grammar_gal is offline grammar_gal Post #1  May 13,2009, 2:18pm
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I actually enjoy being single.

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You know... just to have someone to tell about my day... a flesh and blood someone who knows me... who gets me... who likes me - well, in spite of me

Today was one of those days when I felt that way. Ironically... because I was feeling that way, I broke a date. It was a first date... and I cannot go spilling my heart to just anyone. So I opted out of the date... so I could come home and have a nice dinner... watch True Blood, have a glass of red (sounds appropriate) and shake off the stress of the day just by being in my element.

Because I feel this way much of the time... and break dates because of it... I don't think I will ever get to a point of having that someone I can call and say, "Hey... I just threw this little gang-banger wannabe out of my class today... and even though I am now a legend amongst my students... I feel like crap." Maybe he'd come over and share my dinner and a glass of red... or maybe we would just talk about it and he would make me laugh about my "kids" calling me Mike Tyson... and saying things like, "I knew he was in trouble when you went all gangsta on him."

Well.... I guess I don't have that someone.... but I am glad I have all of you.

GG
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  May 14,2009, 5:34am
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[quote=grammar_gal;604671]... my "kids" calling me Mike Tyson...


Mike Tyson wears gloves. You took yours off.
 
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grammar_gal is offline grammar_gal Post #3  May 14,2009, 4:03pm
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[quote=tweet37;605663]
grammar_gal wrote :
... my "kids" calling me Mike Tyson...


Mike Tyson wears gloves. You took yours off.
I am supposed to wear gloves? Well, sheesh! No wonder!
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #4  May 14,2009, 4:40pm
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Well you’ve put it more succinctly than I ever would but spot on. I think simple human understanding is a joy better than any recreational drug you could name. It’s somehow encoded in our DNA. We’re social creatures and we need our chums and buddies to hang with us. We need to belong.

I don’t know about the rest of you guys but I laughed about you throwing the little pugnacious pubescent punk out (how’s that? three p.u.’s in a row!). *grin* When I finally grew up (mostly- I’m not done yet!) and realized that there was *gasp* more to a relationship than sex- that it got *better-* I think that was the best I’d ever had it. We’re probably all that way.

Being a free thinker can be dayum lonely. We’re not a common species. More than that, some of us (me, for example) need plenty of space to just be. Finding someone can accept you as who you are and understand you at least a little tiny bit is… rare and precious. I had that once and have not found another since.

Anytime you or anybody else needs to get some long-distance chill time, we be down wid’ dat. *grin* As a leetle antidote to your down in the mouthedness- try a little website called despair (dot!) c o m. Read through the little posters. Seek out the one called ‘Loneliness’ and read it. I always chuckle at that one, even if it’s a sad little chuckle it is at least the beginnings of humor.

Now put your fingertips on the corners of your lips and push upwards. Somewhere deep down your inner little girl is just waiting to bust out laughing, and we’ll be laughing with her.
 
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grammar_gal is offline grammar_gal Post #5  May 15,2009, 12:52am
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Wootz wrote :
Well you’ve put it more succinctly than I ever would but spot on. I think simple human understanding is a joy better than any recreational drug you could name. It’s somehow encoded in our DNA. We’re social creatures and we need our chums and buddies to hang with us. We need to belong.

I don’t know about the rest of you guys but I laughed about you throwing the little pugnacious pubescent punk out (how’s that? three p.u.’s in a row!). *grin* When I finally grew up (mostly- I’m not done yet!) and realized that there was *gasp* more to a relationship than sex- that it got *better-* I think that was the best I’d ever had it. We’re probably all that way.

Being a free thinker can be dayum lonely. We’re not a common species. More than that, some of us (me, for example) need plenty of space to just be. Finding someone can accept you as who you are and understand you at least a little tiny bit is… rare and precious. I had that once and have not found another since.

Anytime you or anybody else needs to get some long-distance chill time, we be down wid’ dat. *grin* As a leetle antidote to your down in the mouthedness- try a little website called despair (dot!) c o m. Read through the little posters. Seek out the one called ‘Loneliness’ and read it. I always chuckle at that one, even if it’s a sad little chuckle it is at least the beginnings of humor.

Now put your fingertips on the corners of your lips and push upwards. Somewhere deep down your inner little girl is just waiting to bust out laughing, and we’ll be laughing with her.
I love despair dot com (seriously? we have to do this? hate the censor bots) -

I agree with you on all points. This type of discussion is actually the real reason I started this group... not all this redundant discourse over is there or isn't there a god. For me arguing that is tantamount to arguing the existence of the abominable snow man... or the yeti. Well hail (censor bots see you zap that!!!) - at least we have blurred images and footprints of these dudes. Oh wait... there was the woman who found the face of Jesus in her grilled cheese(us)! So scratch that... so I will go back to my Santa analogy - yes, as ridiculous as arguing for the possibility that Santa might be real... and really can fly around the world in 48 hours delivering toys to every boy and girl.

It does get lonely.... and I tried early on to date those who say they are spiritual but not religious - but have this need to believe that someone had to have made us.. blah, blah, blah. I can't sit through a conversation like that... I lose all respect...and once respect is gone... then nothing else is going to be happening - if you get my meaning.

So yes, I have arrived at the point in my life - where I know that it is inevitable that I will be alone. I am okay with that - for as you say - it seems that for the most part (I have met some exceptions) that freethinkers/atheists are actualized and autonomous in our lives and our choices. While it is nice to have "chums" as you say... and there may be people I can laugh with until tears roll down my face over the superficial aspects of life - but if I cannot talk about what is important to me in the course of a day of teaching... especially in my war against fundamental ignorance... then I can never allow myself to get any closer than superficial.

Whew.... this felt good.

Thanks wootz... I think this is the first actual conversation I have had in this group that was started to discuss this very issue... and be a place of support. Not a battle ground for those doubters who are really coming to us for some insight... then try to bloody us up in the process.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #6  May 21,2009, 3:35pm
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Warning: raving, frothing-at-the-mouth ranting below. This is your chain link fence and 100 yard notice.

I got stuck with the ‘C’ word again today. I’m beginning to hate the ‘C’ word. Every time it comes up.

Family reunion time is approaching for me. Relatives I see but once a year. Every year- when are you getting married? Having kids? And you’re such a good man. If you want a good woman, you should try looking in *church.* Please. These people are family, they gossip about everybody all the time. They know about me. Still the ‘C’ word.

I’m trying very hard to keep my cool. I don’t like getting angry. But I find it ridiculous to think that the last "good" women in the world- Shiva! In my state are all what I’d call highly delusional. I can’t imagine wanting a woman like that, let alone her wanting me. And I’m getting to the point that I could consider having children someday. I can’t subject a child to that. Aieee…

They have good intentions, I know. It would be nice if I could get through one day without seeing religion used as an excuse for bad behavior, too, but I’m long past the point of believing in miracles. When I was still in college (the bad old days), you couldn’t throw a rock without hitting at least two atheists. Where’d they all go? Does nobody *think* anymore?

And to think, I started today thinking about the persistence of fanaticism in human populations. Every one I can think of has them. Were they a deleterious trait that was supportable only in large populations, or was it selected for because of a certain charismatic drive to convert, leading to larger, more supportable groups of humans? Is that the ancestry of our current religious/political miasma? Do humans seek out such violently opposed views naturally?

And I was thinking, how nice it would be to be able to go home and discuss that after work with someone I cared about. Not serious graduate level thinking, just random thoughts. Stupid me said as much out loud, and here comes the ‘C’ word again. *grumble* Stupid, stupid people! Stop being people already!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programme. Smile, dang it. This, too shall pass.
 
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grammar_gal is offline grammar_gal Post #7  May 27,2009, 2:54am
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Ahhhh - wootzy... I know what you mean. I got so tired of being asked that question last year when I went home... I just said it out loud... I am an atheist... I do not believe in this bull fecal matter. They held a prayer vigil for me.
 
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shoelace is offline shoelace Post #8  May 28,2009, 3:50pm
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A prayer vigil...really??? How funny. They should have offered to paint your house, or pay your and your daughter's health insurance for a year...if they really wanted to help you, that is.

When you are older, and have developed a full and complex life, it takes an open minded someone to click with you when you decide you want some clicking in your life as well.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #9  May 30,2009, 9:11pm
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Prayer vigil. *chuckles* I’ve had that dubious honor thrust upon me more than once as well. Makes me think of what they say the road to hell is paved with. Uncharitable of me, I know. But hey, I give my dimes to the Red Cross, the Shriners, and family causes, so I think my charity angle is pretty well covered.

To take a poke at an earlier phrase, I came to a realization today. I think I stopped fighting the war against fundamental ignorance for lack of a respectable opponent. I have *been* fighting the war against willful ignorance for a long time now… With a paucity of results. Just plain ignorance is fixable- but when belief holds reason in a headlock there is no point in continuing the fight. All that’s left is shadowboxing with belief, and all that gets you is tired.

So many otherwise intelligent, respectable women (and men) in the world. Makes me wonder if it is not belief that is so evidently common, but the trappings thereof. I will credit religion with a vast support structure for many things that humans need and want. Community, charity, egg salad, and a basic moral structure are apparently common desires for most people. External and internal forces seem to strengthen this. We must do it because the book says so, and besides, sister Mary will make fun of us if we don’t.

Like the man said, we are not prisoners of fate but merely prisoners of our own minds. I can’t blame the rest of the world for not providing me with the kind of person I want to marry right here right now. I made the choice consciously to be who and what I am. I live with the consequences of it. That doesn’t make it any easier to stand on another lonely Friday night, though.

So much misery in the world. You’d think there would be nothing easier than being happy. Instead of trying in vain to force the world to fit our own desires, you’d think we could discipline our minds to be happy no matter what the world does to us. Unfortunately, even if we could do this the rest of the world would call us insane, and lock us up in padded cells. No win there. Crap.

Disdaining insanity, guileless conformity, and self-deception leaves us no new options. At the end of the day, with the cold weight of responsibility hanging leaden across our shoulders, it would be very nice to have someone close to share the burden with. Someone of flesh and blood to have a meal with, be comfortable with, do a lot of things not necessarily together but very definitely *with.* It is possible. That is why I call it a hope and not a pipe-dream.

So I’m sitting here now early on a Saturday morning not praying but with hope. I will wake up tomorrow to lift up my burdens and carry them through another day. It is a cautious hope. It is quite far from an innocent, naïve hope. This hope has scars and years of experience to give it guile and wiles. It is a hope carried in an open mind, and if the heart is heavy, so be it. And here’s hoping we’re not subjected to another prayer vigil *this* year… *grin*
 
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