japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #1  August 6,2008, 11:31pm
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Why do you want to remain chaste until marriage since you are already not a virgin? I can see why virgins want to save themselves for marriage. I can also understand some of the reasons why non-virgins want to, but I want to learn more to understand it better. I would think it would be more difficult to wait since you have already tasted the forbidden fruit.
 
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irishbrian is offline irishbrian Post #2  August 7,2008, 6:37am
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First off, I can only speak for myself.


I am a non-virgin. Yes, it is exceptionally difficult to remain chaste after "already tasting the forbidden fruit." However, I have remained so for over a decade and will continue to do so until marriage.


It was during college that I was pretty wild. During those years, I fell away from my Faith entirely. Partied hard, drank like a fish, dabbled in celtic neo-paganism, Zen Buddhism and other New Age crap that was hip during the '90's. I was also quite sexually active. However, during my last year of college, I re-discovered my Faith and also converted to Catholicism. From that very moment on Easter Vigil 1996 when I was received into the Church...I repented of my past ways and vowed to God to remain chaste & abstinent until marriage.


Personally, I don't buy that whole "second virginity" thing that some religious folks try to peddle in order to soothe their conscience of their past indescresions. No, I'm not a virgin. Although I am by no means proud of my so-called "exploits"...I don't entirely regret them and it is both rediculous and dishonest to pretend like they didn't have a direct and important influence on my life. Not to go off on a tangent about temporal logic here, but it is these very experiences and all their ramifications that have made me who I am today. I am who I am and God forgives all sin that is humbly confessed and genuinely offered up in repentence. My sign of genuine repentance: I remain both chaste and abstain until marriage. No lapses, no "oops" moments, no rationalized "heat of the moment" mistakes. It's all discipline and will power.


Now do I think that virgins are somehow less experienced in life or relationships? Not at all. If I had a time machine and could go back and change things, would I? No. Why? Because I wouldn't be the man I am today. I am chaste NOW, abstinent NOW...I can't change my past...but I can change my future. The woman I want marry has to understand these things and must not punish me for my past nor pass judgment on me prematurely and forestall a potential relationship.
 
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Koninbeor is offline Koninbeor Post #3  August 7,2008, 3:07pm
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I can only speculate here as I'm still a virgin myself, but I try to put that in the context of any other belief I have. If I were to commit murder then it would be very destructive for me to say, "Gee, I've already murdered one guy. I guess there's no sense in not murdering any random person I feel like now." I have a lot of respect for people who've had sex and made a commitment not to any longer. And Brian's decade streak is very impressive. I believe it's harder to avoid sex after you've had it. At least I don't fully know what I'm missing. Kudos to anyone who can make such a difficult change in their life.
 
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irishbrian is offline irishbrian Post #4  August 7,2008, 5:41pm
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Koninbeor,207034 wrote :

...And Brian's decade streak is very impressive.
12 years, 4 months and 2 days....but who's counting?[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]


Seriously, though. Such things clearly weren't sacred to me while in my college years. However, they are (and have been for the past 12 years, 4 months and 2 days) now...enough to wait *again* until marriage.Again, as I said in previous posts (but this time without my melodrama)...she'll be a very satisfied women, I assure you!
 
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catlin is offline catlin Post #5  August 9,2008, 5:52pm
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Although I've only been intimate with a couple of guys each time the relationship ended because of being intimate. Then I felt guilty that I gave in and now I will wait till I'm married. I don't believe sex brings you closer, communicating your honest feelings and emotions brings you closer.
 
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irishbrian is offline irishbrian Post #6  August 10,2008, 7:05pm
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catlin,209566 wrote :

Although I've only been intimate with a couple of guys each time the relationship ended because of being intimate. Then I felt guilty that I gave in and now I will wait till I'm married. I don't believe sex brings you closer, communicating your honest feelings and emotions brings you closer.
Exactly.


Took me a while to figure all that out. I'm pretty dense, sometimes! So many people equate sex with intimacy. I know I used to. It's not. Personally, that's why I think the divorce rate in the US is as high as it is.
 
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rix is offline rix Post #7  August 10,2008, 11:30pm
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japaneseblueeyes, wrote :

I would think it would be more difficult to wait since you have already tasted the forbidden fruit.
Actually, in a sense it is easier, since virgins tend to have an "idealized" picture of sex (And Hollywood doesn't help matter any). However, once you've had sex, you discover that it is really not the big deal you thought it would be. In fact, those of you who may be building up sex for the wedding night, might be in for a big let down.
 
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japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #8  August 11,2008, 9:55am
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rix,211047 wrote :

japaneseblueeyes, wrote :


I would think it would be more difficult to wait since you have already tasted the forbidden fruit.


Actually, in a sense it is easier, since virgins tend to have an "idealized" picture of sex (And Hollywood doesn't help matter any). However, once you've had sex, you discover that it is really not the big deal you thought it would be. In fact, those of you who may be building up sex for the wedding night, might be in for a big let down.
[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-innocent.gif[/img] You mean I am not guaranteed multiple "O"`s each and every time? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-surprised.gif[/img]





No fair! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-yell.gif[/img]





Realistically though I think too many men rely on p0rn and too many women rely on fantasy novels and when those two worlds do not intersect as they want them too, both sides are disappointed.
 
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irishbrian is offline irishbrian Post #9  August 11,2008, 3:55pm
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japaneseblueeyes,211282 wrote :

rix,211047 wrote :


japaneseblueeyes, wrote :


I would think it would be more difficult to wait since you have already tasted the forbidden fruit.


Actually, in a sense it is easier, since virgins tend to have an "idealized" picture of sex (And Hollywood doesn't help matter any). However, once you've had sex, you discover that it is really not the big deal you thought it would be. In fact, those of you who may be building up sex for the wedding night, might be in for a big let down.


[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-innocent.gif[/img] You mean I am not guaranteed multiple "O"`s each and every time? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-surprised.gif[/img]





No fair! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-yell.gif[/img]





Realistically though I think too many men rely on p0rn and too many women rely on fantasy novels and when those two worlds do not intersect as they want them too, both sides are disappointed.
Yes...what the Rix says is true. Although it canquite nice and intimate...it just "ain't all that." Please forget whatever the trashy women's magazines say. Although, in all fairness, there are those special moments of intimacy that you keep in your heart.


Regardless, you are quite correct, JBE. For men, via the infection of p0rn...the emphasis is upon self-gratification and the male "O." Don't believe me? Go download some good ol' fashioned heterosexual p0rn...you'll see what I'm talking about (we'll leave that crazy Japanese p0rn out of this discussion for a later time[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-surprised.gif[/img]). Unfortunately, that paradigm is winning out in our popular culture. The p0rnification of sex is omnipresent.


Think also in this regard: you virgins out there have no fear of STD's. STD's are a genuine scourge that infect a prettyreportable minor percentage of the adult population...and I thank God (literally) that I do not have any from my "wild time" back in college. I test myself annually...just for the re-assurance...even though I've been abstinent for nearly 13 years!


FWIW,


the IrishBrian
 
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rix is offline rix Post #10  August 11,2008, 4:17pm
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Happy 1st Anniversary, babe!

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japaneseblueeyes,211282 wrote :










[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-innocent.gif[/img] You mean I am not guaranteed multiple "O"`s each and every time? [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-surprised.gif[/img]





No fair! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-yell.gif[/img]




Well...I'll do my best...But I'm only one man! [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif[/img]
 
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