CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #1  September 19,2009, 4:23pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Here’s what happened.

Many people say, “what you see, is what you get,” but very few people really mean it. Well, when I say it I do. I have like quirks like most everyone else, but I don’t attempt to hide them. I work on fixing the flaws that I think need fixing, and the ones that I don’t…oh, well, just deal.

So, when someone says to me, “I just don’t see how he (referring to my the person I happen to be dating at the time) puts up with you,” my typical response is, “Well, he knew what he was getting into before he got into it.” I’m not very good at playing follow the leader in a relationship, but if my partner thinks he can lead, okay, I’ll give him a shot (skepticism not too far off). But if he tells me to take the lead and make the decisions, then game on: My world, my rules, shut up. Don’t complain about the decisions that I make.

So, when this guy, I’ll call him M1, started seeing each other, he seemed to want to set the tone for things (e.g., where we went, when we talked, what we did, etc.). Well, it seemed to me, right off that he struggled. I’m a very extroverted person, but I’m not trying to act like a college kid and throw down every night in the clubs.

He’s more than a few years older than me, and he goes out to these college kid hands looking 50 and trying to act 18 but is always home by 11:00. I rarely go to clubs, but I’m always “in the streets”. Although he says he’s extroverted as well, he seems an “extrovert wannabe”. He has difficulty maintaining conversation, chatting up new people, being spontaneous, and trying new adventures. And he kinda seemed bothered by not only don’t I have a problem engaging in any of those things, I do so frequently with twice his energy.

A few weeks ago, he told me that he felt that he was always initiating everything. Well, yeah, duh! He wanted to do the leading, but okay, I’m flexible. I decide that I can boost up my game. So, when I started initiating things, he wasn’t happy. For example, he knows I’m a late owl and he claimed to be one, too. Therefore, he would only call me late at night, but then always would fall asleep in the middle of the conversation.

So, when I started really initiating the calls, I would call at different times, sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the evening, sometimes at night (but not as late as he would call). He said anytime would be good, but no matter what time I called, he would tell me he’d call me later. And he would…very late at night, and then fall asleep on the phone. When I make plans, there’s always something about them that bothers him like there are too many people, too much smoke, too many stairs….yadda, yadda, yadda.

That leads up to what happened last night.

The last time I called him, he once again had said he would call me back. He was upset, I think, because while I was talking to him, I was multitasking (something I always do, especially when I’m on the phone. I’m good at it. Unlike some, I can chew gum and walk at the same time.) It was in the early evening on a Friday. Well, I went ahead and made plans for the night. At 11:06 PM, he decides to call. Okay, so I didn’t answer the phone. No, it wasn’t a game I was playing. I was hanging out with a mixed group of friends, just chatting, having drinks on the patio, and having a good time discussing all things stupid. All PG. I decide that I would call him the next day.

Well, last night a friend (F1) invited me (and a whole bunch others) over, because the weather has been horrible all week, and she has ordered pizza and rented out almost the entire comedy section of new releases at Blockbuster.

One by one, people start showing up, and pairing off. So, another mutual friend (F2) (female) like one of the guys who has showed up (M2). Well, M2 cracks one of those corny intellectual jokes that only a geek would tell and a nerd would get. I laugh, because I got it, and F2 is looking at me like she’s really ticked off. I wasn’t trying to score on her man (M2), and he wasn’t hitting on me when he smiled. He was just appreciative that he wasn’t the only person laughing.

So F2 turns to me and has the following conversation:

F2: “I thought you and M1 were dating.”

Me: “We are.”

F2: “Well, where is he?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

F2: “What do you mean you don’t know?”

That’s when it dawns on me that I had forgotten to call him back and hadn’t talked to him in three weeks. Oops!!! Now, he knows my memory slips at times, and I can be bad at returning calls. So, I checked my email from my phone. (I can be bad about checking email, too.) Nada from him.
F1: “How do you just forget about your boyfriend? Not even miss him?”

F2: “Aren’t you going to call him?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

F2: “That’s not normal.”

F1: “You’re the world’s worst girlfriend.”

So, now, it’s like, am I the dumper or the dumpee? I would think that it's over. Wouldn't you?

BTW, M2 called today and asked me to have lunch with him. He had coupons for free lunches. He said he would have invited F2, but he thought she'd be insulted if he used coupons and didn't pay for the food. He didn't want to coupons to go to waste; didn't have anyone else to go with; knew I liked the place, and knew that I like free stuff even more.
Last edited by CreolePrincess; September 19,2009 at 4:26pm.
 
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TinkerKat is offline TinkerKat Post #2  September 19,2009, 4:39pm
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is thinking....dangerous, I know....

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Well, first ~ is M1 someone you're dating casually or your boyfriend? Big difference (IMHO). Three weeks is a long time to not talk to a boyfriend/girlfriend. He said he would call you back and yet waited three weeks? (I would think it was over.)

Second - did you go to lunch with M2?
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #3  September 19,2009, 4:55pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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To be completely honest, I don't know.

M1 and I had been seeing each other since July. I guess you could call it exclusive, as I wasn't dating anyone else, and to my knowledge he wasn't either. We didn't really have "that" conversation, but he had indicated that he didn't want me seeing other people. At the time we started going out, I was really too busy to try to jungle more than one guy at a time anyway even if I had wanted to.

M2 and I did have lunch together today, but it was completely innocent. It wasn't just us, either. He had eight coupons, which turned out to be counterfeit. (That's another story.) So, we called up some more people we knew to join.
 
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derrr is offline derrr Post #4  September 19,2009, 4:56pm
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derrr, derrr, derrr!

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And what was the intellectually geeky, nerdy joke?
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #5  September 19,2009, 4:59pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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derrr wrote :
And what was the intellectually geeky, nerdy joke?
I think I'm too embarrassed to repeat it.
 
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jsbach is offline jsbach Post #6  September 19,2009, 5:01pm
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Whether it's over or not, why not let it be not?
Seems like your situation with him is pretty lackluster.

PLUS....What is up with him asking you to do the leading and then finding fault with your selections? Then he calls so late that he falls asleep on the phone, but you're not suppose to multitask when you are talking to him on the phone. Well, at least you're awake!

To me he sounds like Arrested development. A passive/aggressive "man" looking for a mommy to make sure he is happy.

It's been my experience that these kind are easy to be rid of. If you don't pursue him, you probably won't hear from him.

If he doesn't have a new mommy by now, he will soon.
Last edited by jsbach; September 19,2009 at 5:25pm. Reason: I really liked your story! I was captivated trying to keep all the M & F, 1 &2's straight. This is a true story?
 
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derrr is offline derrr Post #7  September 19,2009, 5:02pm
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CreolePrincess wrote :
I think I'm too embarrassed to repeat it.
I do believe that that is what PM's are for
Last edited by derrr; September 19,2009 at 5:02pm. Reason: Did you not see my smiley?! :B
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #8  September 19,2009, 5:02pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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What's bad about the situation is that I feel bad about not feeling bad about it.

I'm dumped. I'm dumped not. I'm dumped. I'm dumped not.

I dumped him. I dumped him not. I dumped him. I dumped him not.
 
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derrr is offline derrr Post #9  September 19,2009, 5:08pm
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CreolePrincess wrote :
What's bad about the situation is that I feel bad about not feeling bad about it.
Well, there you go. It seems that the only thing missing is closure. The "it's over" comment.
 
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rogerlee5 is offline rogerlee5 Post #10  September 19,2009, 5:14pm
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just enjoys watching the sun come up.. or the clouds brighten..

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ooops... sorry, i thought this was csc... (closes door quietly as he backs away from the fire)

hold it!! hold it!! (stops door from closing with head) i have heard this one!! who is on first right?? and what is on second?? and m3 was at home plate.. (runs away thinking "sometimes i just crack myself up..")
 
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