divadoc is offline divadoc Post #1  February 7,2009, 2:46pm
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I'm having one of those days. Some days it's just difficult to motivate myself to do ANYTHING.....yet there is so much to do. I feel like life goes on around me, like I'm standing in line waiting to get on the ride....or just got off the ride. It's been 4 months since my husband passed away, but his passing was unexpected so the initial shock kept me going for awhile. Now it's like, slowly sinking in that this is the reality of my situation.I like these online groups, just feel that I need to talk to some "live" people....it's just that I'm not sure i would be very good company right now. Being around me in this state can be downright depressing! I came here because I figured you folks might understand. Please tell me this gets better with time!
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #2  February 7,2009, 3:29pm
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It does. It really does.


It took me a good 6 to 9 months before I was worth anything at work or socially again.


You'll get through it... it just takes time.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  February 9,2009, 8:40am
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Karen,


It does take time - I promise you, you will get through this. Once the numbness wears off and you feel the reality of things, it just takes some time to get to a place of peace in your heart and mind. But, it does happen. It is ok to take some time to yourself. I had to for awhile, and then a few months later, I was actually seeking social experiences because I felt more able to develop friendships and wanted that social interaction.


Hugs,


Maria
 
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winn is offline winn Post #4  February 9,2009, 7:06pm

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tink333,479007 wrote :

Karen,


It does take time - I promise you, you will get through this. Once the numbness wears off and you feel the reality of things, it just takes some time to get to a place of peace in your heart and mind. But, it does happen. It is ok to take some time to yourself. I had to for awhile, and then a few months later, I was actually seeking social experiences because I felt more able to develop friendships and wanted that social interaction.


Hugs,


Maria
It's good to know that becauseI feel the same way, like I'm swimming upstream right now. I need to be encouraged that it gets better. I started work last week again and was shocked at how hard that was to do.
 
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carlecre is offline carlecre Post #5  February 11,2009, 11:35am
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I have some good days and some very bad days too. I really thought that by this time (3 years and 4 months since I lost my husband) I would be a little happier... I am not sitting down and crying all the time, but I miss the wonderful years (39 1/2) we had together. I am willing to at least talk with other men, but have not been too successful... Oh well...
 
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zal is offline zal Post #6  March 3,2009, 7:24pm
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I would caution against the "time heals all wounds" adage. It will take time. But time can also cause the wound to fester. It's important to make a conscious effort to heal. If you have not seen a grief counsellor, I would recommend it. A strong support system is helpful (family, friends, etc.) but I found it very helpful to have someone to talk to that didn't know my wife and couldn't tell me about how sad they were. Also, as a professional, the counselor knows when to offer words of wisdom and more importantly, to get you to just talk. i found that very helpful.


I should add that my situation was different. My wife lingered in a hospital for a very long time. I imagine that it is harder when death comes suddenly and unexpectedly. I don't even think my grief surfaced for about 203 months after.
 
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carlecre is offline carlecre Post #7  March 5,2009, 1:09pm
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divadoc, wrote :

I'm having one of those days. Some days it's just difficult to motivate myself to do ANYTHING.....yet there is so much to do. I feel like life goes on around me, like I'm standing in line waiting to get on the ride....or just got off the ride. It's been 4 months since my husband passed away, but his passing was unexpected so the initial shock kept me going for awhile. Now it's like, slowly sinking in that this is the reality of my situation.I like these online groups, just feel that I need to talk to some "live" people....it's just that I'm not sure i would be very good company right now. Being around me in this state can be downright depressing! I came here because I figured you folks might understand. Please tell me this gets better with time!
My husband has been dead for almost 3 1/2 yrs. and only now I got into this online thing... It is not easy, but it does get better... Time certainly helps us... Now I a able to talk to other males and actually enjoy the conversation... Those days when we don't know what to do are hard, very hard, but you get up and go. Life is passing us by and we need to go on with it... Take care of yourself, and believe me, it does get better. Did you hear about the book written by Joan Didion, named "The Year of Magical Thinking?" I read three times and today I picked it up again and started reading passages. She lost her husband very suddenly and it was a year before she could write again. Try to get this book... Take care, carle
 
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carlecre is offline carlecre Post #8  March 5,2009, 1:15pm
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zal,514649 wrote :

I would caution against the "time heals all wounds" adage. It will take time. But time can also cause the wound to fester. It's important to make a conscious effort to heal. If you have not seen a grief counsellor, I would recommend it. A strong support system is helpful (family, friends, etc.) but I found it very helpful to have someone to talk to that didn't know my wife and couldn't tell me about how sad they were. Also, as a professional, the counselor knows when to offer words of wisdom and more importantly, to get you to just talk. i found that very helpful.


I should add that my situation was different. My wife lingered in a hospital for a very long time. I imagine that it is harder when death comes suddenly and unexpectedly. I don't even think my grief surfaced for about 203 months after.
One of my friends made a statement to me that I can never forget; she said that when a loved one dies,a sudden death, or long term death, it does not matter, because,death is death. We, who stay here, willexperience the profound sadness in the same manner. Myhusband was sick for 4 yrs. and 10 months and I really appreciated the time I had with him, but I can understand what my friend said, one can never be prepared...
 
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mr_blue is offline mr_blue Post #9  June 19,2009, 10:40am
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divadoc wrote :
I'm having one of those days. Some days it's just difficult to motivate myself to do ANYTHING.....yet there is so much to do. I feel like life goes on around me, like I'm standing in line waiting to get on the ride....or just got off the ride. It's been 4 months since my husband passed away, but his passing was unexpected so the initial shock kept me going for awhile. Now it's like, slowly sinking in that this is the reality of my situation.I like these online groups, just feel that I need to talk to some "live" people....it's just that I'm not sure i would be very good company right now. Being around me in this state can be downright depressing! I came here because I figured you folks might understand. Please tell me this gets better with time!
Surfing and found your post. (I was about to give up with this user name taken but my first post and wanted to reply) I don't like the pity party part because I don't feel pity for myself. BUT like you (I have bad days) and worst days. Today was one so I left work and take my work home (being alone at home is no fun either) because I was so depressed (overwhelmed) and couldn't cope. I do believe it does get better with time but I know it will be different and it seems like there is no end in sight (long time). No future with your better half is a numbing thought. I agree it is downright depressing and like you got off the ride (I had a great ride so I can't complain). I understand.

I may spend some time this weekend seeing if i can find a widower support group on line tp help.

(My wife had ovarian cancer for 51/2 yrs so it was expected but believe me it's painful)

Good Luck
 
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mr_blue is offline mr_blue Post #10  June 19,2009, 11:54am
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My first post. Had a hard time getting a different log in name.

But.

(IMO) Pity Party is not true with me. I am not feeling sorry for myself but am totally depressed. Like a big wave and you can't breath. I have bad and worst days. I left work toady (took it home) because it was so bad. I do believe time does heel but everyone grievance is different. Hang in there. Lastly, my wife had ovarian for 51/2 yrs. DF told us there was no remission 31/2 yrs ago and it was constant chemo and how it would end to prepare us. She was relieved at end and it was beautiful but I never felt the refief - only unbearable pain at the thought without her.

Good Luck - you are not alone
 
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