupid.)
It's all right.
(Dare to be stupid.)
We can be stupid all night.
(Dare to be stupid.)
Come on, join the crowd.
(Dare to be stupid.)
Shout it out loud.
(Dare to be stupid.)
I can't hear you.
(Dare to be stupid.)
Okay, I can hear you now.
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #4  November 4,2009, 4:11pm
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when it rain its pours.... menzzzz

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East of Haines Junction

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Dear EH

Thanks for Nothing

Sincerely

Hogrally
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #5  November 4,2009, 4:16pm
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is still out there

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lololololo hahahahaha TUHD! errr Dhut...ummmm THUD!
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #6  November 4,2009, 4:19pm
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is still out there

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Dear eH,
thank you for being such a waste of time that I FLED to eHA...
and found CSC!!!!
and the best people evah!
 
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winn is offline winn Post #7  November 4,2009, 6:53pm

Please tell me where I can find a normal man???

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Joined: Jan 2009

Chilliwack, BC, Canada

Posts: 4,772

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Dear eH,
I would like a refund of _$ for each man that has closed me out before attempting communication with me and found out what a terrific woman I am. I would also like _$ for every man that I have closed out for having no picture whatsoever up for me to peruse and for those matches that displayed incomplete profiles that left me with questions as to who they really were.

I'd also like compensation for each match that began communication with me and suddenly poofed without so much as a good-bye or thank you for taking the time to talk to me via email.

Last, but not least, I would expect compensation (again, monetary) for every flexible match from States greater than 5000 miles away that had nothing whatsoever in common with me.
Signed, Disgruntled eH user.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #8  November 4,2009, 7:13pm
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Canada

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My eH success story: I successfully terminated my membership after my initial six-month subscription ended. I also successfully turned off matching on my profile so that no poor saps would get matched with me and then wonder why I didn't respond to their communication requests.
 
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angelpoet is offline angelpoet Post #9  November 4,2009, 7:58pm
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is still out there

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Posts: 15,922

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dear eH,
I would like monetary compensation for the pain and suffering I experienced due to your matching system based on 29 dimensions... OF WHAT???
the guy in the WWII german uniform... like adolf... yeah THAT adolf... who stated his fav book is "The Art of War".... yeah great matching... thanks...
 
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hummingbird2009 is offline hummingbird2009 Post #10  November 4,2009, 8:43pm
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Quick Study

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Somewhere out there

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Ahh well, what do you expect? They want to make $$$$ and ironically it was a religious whatchamacallit in the beginning, but still dollars for them to make and that's all they're interested in. Took me a month to get my account closed and I realized my mistake after being active for only 2 months and getting leering photos of creepy matches and other matches that I don't even want to remember.

Makes me smile to see all of you meeting each other.
 
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