Do you consider your adult children's opinions in dating?


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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #1  January 1,2010, 1:53pm

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This was brought up in another thread. I thought it would be a good topic for our discussion.

I know my children want me to be happy-and if that means dating, not dating, getting married or FWB's they aren't expressing opinions on what they'd prefer.

However, as I recently discovered, some adult children have strong opinions on their parents thoughts of dating and marriage to someone other than "Mom or Dad".

Bill, the man I had been dating for around 3 months, asked me to marry him-far to soon in our relationship for any such discussion. Especially since, in my profile, I specifically I am not looking for marriage. Financially it isn't practical for me, and I'm not ready to commit to what marriage involves, though I do enjoy dating, hanging out and sex on occasion!

I hadn't met Bills children, nor he mine-again I think that, for me, 3 months is too soon in a relationship. That comes from experience wherein my adult children and siblings became attached to a very nice man I dated a couple of years ago. When, for several reasons, we quit dating I had to answer questions about 'what happened?' etc etc.

In any case, all Bills kids know about me is:
1)their dad asked me to marry him and I refused
2)I'm not a lot like their mom
therefore they decided that:
3) I must want something more from Bill to turn him down.

So this is a case where the kids already have made their decision prior to any information coming from me about 1, 2, or 3.

What about your adult children-or those of someone you're dating?

When do you think it's time to meet the family and why?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  January 1,2010, 3:12pm
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To answer the thread question, I don't know. I dated eight other women prior to meeting my SO and I didn't tell my kids about any of my dating. They weren't living here at home so there was no way they would know. But it was important to me that they like who I've chosen, and they do, and I'm glad I didn't have to face a potentially delicate situation.

The 'problem' I have to deal with is with my in-laws. My wife has four brothers who've been great friends of mine for over 25 years and my mother in-law is still a part of my life -- mostly because she's the grandmother of my kids. Even though in a lot of cases there exists an aura about mothers in-law, I really like her. They all know about P but only a few have met her and I really want to avoid what could become resentment. So for the time being, I'm avoiding the 'too-much-too-soon' scenario (like last summer's huge family reunion). I'm hopeful that as time progresses this will all work out.

As far as meeting her family, well she never had kids so I got that half of the problem licked. I have met her parents and they do like me ( I think).

And yes, I think it's important for each of our family members to meet everyone once you start spending time exclusively with someone.

But I'm just a rookie at all this so what do I know.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  January 2,2010, 6:04am
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
What about your adult children-or those of someone you're dating?

When do you think it's time to meet the family and why?
I don't have children.

When I was dating my second husband, I honestly can't remember when I met his daughter. Certainly before we married.....

I must have met his mother early on, because we exchanged Christmas presents, and that was not quite six months.

I remember that distinctly, because I sat right there on her couch and told her he was the finest man I ever met, knowing full well that's just about the best thing you can tell a man's mother.

I gave that to her like it was a gift.

j8a
 
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