ActionSoftGuy is offline ActionSoftGuy Post #1  May 10,2009, 6:55pm
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This is another thread I'm starting based on winn's comment from another thread. She mentioned that she and her late husband were 10 years different in age when they married, he 30, she 20.


I'm curious what people think about difference in age. In general I find myself tending to prefer a woman 1-4 years younger. I was once attracted to someone 8 years younger, but seriously wondered if that was too big an age difference. Seeing the other people she hangs out with, and how little I have in common with that age group, I'm not sure it'd work out. (It's a moot point anyway as I heard she was interested in someone else anyway... someone else close to her own age.)


I dated someone only half a year younger than me once, and the level of spiritual maturity and intelligence she has was incredible. I'm not sure I'd be able to find that in someone a bit younger, hence why I'm hesitant to date anyone too young myself.


Curious what others think. And winn, if you're reading this, I"m curious about your experiences -- if you ever felt that you and your husband lived in somewhat different worlds due to your age difference. (I feel like, at 20 vs. 30, it's a bit more of a difference than, say, 30 vs. 40, due to stages of life.)
 
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Share3 is offline Share3 Post #2  May 10,2009, 8:07pm
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In my first marriage he was 6 years older, we married when I was 19, and we were married for 24 years before he chose to leave. In my second marriage I was a year younger, and that marriage lasted for 6 years. I have been single for over 5 years now. I have dated a couple of guys several years older than me (one 17 yrs & the other 13 yrs older), and I have dated one 4 years younger than me. Ithink at my age now, almost 56, the age difference can be wider.


It sounds like you know what kind of personality, character, and maturity you are seeking. If you are 30 years old (I didn't check your profile), then I think youmost likely willfind the lady you're looking for in the ages 25 to 30 years. If you ever findyourself single when you get several years older (hopefully you don't), then I think you can widen the age range.
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #3  May 10,2009, 8:23pm
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I agree that when you're younger the range is more narrow and widens out as you get older. Whether it is tradition, conditioning, nature, or whatever it does appear that in most relationships the guy is older. I think most women like the idea of being with a man who is at least a little more mature and is stable and steady. Most of the time this means he's going to be somewhat older. I think men like to feel like leaders in the relationship and to lead they feel they need to have had more life experience so they're more attracted to those that are younger. Since this arrangment appears to be the preferences of both then it seems to work out pretty good. There are always exceptions, but this is probably going to be the rule.


As far as specific age differences a girl in her early to mid 20's is going to probably want to stay within 5 years of their age. As they get up into their late 20's then that will widen out to 7 or 8 years, and once they are in their early 30's that will go up to 10 or 11. Mid 30's and beyond, and you'll see the acceptable range widen out to 15 and higher.


When it comes to online dating this puts women in their 50's and beyond into a tough place because most of the guys in their 50's are looking for a woman in their 40's, and they may not want to go out with a guy in their mid-60's and 70's.


The advantage that a Christian woman has is knowing that God can easily pick someone out that is going to be right for them no matter what the age difference is.


Personally I've always seen myself with someone in the early 30's. This works out for me because it is more likely they would have children that are closer to my youngest ones ages, and they are probably at an age where they would not want additional children.
 
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last12C is offline last12C Post #4  May 10,2009, 8:32pm
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I am coming up on 50 now. I didn't even meet my husband until I was 38 - he was 2 years older than me. Worked out perfectly. Since he passed away I have been kind of blundering around trying to figure outthe bestage range for me. I am in the black hole that many women my age find themselves. I started out being rather hard core about finding someone my age or up to 5 years older. But after several experiences I am finding myself more compatible with the 40-50 age range. I am pretty active and am a bit of a fitness nut and I have had a hard time finding a 50-55 year old man that is similarly minded. Most who are seem to think they need a 30 year old woman. So there's the black hole. I am not obsessed with looks but I just cannot match with an obese couch potato. I really want someone who shares my views on lifestyle. I don't want to have to make two meals everyday and I would love to be able to share activities with my spouse.And I will admit it: Ihave already buried one husband - I would like to find someone who is at least trying to take care ofhimself so that I don't have to go through that againin the near future.


On the spiritual side of things I will just say that I am horrendously disappointed with what I am finding out there. Age range has made no difference that I can see in this area. Most of the men that I have met who call themselves Christian are surprisinglyBiblically illiterate, don't go to church, don't havean active walk or any real convictionand just kind of want their wife to drag them along. I have been really hoping to find a man who is willing and able to be the spiritual head of the household, but I am getting very depressed about my prospects. My first marriage was a truly Christian, fully submitted marriage. I am convinced that this is the absolute ideal and it is important to meto find someone who is open to that.
 
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winn is offline winn Post #5  May 10,2009, 9:14pm

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ActionSoftGuy, wrote :

This is another thread I'm starting based on winn's comment from another thread. She mentioned that she and her late husband were 10 years different in age when they married, he 30, she 20.


I'm curious what people think about difference in age. In general I find myself tending to prefer a woman 1-4 years younger. I was once attracted to someone 8 years younger, but seriously wondered if that was too big an age difference. Seeing the other people she hangs out with, and how little I have in common with that age group, I'm not sure it'd work out. (It's a moot point anyway as I heard she was interested in someone else anyway... someone else close to her own age.)


I dated someone only half a year younger than me once, and the level of spiritual maturity and intelligence she has was incredible. I'm not sure I'd be able to find that in someone a bit younger, hence why I'm hesitant to date anyone too young myself.


Curious what others think. And winn, if you're reading this, I"m curious about your experiences -- if you ever felt that you and your husband lived in somewhat different worlds due to your age difference. (I feel like, at 20 vs. 30, it's a bit more of a difference than, say, 30 vs. 40, due to stages of life.)
Ahah!! So what do I think of age difference? The funny thing is I never felt connected to guys my own age because, at the age of 20 I found a lot of them were very immature still and didn't know what they wanted for their lives. I have always been attracted to men that are older than me because I seem to relate better to them. I have to admit though, when I was married there were some experiences that my husband had that i couldn't have had because I was younger. They were things that happened before my time, mostly having to do with fads, concerts, styles, movies, those type of things but for the most part, my husband and I liked the same taste in music, movies, styles, etc. We had a lot of the same hobbies. We both liked gardening and doing home renovations. We thought the same way spiritually, politically and when it came to raising a family. Overall, there was not a lot that we weren't in tune with.


Even now, most of my friends are five to ten years older than me and I have a hard time reminding myself that i am not even 50 yet. Looking for another spouse is sometimes a little strange because I have stretched my age search area from 45 to 59. Men that I have found at my own age level or just a year or two younger or older seem awfully young to me.


I do, however, have my limits. I recently dated a guy who was 65. Someone who I knew from years ago and had learned that i was single and was interested in having coffee with me. I found him to be a very old 65 and felt he was way to close to my father's age. Not only that but my father, who is 73 is much younger, healthier and active than this man was. I think my limit for age is probably 12 years older than me and no more than two to three years younger than me.
 
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winn is offline winn Post #6  May 10,2009, 9:21pm

Please tell me where I can find a normal man???

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By the way, when my husband and I first started dating, he had no idea how old I was. He thought we were only a couple years apart in age. He was shocked when he learned that he was dating a woman ten years his junior.I, however, knew from the beginning that he was that much older than me. I just assumed he knew that as well and was surprised when i found out hehad no idea what my age actually was. So obviously, the years didn't make much difference to us on all the key points.
 
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ActionSoftGuy is offline ActionSoftGuy Post #7  May 10,2009, 10:33pm
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last12C,612846 wrote :

On the spiritual side of things I will just say that I am horrendously disappointed with what I am finding out there. Age range has made no difference that I can see in this area. Most of the men that I have met who call themselves Christian are surprisinglyBiblically illiterate, don't go to church, don't havean active walk or any real convictionand just kind of want their wife to drag them along. I have been really hoping to find a man who is willing and able to be the spiritual head of the household, but I am getting very depressed about my prospects. My first marriage was a truly Christian, fully submitted marriage. I am convinced that this is the absolute ideal and it is important to meto find someone who is open to that.
That's too bad to hear, but all too typical most likely. In general, it seems men (myself included) are typically less mature (both spiritually, and in general) than women of the same age. And many are not seeking to become good leaders.


Interesting that you would mention physical activity level. Could you elaborate more on this? Because I like to stay fairly active myself, but have wondered how important it is that my wife share this. Sometimes I've wondered if it's a superficial things that I shouldn't have on my "want list". But other times I think maybe it's important. But I honestly don't know where the physically active, *godly* women are. At least around my age.
 
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ActionSoftGuy is offline ActionSoftGuy Post #8  May 10,2009, 10:36pm
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Very interesting reading, by the way. Keep the posts coming! I feel like there is this vast community of mentors out there I can learn from. :-)
 
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last12C is offline last12C Post #9  May 10,2009, 10:54pm
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ActionSoftGuy,612947 wrote :


last12C,612846 wrote :


On the spiritual side of things I will just say that I am horrendously disappointed with what I am finding out there. Age range has made no difference that I can see in this area. Most of the men that I have met who call themselves Christian are surprisinglyBiblically illiterate, don't go to church, don't havean active walk or any real convictionand just kind of want their wife to drag them along. I have been really hoping to find a man who is willing and able to be the spiritual head of the household, but I am getting very depressed about my prospects. My first marriage was a truly Christian, fully submitted marriage. I am convinced that this is the absolute ideal and it is important to meto find someone who is open to that.


That's too bad to hear, but all too typical most likely. In general, it seems men (myself included) are typically less mature (both spiritually, and in general) than women of the same age. And many are not seeking to become good leaders.


Interesting that you would mention physical activity level. Could you elaborate more on this? Because I like to stay fairly active myself, but have wondered how important it is that my wife share this. Sometimes I've wondered if it's a superficial things that I shouldn't have on my "want list". But other times I think maybe it's important. But I honestly don't know where the physically active, *godly* women are. At least around my age.


Well, I usually spendat least2 hours a day working out (I have been off my schedule due to injuries and illness lately but ME AND WINNIE ARE STARTING MONDAY), so at minimum I have to have someone who is not going to carp every time I get onto the treadmill or whip out my TRX and kettlebells. But there is also the whole lesiure time thing. I can't stand to be cooped up in the house all day. I want to be out doing something. I'm not really into sports but I do like golfing and biking and hiking and boating and camping and such. If my spouse did not share some of these activities I would hardly see him. Or worse, I would have to give up everything that gives me pleasure. A lot of the guys that I have been matched with think thata big day out is seeing a movie and stopping for coffee. Or worse, they want to stay in and watch movies or play video games. Can... not... do... it! I'd go freaking crazy! Or worse, I'd stay in and play video games with them and watch my backside spread outlike an old oak tree.And then I'd have to listen to him complain about howI don't look the way I did when he married me!


BTW - try Googling Christian Fun in California. The Crossroad Hikers are very active in your area.


Oh WOW! I just checked out the website and it sounds like they now have a zipline course at Mile High Pines! I wanna goooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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