BeccaH is offline BeccaH Post #1  July 8,2009, 1:20pm
BeccaH's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

Hi, I just joined this group. I just joined eharmony a couple of weeks ago and have been writing a guy since then almost daily. We are going to try going out in a week. It will be my first date since I was widowed 3 years ago and I am a little nervous. Guess that is normal but how do I calm my nerves? I mean I told the guy I would be nervous so should I leave it at that? I feel like I'm 16 again. We are just doing lunch and maybe a walk in the park, etc. Any hints from those who have been on that "first"? Thanks in advance. BeccaH
 
  Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #2  July 8,2009, 2:31pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2009

Northwest

Posts: 3,239

See profile

Hi Becca--I'd bet all of us have had first date nerves, at least on the initial few first dates. It's pretty normal to have anxiety especially when we have been widowed.
Expect feelings of guilt-I tried to date at about 30 months and had to call it to a halt because I felt so guilty about dating when I still loved and missed my husband.
Expect to want to talk about your husband-at least *I* still do because he was so important to me. I don't know what to say about this but I know it can be a reality for us.
Try to relax and enjoy your experience and don't have unrealistic expectations for instant compatibility. This is just a meeting to see if you have enough in common to take a second date.
For myself, lunch is too much of a time commitment for a first date. I love Starbucks for first meetings-these aren't *dates* but opportunities to see if we can talk together, laugh together and have mutual things in common.
I usually do lunch for a second date-though last week I had a second date at a local Blues Festival-this ended up being 8 hours of time with a man I had just met a week before, but everything turned out great and we have plans for a date next week.
I am now 4+ years after my husbands death and for me, finally ready to put myself out there and make a new life with someone if I find the right man.
Gook luck and tell us how things turned out! I think that people in our position have a real need for support when first beginning dating again.
Best
Roxy
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 8,2009, 4:25pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,104

See profile

I haven't had any dates yet. I don't even have my Matches turned on. But I do wish you luck.

Would it help calm those nerves if you don't think of it as a date? Perhaps you could remind yourself that you will probably know several men before you find somebody else to marry. He's just the first.

Everything you have now and want for the future is not riding on this one. Put it back in perspective.

Good luck again, hon.
 
  Reply With Quote
BeccaH is offline BeccaH Post #4  July 8,2009, 5:05pm
BeccaH's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 2

See profile

Thank you so much, This is a great way to think of it as just 2 friends meeting to get to know each other. BeccaH
 
  Reply With Quote
ohb54 is offline ohb54 Post #5  July 14,2009, 4:59pm
ohb54's Avatar

is happy.

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I had similar feelings and came to realize that my wife had been my source of approval and support for 20 years. Now I feel like I'm "winging it". It is like being a teenager again to a big degree. Hold your breath, cross your fingers and you'll do just fine. It is two new friends getting to know each other.

Have a good time...
 
  Reply With Quote
BillLvsGolf is offline BillLvsGolf Post #6  July 16,2009, 12:24pm
BillLvsGolf's Avatar

Has found what he has been looking for!!

Pacesetter

Joined: Aug 2008

NW Indiana

Posts: 233

See profile

Just imagine him in his underwear....no, wait, that's advice if you are nervous about giving a speech!

It's going to be a learning process for you again, and yes you might be nervous, but he will be too, to some degree, if he is just starting out. After 3 years, I decided it was time to start again. In nine months, I probably went out with 20 different women, and emailed more. Most were single dates, one was for several months, but none were too serious.

Then three months ago, I met a lady and we hit it off from the start. We are very compatable and things are very comfortable between us. She's a keeper!

Good luck, and just go out and have fun.
 
  Reply With Quote
Lee47 is offline Lee47 Post #7  July 19,2009, 4:45pm
Lee47's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Indianapolis

Posts: 4

See profile

I hope your date goes well. I just lost my wife in may, I have no idea when if I ever date again. I think that I sould wait at least a full year. Even though she is gone I still feel as married as ever. You waited long enough so I wish you luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #8  July 20,2009, 8:10am
Diann1950's Avatar

Kid and dog sitting, have grand kids and dogs for the week.

Enthusiast

Joined: May 2009

Wichita Ks

Posts: 889

See profile

Lee it does take time to think about it for most people so take the time. You might start with groups you find in your area, this is not dating, but it is companionship and company something we all need. You will find people in all stages of singleness and a lot of good advice. I broke the ice joining a singles group at a local church and found that there were people with whom I could feel safe spending time and have a lot of fun at the same time. You get out and don't have to do it alone.
 
  Reply With Quote
FaithNGod is offline FaithNGod Post #9  July 23,2009, 5:50pm
FaithNGod's Avatar

{Expressed through Word, Authenticated through Action} LOVE

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2009

Posts: 399

See profile

BeccaH wrote :
Hi, I just joined this group. I just joined eharmony a couple of weeks ago and have been writing a guy since then almost daily. We are going to try going out in a week. It will be my first date since I was widowed 3 years ago and I am a little nervous. Guess that is normal but how do I calm my nerves? I mean I told the guy I would be nervous so should I leave it at that? I feel like I'm 16 again. We are just doing lunch and maybe a walk in the park, etc. Any hints from those who have been on that "first"? Thanks in advance. BeccaH
I dont know if this will help but I will share what helps me. As a christian man seeking christian women. I realise that we already have a relationship in christ. We are spiritual brother and sister's in christ. This is a already established or validated relationship. I dont have the pressure to validate the relationship with women by my dating them. I can just relax and feel free to just enjoy my experience of getting to know them.

I have been on my share of interviewing meetings by women. I can usually tell right up front that they have all of their questions ready to fire off. It usuall ends with a hand shake from them as if concluding a business meeting. It is their loss to be so up tight and not just enjoy our interaction no matter where we go from there. I find value even with them in our interactions. Just be true to who you are and a guy will be into you because of you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Peter with the bare arms | WILDLY WONDERFUL WIDOWED SINGLES | I find myself talking about my husband »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date? JustSomeGuy12 Dating 158 October 15,2011 7:55am
Does length of date indicate quality of date? eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Dating 37 November 21,2010 4:14pm
After the First Date...How much should I pursue? kayla4brains Dating 28 January 11,2010 11:43am
Build A Date! (Title changed) LizziePooh Dating 112 June 28,2009 9:58pm
To Date or Not To Date 4ever29 Relationships 2 May 18,2009 8:50am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:24pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0