j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #11  June 26,2009, 6:17am
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,104

See profile

My husband died in Oct 2008. We had two weeks from when we found out he was sick till he died. Not even enough time to get scared.

It was New Years before the shock wore off & reality set in. I took a look at laying around feeling sorry for myself, felt that would be a waste of my time. I thought to count my blessings instead.

At first it was a stretch just to find any! Now I even count it a blessing that he died quick. He didn't have to waste away, become an invalid, see himself diminished in his own eyes, nor in mine.

I count those blessings EVERY day. It helps. And I do have alot of them. I count it a blessing that I loved and was loved by the finest man I ever knew...

I have recently made the decision to Rejoin the Living. I am participating in activities again (today I go to the movies & out to eat after with some friends).

The things I would want for my husband (had I died first) I think he would want for me. I am starting to look forward now more than back... It's a start!
 
  Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #12  July 5,2009, 11:41am

Unregistered

Joined: May 2009

Northwest

Posts: 3,239

See profile

I go to a weekly widows/widowers support group-have for over 4 years. While some may consider it living in the grief for me touching base with others who have felt exactly how I feel, who laugh when people say "You just need closure"-which is my all time most hated cliche-we never get closure.
What we do have, eventually, is less pain from the loss of our loved one.

Depression is a valid part of this miserable journey-situational depression is miserable to deal with-take meds! It's normal to be depressed when we are left alone after being with someone.

I tried to date at about 30 months-I thought I was ready, was out of the deep depression and knew I didn't want to be alone forever.

Didn't work for me..so now at 4+ years I am trying again...I am actually having fun and besides my weird need to mention my husband far too often, I am doing well.

Eventually the sharp pain will go away and you won't fear the night hours without your spouse. Get some therapy, join a group-there are grief support groups at almost every cancer center hospital-and you don't have to have a cancer patient to go to them. They are usually free and very very helpful.

Don't try to walk this pathway alone---

Rox
 
  Reply With Quote
mountainswind is offline mountainswind Post #13  October 4,2009, 4:16pm
mountainswind's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2009

al

Posts: 7

See profile

HI THERE I AM NEW TO THE GROUP BUT NOT NEW TO THE DEATH OF A SPOUSE. I LOST MY HUSBAND TO THE NEED OF A HEART TRANSPLANT 9 YEARS AGO.
EVERYTHING THAT EVERONE ELSE HAS SAID IS TRUE VERY TRUE. BUT THERE IS ONE THING I DON'T AGREE WITH ******SIT DOWN AND HAVE ONE HELL OF A PITY PARTY FOR YOURSELF****** YOU ARE ENTITLE TO ONE. YOU LOST THE OTHER HALF OF YOURSELF! BUT THERE IS ONE OTHER THING IN THE LONG RUN WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GET UP AND GO ON! THAT IS JUST THE WAY LIFE IS. IT TOOK ME A LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TIME TO UNDERSTAND THAT BUT IT WILL COME TO YOU. I THOUGHT WHAT IF IT HAD BEEN ME THAT DIED AND NOT MY HUSBAND WHAT WOULD I HAVE WANTED FOR HIM TO DO AFTER MY DEATH. I WOULD HAVE WANTED HIM TO LIVE THE BEST LIFE EVER AND GET THE MOST OUT OF LIFE AND MOVE ON AND DO IT QUICKLY .

IT DOES GET BETTER BUT IS NOT TIME THAT MAKES IT BETTER IT WILL HAVE TO BE YOU THAT MAKES IT BETTER.

NOW GET UP AND GO BUY SOME ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING YOU LIKE SHOES RING OR SOMETHING JUST GET UP!

MOUNTAINSWIND
 
  Reply With Quote
Diann1950 is online now Diann1950 Post #14  October 8,2009, 5:44pm
Diann1950's Avatar

Kid and dog sitting, have grand kids and dogs for the week.

Enthusiast

Joined: May 2009

Wichita Ks

Posts: 891

See profile

The sadness will go away in time, what I most regret are the things we didn't say and do. Before my husband's illness we were not communicating at all well due to conflicts over our children. Those things were not resolved and we didn't recapture the things that brought us together. So I mostly regret the things unsaid, if you were able to do those things you were very lucky and should cherish those memories. I have at this point forgiven myself and him and now hope to go on to whatever is next.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Someone help me understand | Widows/Widowers | Dating someone who looks like my husband did »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Excellent, thank you. I think I will leave out the first part, I think it is unnecessary information to give him. I'm not interested in putting myself out there like that and it might be a little ... ” –  generallyyou

Join the “Ending a friendship” discussion

“Alfred Hitchcock - 18 Steven Spielberg - 62 *notice what?” –  dmi

Join the “War of the Directors” discussion

“ I would be "certain people" :P The issue isn't a deal-breaker, but a very strong factor preference-wise, for me.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“Love Texas Hold'em!.. I'm thinking of trying another tournament this summer...not sure yet though.. Never entered a tournament before, outside of online ones. Personally I prefer to play with ... ” –  Freezepop

Join the “Favorite Card Game” discussion

“Make that 3! I also had a crush on Donny Osmond. I think I still have a record or two of his. Suzie ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“Oh, my revised profile can be seen in the forum in the section where you can ask for a profile review. Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“Just remember, everything that you are feeling and/or are capable of he is as well. If he wanted to reach you, he could. Right now he knows that you are hurting, and that this is not what you ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“ Yohio. And the shortened form (Anya) is nice too.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:51am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0