Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #1  May 24,2010, 6:10am

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I had a rather stressful weekend. It included prep work to put in a pool because that is all my younger son wanted for his birthday. So by Sunday afternoon I was sunburned and sore.

My ex comes by wanting to pick a fight with me that I would not give him. So the next best target is our 22 year old son who like a dumb butt got himself a DWI last week. I am at a loss on how to guide this young man because if he leaves my home he goes to live with his grandparents in their Mc Mansion and be waited on hand and foot. I really think it is a better punishment to stay at my house but this is a matter for another post.

So my ex barges in my house and starts stomping around looking for our oldest. When found he proceeds to curse, insult and then physically hit our son. All the while I am telling him you are not welcomed here you need to leave or I am calling the police. Well to make a short story long the police were called but at the request of my father who was also there I did not have a report filed. My ex did try to file assault charges against our son but the police officers laughed at that considering the dumb butt was tresspassing at the time and threw the first punch.

Here is the thing, this is not the first time my ex has behaved in this manner. I cannot get a restraining order against him until a point where he hurts the kids enough to put them in the hospital or kills one of them.

So here is my question for the public, when did we become a society that values protecting the aggressor lest he be unjustly accused instead of protecting the innocent such as my children.

Troy was watching over my little ones to keep them out of the frey. He told me my little one asked him if he could cover her ears so she didn't have to hear. Pretty sad if you ask me.

Come to think of it maybe my oldest would be better off at his grandparents cause my exes dad would kick his butt if he laid a finger on any of his grandkids in front of him
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  May 24,2010, 6:47am

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if he broke into your house and hit your son, your son can get a RO.

not like they help much, but in some cases it's enough to get someone to stay away.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #3  May 24,2010, 6:56am

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scarlet13 wrote :
if he broke into your house and hit your son, your son can get a RO.

not like they help much, but in some cases it's enough to get someone to stay away.
He did the same thing two years ago and they wouldn't give me one. The courts say this is how women manipulate ex husbands so now no one can get them without real physical damage. Of course I think it is awful that women lie and use abuse as a way to manipulate the courts.

At least the officers assured me they would watch the house while I am gone.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  May 24,2010, 6:59am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
So here is my question for the public, when did we become a society that values protecting the aggressor lest he be unjustly accused instead of protecting the innocent such as my children.
The answer to that question is when you decided to not file a police report.

Jo, a few of your previous posts about your ex indicate you think he is a bit of a nut at times. So why not document things like this that recur? Especially when he wanted to file charges against your son? I'm not saying have him arrested - yet, but at least have a police incident report every time these things happen. If you ever need to get a restraining order, you'll have all the documentation you'll need.

ETA: I'm stupefied to hear that someone needs to be hospitalized before a RO can be obtained. I thought NJ was bad.
Last edited by tweet37; May 24,2010 at 7:13am. Reason: Stupefied I tell ya.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  May 24,2010, 7:23am

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tweet37 wrote :
The answer to that question is when you decided to not file a police report.

Jo, a few of your previous posts about your ex indicate you think he is a bit of a nut at times. So why not document things like this that recur? Especially when he wanted to file charges against your son? I'm not saying have him arrested - yet, but at least have a police incident report every time these things happen. If you ever need to get a restraining order, you'll have all the documentation you'll need.

ETA: I'm stupefied to hear that someone needs to be hospitalized before a RO can be obtained. I thought NJ was bad.
They documented it but no formal report. My dad is 80 and shouldn't have been sticking his nose in any of this. When my ex threatening our son with charges scared my dad. He asked I not file formal charges so I didn't. I know it sounds crazy but to understand the level of what my ex does at my home they send the same cops every time because I have called them that many times. All other times I have pressed charges and nothing comes of it.

He has been hotlined by every doctor that has seen the younger two, even a hospital hotlined him. Brought all of this before a judge and got nothing. He assaulted our daughter two and a half years ago. He played every game with the court and got it reduced to criminal tresspassing. Even with the massive lump on her head and both older kids testifying we could not get a restraining order. His lawyer told the judge I was just using this one isolated case to gain full custody and more support. As my son put it she looked like she had grown a unicorn horn.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  May 24,2010, 7:36am

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yes, you should have filed a police report.

try again. if he has done this more than a few times (breaking in, assualting someone) they will issue a RO.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #7  May 24,2010, 7:49am

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scarlet13 wrote :
yes, you should have filed a police report.

try again. if he has done this more than a few times (breaking in, assualting someone) they will issue a RO.
I am considering just going for full custody again. This time not asking for a penny. Kinda sad that he can get by with not supporting his kids but I would rather protect them.

He barges in when we are home and takes the fact that I don't go after him with a gun or baseball bat as proof it is okay with me. Of course I have a string of 911 calls that show he is not wanted but wont leave. I don't know if you have ever dealt with a Narcissist (like full out disorder) but they are wicked good at making everything everyone elses fault. Like yesterday he had to barge into my home because my son wouldn't come out. Yeah doesn't seem logical to anyone except he says it with such conviction the judges tend to believe he is confused but not criminal.

It is very strange and very difficult to explain. Most of my friends don't understand it until they see it in person. Then they ask how I made it 18 years.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #8  May 24,2010, 8:14am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
He barges in when we are home and takes the fact that I don't go after him with a gun or baseball bat as proof it is okay with me.
Oooo yeah !! Now yer talkin' !!
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  May 24,2010, 8:08pm
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I will admit that I, fortunately, do not have experience in dealing with an ex like this... but a kind of obvious question... Do you keep your doors locked? At all times, even when you're home? If not, you should... and refuse to let him in, and instruct your kids to never answer the door but to get you instead. If he comes over for a legitimate reason, he can wait on the doorstep to talk to whoever he came to talk to. Your home should be a sanctuary from this, RO or not.

If he's forcibly breaking in, I would think you'd have to be able to file charges for that.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #10  May 25,2010, 4:48am

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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I will admit that I, fortunately, do not have experience in dealing with an ex like this... but a kind of obvious question... Do you keep your doors locked? At all times, even when you're home? If not, you should... and refuse to let him in, and instruct your kids to never answer the door but to get you instead. If he comes over for a legitimate reason, he can wait on the doorstep to talk to whoever he came to talk to. Your home should be a sanctuary from this, RO or not.

If he's forcibly breaking in, I would think you'd have to be able to file charges for that.
We keep the doors locked but with four kids running in and out from time to time they aren't always locked. One of his favorite ways to gain access is to show up for some lame excuse when he has the little ones. They know the code for the garage and will let themselves in. Then he says he is just retrieving the kids he has custody of. The problem with the little ones is they hate him as much as the older ones but are kinda stuck with him. So no matter what I tell them they get to my house they just run in cause they want to be around anyone but him.

I have called the police and had my attorney take action. The problem is he stops for a while and then goes back. The attorney is too expensive to keep playing these games. It seems like he has the police pegged for the amount of time before he does it again.

So when my dad is trying to calm him down he is asking my dad how much I stand to inherit and how much money my dad gives me. Yeah the police are on the way how about we discuss finances. The man is nuts.
 
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