100 Things I'm not going to do now that I'm 50.....


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fino4beat is offline fino4beat Post #1  April 25,2009, 3:40pm
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Installment 1 (from cute book a girlfriend sent me along with a box of free samples from Wally's, lol)


1. Repeat myself.


The early symptoms are simple reprises of favorite phrases. Soon, you notice your audience is beginning to nod and finish your sentences. I'm doing an end-run around this conversation roadblock by ending my sentences with nonsense. "I woke up at 2, and, as hard as I tried, I couldn't get back to..."


"Sleep," says the impatient listener.


"Ohio," I say.





2. Be honest about my age.


Compulsive truth-telling, an offshoot of the sexual revolution, was easy to espouse when we were 25. As a lifelong behavior, it's seriously in need of modification.





3. Introduce body parts as topics of conversation.


In New England there's a group of women in their 60s who have been friends for 40 years and who meet annually for a long weekend at a good spa. Their first event, on Friday night, is an "organ recital." Everyone recites ad nauseum the state of her organs - heart, hooterus, lungs, kidneys - and other anatomical conditions. As it should be, for the rest of the weekend the subject of personal health is taboo.





4. Show cleavage.


If I feel an overwhelming need to wear a halter top or plunging neckline, I'll confine myself to the garden, where, as ancient fertility symbols, what breasts I may be fortunate enough to keep might productively inspire a nonvisual species. (Okay, maybe this is one I won't stick to. I still have fairly bodacious tatas....)





5. Countenance Bee Ess.


Our carpometers should be in near-perfect working order, finely tuned by bosses, teenagers and assorted marginally employed relatives. After 50, when the delicate gauge registers in the red zone, we can give audible alerts. Much like the important brooch or the scarf of our younger lives, the Bee Ess alert can be a personal trademark. "Bullschiatt" is too much to the point for everyday use; "pshaw" is impossible to pronounce. My mother says, "That's the most riduculous thing I've ever heard," a phrase that I'll avoid for emotional reasons. One friend says, "Interesting;" another mutters something in Portuguese and crosses herself. Athough I haven't settled on my trademark scoff yet, to enhance my general elegance I'm phasing out "What a crock."





Installment 2 tomorrow.
 
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dc52758 is offline dc52758 Post #2  April 25,2009, 3:48pm
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in response to "Showing Cleavage" This isn't something I'll stop doing I have a couple of good parts left and that includes the "girls"
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #3  April 25,2009, 3:48pm
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LOL!!! That's great fino. So does this mean we get 20 installments of 5? You really know how to keep us on the hook.
 
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fino4beat is offline fino4beat Post #4  April 25,2009, 3:52pm
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dc52758,593551 wrote :

in response to "Showing Cleavage" This isn't something I'll stop doing I have a couple of good parts left and that includes the "girls"
That's what I'm sayin'!
 
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fino4beat is offline fino4beat Post #5  April 25,2009, 3:53pm
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MelinCali,593552 wrote :

LOL!!! That's great fino. So does this mean we get 20 installments of 5? You really know how to keep us on the hook.
Depends on how froggy I feel. If I feel like typing more than 5 tomorrow I will.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #6  April 25,2009, 3:56pm
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MelinCali,593552 wrote :

LOL!!! That's great fino. So does this mean we get 20 installments of 5? You really know how to keep us on the hook.
I'm betting we get 20 installments of the first 5


see point 1 above about repeating self ;-)
 
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dac830 is offline dac830 Post #7  April 25,2009, 4:09pm
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sez ... its hard to be pithy when there is no one to pith with...

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dc52758,593551 wrote :

in response to "Showing Cleavage" This isn't something I'll stop doing I have a couple of good parts left and that includes the "girls"
50 is in my rear view mirror and I have been told I need to learn how to grow old gracefully...

I say s c r e w 'em... I wear my cleavage proudly!
 
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fino4beat is offline fino4beat Post #8  April 25,2009, 4:15pm
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peg099,593564 wrote :

MelinCali,593552 wrote :


LOL!!! That's great fino. So does this mean we get 20 installments of 5? You really know how to keep us on the hook.


I'm betting we get 20 installments of the first 5


see point 1 above about repeating self ;-)
I haven't vowed not to be senile! Heck, I might repeat the first 5 a few times just to see if anybody notices.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #9  April 25,2009, 5:01pm
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fino4beat,593582 wrote :

peg099,593564 wrote :


MelinCali,593552 wrote :


LOL!!! That's great fino. So does this mean we get 20 installments of 5? You really know how to keep us on the hook.


I'm betting we get 20 installments of the first 5


see point 1 above about repeating self ;-)


I haven't vowed not to be senile! Heck, I might repeat the first 5 a few times just to see if anybody notices.
Just be warned - there are a few of us young upstarts under the age of 50 around here ;-)
 
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m8se69 is offline m8se69 Post #10  April 25,2009, 5:06pm
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peg099,593608 wrote :

fino4beat,593582 wrote :


peg099,593564 wrote :


MelinCali,593552 wrote :


LOL!!! That's great fino. So does this mean we get 20 installments of 5? You really know how to keep us on the hook.


I'm betting we get 20 installments of the first 5


see point 1 above about repeating self ;-)


I haven't vowed not to be senile! Heck, I might repeat the first 5 a few times just to see if anybody notices.


Just be warned - there are a few of us young upstarts under the age of 50 around here ;-)
A little over 3 months to still say "thirty" as the first half of my age!!!


Fino, what day is your birthday? I hope we didn't miss it...
 
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