Trusting a person that does not love animals to the same degree?


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bookhead is offline bookhead Post #1  October 28,2009, 5:56pm
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I have been getting a lot of matches on E-Harmony, and one of the questions I have to ask when doing the "guided communication" route is "Are pets an important part of your life?". The problem arises when I have a match that seems ideal in every other regard, but they answer this particular question with any other answer than "A. I have several pets and they are like family to me." Next down on the list is "My pet is a nice addition to my life but no serious emotional attachment." This bodes ill for me, what is the point of having a creature so dependent on you for care and love and so desirous of your affections when their is no emotional attachment? The only thing I find more suspicious is when they say they have pets, but they don't allow them inside. Not that I would have the horse inside with me but he/she would certainly have a nice room inside the stables! Am I being too judgmental here? If a person is capable of having a creature that is all about unconditional love and yet not capable of forming an emotional commitment for that creature, that is a serious character flaw, right? What are my chances of happiness with such a person?
 
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k9force is offline k9force Post #2  October 30,2009, 6:33pm
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This is a big issue for me, too. I always ask the "pets" question right away. Recently I began guided communication with a match and he responded with the "no serious emotional attachment" answer. Of course, in GC, you really have no way to explain yourself, so someone advised me to continue and ask him to explain later on in open communication.

Like you, bookhead, I wonder if such a person would be compatible with me. Would they understand when I spend a large sum of money for medicine or surgery for my dog? If I were away, would they care for my pets as I do? My pets are a high priority in my life and I need someone who will respect my feelings and hopefully share my love of them.

My best friend wants to set me up with an acquaintance of hers, but she says he probably wouldn't want pets in the house. "They'll do just fine out in the barn..." I told her I'd sleep there, too!

I don't think you are being too judgmental. It's not asking too much to want someone to be on the "same page" on such an important issue.
 
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bookhead is offline bookhead Post #3  November 23,2009, 9:42am
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Thank You K9Force, I appreciate the feedback and the knowledge that it isn't just me...
 
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k9force is offline k9force Post #4  November 24,2009, 11:03am
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You're welcome! In talking to others with pets, they feel the same way. I've known people who have even given up beloved pets to enter into a relationship. I wouldn't expect someone to give up their children for me -- I'd be very hurt and angry if someone asked me to find homes for my pets. I'd rather stay single.

I've also noticed that there are varying degrees of "pet people". There are those such as myself who consider their pets to be family and would go to great lengths for their happiness. Others love them until the first puddle on the floor appears or the pet costs a lot in vet bills. Others still consider their pets to be no more than property. Some hunters and farmers (please notice I said some!) fit into this category. So even if I find someone who owns or claims to love animals may not fill the bill for me.
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bookhead is offline bookhead Post #5  November 30,2009, 5:02pm
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This topic actually reminds me of hurricane Katrina and all of the pets that were left behind. It quickly came to light that the authorities were telling people they could not take their pets with them. I'm sorry, but I could not place my own safety above those that I love and care for. The authorities would literally have had to incapacitate me to get me to leave my babies behind, I would have refused to go and would have fought tooth and nail if they attempted to force me!!! We would leave together or not at all!!! I raised them from puppies after rescueing them from less loving homes, I am responsible for them! I cherish the love they have for me, the trust they have in me, I could never betray that!!!
 
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k9force is offline k9force Post #6  November 30,2009, 9:50pm
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Many sad stories of pets left behind came out of Katrina. I heard many accounts of people attempting to flee to safety with their pets and were told the animals were not welcome. I would be devastated!

I highly recommend reading "Out of Harm's Way" by Terri Crisp. She is the former director of Emergency Animal Rescue Service (EARS) going from disaster to disaster setting up shelters for pets left behind. It's so good to know someone is looking out for the animals.

After Katrina, I heard authorities realized the importance of the human/animal bond and were re-thinking their policies. I guess it remains to be seen if any changes are implemented.
 
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IndigoLeo is offline IndigoLeo Post #7  January 24,2010, 11:47am
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I also have this, well, I wouldn't call it a problem because I don't consider my pets an issue, but maybe an obstacle on eHarmony. A lot of matches so far have liked animals, but a "Oh ya we have a turtle for a few weeks as a kid before getting rid of it."

So, yea, I immediately ask about how they feel on pets/animals in general. If they have opinions such as 'outdoors only' or 'they're ok, but I don't like traveling with them, having them along, etc' then I close the match simply because I Do as much as I can with my pets, I work in a vet clinic, I want to get involved in serious pet competition (for fun haha) and I love traveling to animal events, so I consider it a character flaw for a romantic interest if they do not have at least some obsession with dogs haha!

I don't think you're being too judgemental when it comes to people who can not have emotional attachment to a dog versus a car or what not. If it's a serious thing to you than it's important enough to judge on someone you might want to be in a committed relationship with; if they can't understand why you would stay behind in a Katrina type situation instead of abandoning lives that literally depend on you, even if it's not human, then it probably wouldn't be a good match, right?

I once had a match who asked me how much time I spend with my animals, and I responded with all the time and joked that my sheltie gets grumpy when she isn't in the passenger seat of my truck, and the match was closed. So if someone can't handle that goofiness, then you might as well hang out with your pets while waiting for a match that can!
 
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TexasTransplant is offline TexasTransplant Post #8  January 26,2010, 9:00am
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k9force wrote :
I've also noticed that there are varying degrees of "pet people". There are those such as myself who consider their pets to be family and would go to great lengths for their happiness. Others love them until the first puddle on the floor appears or the pet costs a lot in vet bills. Others still consider their pets to be no more than property. Some hunters and farmers (please notice I said some!) fit into this category. So even if I find someone who owns or claims to love animals may not fill the bill for me.


I work with pets professionally and am truly amazed by the variability of people's attachment to animals. Personally, I can't imagine life without them. They are not replacements for the children I've actively chosen never to have. They are however an intergal part of my life.

I'm also a bit turned off by people who truly view their pets as "furkids"- replacements for humans, and I've never understood the need to anthropomorphize. I appreciate my dogs (I have had cats, but prefer dogs seriously) as dogs and love them for what they are. They are truly a wonder of nature.

Mel
 
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BlueHorse is offline BlueHorse Post #9  February 4,2010, 4:43pm
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Yep, I ask the "pet question" pretty early on too! And actually, because of some bad experiences, if I have a match that doesn't consider their pets as family, I close that match soon after.

The reason why is because that person is never going to understand my need to spend as much money on my dog for the holidays as much as I have for a bf, or why I called in sick from work because my dog is dying and I didn't want her to be alone or scared, .... and they will definetly not be ok with her sleeping in the bed (sometimes even stealing blankets and pillows).

Animals have always been and will always be a big part of my life and whether for better or worse, I'm unwilling to give that part of my life up just for some person that I met online.
 
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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #10  May 7,2010, 6:17pm
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TexasTransplant wrote :
I work with pets professionally and am truly amazed by the variability of people's attachment to animals. Personally, I can't imagine life without them. They are not replacements for the children I've actively chosen never to have. They are however an intergal part of my life.

I'm also a bit turned off by people who truly view their pets as "furkids"- replacements for humans, and I've never understood the need to anthropomorphize. I appreciate my dogs (I have had cats, but prefer dogs seriously) as dogs and love them for what they are. They are truly a wonder of nature.

Mel
My ex used to refer to them as our "fuzz-children", which I found charming. I do too, but they are my dogs as well. I don't dress'em up, or anything stupid like that!
 
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