curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #1  June 7,2009, 12:16am
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looks catch the eye, personality captures the heart :)

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Quick; calling all huzzies and any keepers who want to offer advice.

Tomorrow I'm going to be around Lee for several hours. A sort of family day with Nate; who doesn't understand why we haven't been having those days.

I've REALLY been missing him (and avoiding him due to that). He's noticed the avoidance and commented on it. He wants us to at least be friends. Honestly; he wants more than friends and less than together. You know. NOT what I want. At all. And I know he is not the one for me so I don't need to entertain thoughts of him at all in any other capacity than Nate's dad.

Being friends is sort of like your dog dying and your mama saying you can still keep it; in my book. At least at this point.

I need strength...and a butt whooping just to make sure I keep him at arm's length.
Last edited by curious_girl; June 7,2009 at 1:20am. Reason: because insomnia is bad for my spelling skills lol
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #2  June 7,2009, 12:50am
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when it rain its pours.... menzzzz

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My step mom was widowed at a young age with 3 kids. She married her late hubby's brother and had 3 more kids. I just think that even 40 years ago that is creepy and nasty and so very wrong. Because you are a smart , loving and independent woman I am sure you catch my point here. It was wrong then and it is still worng today.
 
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multitask is offline multitask Post #3  June 7,2009, 12:58am
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missing my honey....

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Hi CG, It's not about what he wants any longer..he forfeited that right when he betrayed you.
You will have to spend time with him sometimes for the sake of your son.And that's all there is to it.
You are a strong and smart woman and you will do fine...
Last edited by multitask; June 7,2009 at 1:28am. Reason: coz i can't spell any longer..
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #4  June 7,2009, 1:20am
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looks catch the eye, personality captures the heart :)

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Thanks, ladies. Hugs.
 
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mermaid2244 is offline mermaid2244 Post #5  June 7,2009, 1:26am
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Biostatistics! Whose idea was this anyway?

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You do not have to spend time with him. He is your son's father, but it is much more confusing to kids to have their parents sort of together and sort of not. This guy has poor boundaries - doesn't mean you have to let him violate yours.
 
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Lostintranslation is offline Lostintranslation Post #6  June 7,2009, 3:37am
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CG - write down the list of things you seem to forget when you are around him and put it in your pocket and refer to it as often as you need. Before you go, review the list. You could get a t-shirt that has an arrow like those I'm with stupid t-shirts that says: my ex - also had sex with my sister.

What I mostly want to say is this: Some day, perhaps not anytime soon, you will be able to see him for what he really is. Right now and in these months passing, you have seen the potential - loved the potential - not the man. He's betrayed you and disappointed you and still you see the potential - let the potential go because he will never grow into what you love. This doesn't mean he wasn't worth your time and effort - but he has done nothing to maintain the feelings that you want to give to him - and going forward - will do nothing to earn or keep them either.
 
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fino4beat is offline fino4beat Post #7  June 7,2009, 4:42am
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The stranger.....

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Every time you start to soften towards him, picture him with your sister. Imagine graphic details. Everything he does that makes YOU melt, picture him doing it to her. Picture him whispering the exact same things in HER ear that he does in yours. In the beginning, this will pi$$ you off, so use this tactic with care around your son. But the more you do that, the more it will start to just disgust you. This may also affect your feelings towards your sister, but she's your sister and that relationship can be fixed if you want it to be fixed. You don't want to "fix" your relationship with him, you just want to redefine it. This is aversion therapy. If picturing him with your sister doesn't work (but it will), every time you see some skank walking down the street when you have to be around him, picture him with HER. I mean really, if he'll do your sister, he'll do ANYbody, right? And probably has. Repeat as necessary.....
 
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dac830 is offline dac830 Post #8  June 7,2009, 7:08am
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sez ... its hard to be pithy when there is no one to pith with...

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CG... I'm sorry I missed this last night... I was having several glasses of wine... or perhaps whine... anyhoot...

I really like Auntie LiT's suggestion... she ALWAYS gives the best advice.. that is why she is our revered Huzzie Queen...

Write out a list of reasons why you don't want him in your life... keep it in a pocket and handy... when you feel yourself slipping, take it out and re-read it... I believe that will help... and I would also recommend that at all times, keep someone or something between you... keep the space and over time it should get easier...

Lots of Huzzie hugzzz and kizzzzezzz
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #9  June 7,2009, 7:36am
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dog slimed!

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mermaid2244 wrote :
You do not have to spend time with him. He is your son's father, but it is much more confusing to kids to have their parents sort of together and sort of not. This guy has poor boundaries - doesn't mean you have to let him violate yours.
+1000
Listen to her, C_G. She's spot on! Be strong...and think of it as being only about you and your son: being a good mom by minimizing the confusion in your son's life...
Good luck!
 
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jsbach is offline jsbach Post #10  June 7,2009, 8:26am
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WHERE DO I START?????

1. I can't STAND this dude!!! He is SLIME !!!
BUT nobody's all bad. The decent qualities and wonderful potential you saw in him are the only things he passed to your son.

2. Love what the other girls have said. Especially fino's aversion therapy. That would really work for me if I were in your situation.

3. Sweetie, I will personality come down and WHIP YOUR HIDE if you don't follow all our instructions!!!
Don't make me stop this car !!!

4. Read #3. again. I KNOW where you live. It could take me about 11 hrs. to drive. I got me some new tires and the car is more than road ready !!

5. We LOVE you, CG. You are our little one and may God help the creep that hurts you.

6. You are a dear sweet young lady. One of my favorite sayings is "He who can have patience can have what he will." Wait for the one who is worthy of you. I believe strongly he is waiting for you, too. Remember this.
 
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