suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #1  January 8,2010, 2:45pm
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I feel like such a whiner, but I am have a royal pity party for myself today. Five and a half years ago, my husband of a little over a year died suddenly. We were together for six years total. I spent a lot of time grieving before I felt ready to move on. It was probably a year and a half before I had a single day where I felt like myself again. It was two and a half years before I attempted to date, but I was not ready at that point. It was four years before I was truly ready to date. And I did. I dated for a while, had a nine-month relationship with a guy who over time morphed into a total nightmare, ended that relationship, and am now back out there ... again.

Normally I am so optimistic. I know happy relationships are possible because I was in one. I know I will meet someone new fantastic guy if I continue to put myself out there. But today I just feel sorry for myself. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Dan and I were supposed to have more than six years. We had planned on starting a family around the time I was 28-29, but here I am at 30 with no children, no husband, no boyfriend. I have dates, plenty of dates. I don't want that. I want what I had.

And the worst part is that no one really understands. My friends and family try to, but they don't. They mean well, but they don't understand what this is like. They see me as strong and able to handle anything, and to a point they are right. It's just there are moments from time to time when I see my sister and her husband just being quiet together and I miss that so much. Or I a friend will have a baby and I will thinking to myself that I hope he/she realizes how lucky they are.

It has been nearly a year since I had this type of pity party moment that I am having for myself today. I am normally so positive and optimistic. I decided a long time ago that I was going to make this as much of a positive in my life as was possible given the circumstances. I started doing all the things that I had always wanted to do but was putting off until (fill in the blank). Today I am just not feeling all that strong, positive, or optimistic. I just want to roll up in a little ball and hide under the covers for a while.

So maybe I will. And hopefully tomorrow I will want to climb out of bed and start trying again.

Thanks for listening to my whine.
 
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cati139 is offline cati139 Post #2  January 8,2010, 6:03pm
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You have every right to have a pity party! You've gone through something that no one else has and at the end of the day, you have to face yourself.
I am responding to this post not just as a fellow widow but also as a social worker. There is always an open window when things seem to go downhill (or rather slide down) and it's called neurotherapy (which takes about 30 minutes to go through).
I lost my husband back in 08 while I was 7 1/2 months prego with our son (we also have a 6 yr old daughter) so I lost it.... literally! What helped me (and is also helping my daughter) is neuro feedback.... I didn't want to take drugs while I was pregnant but I also knew that I would end up 6 feet under if I didn't do something... That's when I found eeginfo.com. It has been a lifesaver (in more ways than one!). Hope this helps.....
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #3  January 8,2010, 8:11pm

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Hi suzy and welcome to the group-sorry you have to be here, though.

I'm with cati....our pity parties are OURS and we get to have them when we need them. So if rolling up in bed and hiding under the covers for a day or two is what gets you through it, then more power to you.

For me, when moments of depression hit, I try to set a limit on how long I'm going to allow myself to wallow in the grief and misery. Sometimes I'll say to myself "OK for today, I'm going to go thru things and remember and cry and then put them away tonight and get up and shower tomorrow and go out." Another time, it may be two or three days before I can crank myself up from the blues and memories.

I had the good fortune of connecting with a couple of depression and grief groups early that have been lifesavers to me-and met people whom I can call and talk to. People who, unlike my family, are widows or widowers and who do understand the feelings of loss and alone ness we deal with.

But, for tonight, there are a couple of people here, online, who have heard you and know where you are at and feel your pain.

Hope that helps.
 
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