heartonmysleeve is offline heartonmysleeve Post #1  March 3,2009, 7:27pm
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I had been divorced for about 10 years when I went on Eharmony and started dating again. I was 54 and was matched with a 70 yr. old man. The age didn't bother me, still doesn't. He was married for about 16 years, his wife had left him and filed for divorce and the from what I understand it was finalized. She became very ill and her family couldn not take care of her. He took her back into his home and cared for her until her death. This spoke volumes to me about what a good person he is. We have been dating almost a year. I am in very good health. He has had a stroke during this time and a few other scares which we have dealt with. Not an issue. I am however confused at this point as to why he began dating again, other than lonliness. He has not moved anything out of the house , bedroom or bathroom since she left , came back and passed away. Although he talks about not wanting to lose me, he just can't let her go. Recently a picture of her was taped on the headboard , right after we had a conversation about how hard it is for me to feel like I am competing with someone who isn't here to compete with. This was extremely hurtful to me , but I am afraid to say anything because it ends up making me feel like I am not kind or understanding. I stay over 3 or 4 times a week, it is not a casual dating relationship to me anymore. I am very serious about staying with him, but I don't want to be #2 or the replacement.


Someone who is on the other side of this please tell me what you think
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  June 25,2009, 7:16am
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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It seems to me he didn't want the divorce. She did. He took her back when she fell ill. Because he still loved her. He's got a picture on the bed? Face it! He is still in love with her.

My husband died in Oct 2008 very suddenly. I still have his clothes in the closet, pictures everywhere. But I know enough to know I will have to remove the pics if I ever get serious about finding somebody new. I'm just not there yet.

I joined eHarmoney thinking I could dip a toe in without getting in over my head. But I've had to turn off my Matches. I am NOT READY yet... Neither is he. Just my opinion.
 
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mr_blue is offline mr_blue Post #3  June 25,2009, 4:39pm
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Far Far from an expert. It depends on what you want out of the relationship - friend, somebody to talk to, companion, but if you want more or serious Don't even give him a chance. I would change my name, move, leave no forwarding address and forget about his feelings. You have feeling and dignity. That picture says it all - he can not release his past and you can not compete with a fabricated (divorced) memory. Losing battle. He probably fell in love (again)with her as a caretaker. I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that will not ever be fullfilling. He is not ready and I would not waste my love with him. I know it's not what you want to hear and I may be wrong. My 2 pennies. Good Luck
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #4  July 5,2009, 4:06pm
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This is so sad, but a reality for we widows and widowers..it isn't a fast recovery from losing a love.
Until the pictures are gently put away, I think you are fighting a losing battle.
You didn't mention how long ago his wife passed away but for me it's been 4+ years for me to be really ready to be honest about caring for someone else.
At 30 months I tried, met a great guy and really hurt him because I just wasn't ready.
You are still young-give him a kiss goodby and search some more.
Rox
 
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loonycanadian is offline loonycanadian Post #5  September 17,2009, 10:14pm
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is thinking of buying a house...

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He may just looking for a nurse for himself. I dated some men who discovered they have poor heath issues and then suddenly want to date and find a woman. I think that deep down they are afraid of being alone if something goes wrong with their health.
 
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