MsSunny is offline MsSunny Post #1  January 13,2010, 10:06pm
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I have read discussions on several sites related to black women having a difficult time finding a black man. It seems that black women prefer to stay within their race were as black men are looking for something different. Since being a member of E-Harmony I have been matched with a fair number of black males but I have received the most interest from non black males. What do black men really want and why are black women so loyal to them?
 
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JasonX43 is offline JasonX43 Post #2  January 14,2010, 4:01pm
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I just want someone that's serious. I'm tired of games, I'm tired of hearing that all men want is sex, and I'm tired of being judged because "all black men think they're playas!"
 
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MsSunny is offline MsSunny Post #3  January 15,2010, 8:10am
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Jason, do'nt give up, just as not all black men are playas or any other negative description, not many black women have joined the black male haters club. We admire your inner strength, your strong majestic manner and we understand the conflicts and struggles of your life. I am thinking of the old Otis Redding song" Try a little Tenderness" while I am writing this because we have some of the same conflicts and stuggles so mutural respect and understanding will go a long way. Peace.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #4  January 26,2010, 7:01pm
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I love black men and I will always love black men even though with me they look and smile but usually don't approach. I am more often approached by white and hispanic men. I don't know what the problem is but that is what happens. And not that there is anything wrong with white or hispanic men but I love black men and I have only dated black men. I don't think I will ever change that...even though I would probably be dating a whole lot more if I opened my mind a little bit.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #5  January 28,2010, 10:12am
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I'm with you Tiffany! I have nothing against men of other race's, but i'm only interested in dating black men.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #6  January 29,2010, 3:51pm
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FairOne wrote :
I'm with you Tiffany! I have nothing against men of other race's, but i'm only interested in dating black men.
I've recently met a good one...but I'm still trying to figure out why the brotha's don't approach me.... That's OK. I'm patient and I still love 'em.
 
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Visforvictory is offline Visforvictory Post #7  February 8,2010, 12:32pm
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I've asked male friends why men don't approach me. They shared that many women have a kind of business like persona that doesn't warrant a friendly approach. They say, some men feel initimdated because of my perceived confidence. I'm not one to linger for thoughts or gestures so if someone is trying to approach me, I probably miss the ques. These days, I wish men would understand women have a few protective barriers (not necessarily by choice) that we keep on in order to survive.
 
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Justabro is offline Justabro Post #8  March 12,2010, 12:32pm
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This is an open ended question. Black men are not a monolithic group that all have the same wants and needs. It depends on who you ask.

However, I can tell you 3 things that upwardly mobile black men like myself look for in a woman.

Humility - That is the number one thing. I have traveled extensively all over the world, and I have dated women of different backgrounds and nationalities. One thing I have noticed many African American women(only them mind you) do is tell me they are "educated" or about their qualifications, how strong they are etc. It makes me wonder about the security of the person to be frank. When was the last time you heard this "I'm a strong, independent Indian woman with a degree who has her sh*t together." Think about it. Now read that aloud. Sounds absurd does it not? Yet, many of my dear sistas do that all the time. Strong, smart and independent people don't have to remind people that they are. We know. Furthermore, those are traits of adulthood and responsibility i.e. it is normal & expected for sane adults. You aren't special for being that way. If you find yourself saying or describing yourself with these silly phrases, you might not be as secure & strong as you might think. It's also a huge turnoff.

Fitness - I'm a pretty fit guy, and I've been to many different gyms across the country. I can count the number of sistas I have seen in the gym on both hands. That is a travesty. Remember this, and it might be cold & harsh, but the truth spares no feelings. Most men are only as loyal as their options. Upwardly mobile men with options do not date obese women. Spare me the details of "well some men like that". Deep down you don't believe that, and even if you do, what exactly do the men that like that look like? Creme de la creme? Top of the line men? I'll wait.

Get in the gym, take care of your body and eat well. Nothing is more attractive than a physically fit woman. Sistas, stop deluding yourselves that you are "thick". Nothing is sexy about a woman that is a prime candidate for diabetes, stroke and hypertension.

Culture - It blows my mind how many "educated sistas" are literally not interested in anything outside of pop culture. All they know are R&B/hiphop songs, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Oprah, Tyra, Survivor or whatever drama shows come on tv. Talk to them about Puccinni, La Boheme, De Falla, Hardbop, postbop & avant garde jazz, Eric Dolphy, Verdi, Mussorgkssky, Mid-Century modern art, architecture etc and you will hear crickets chirping. Many will even consider that to be boring. Fair enough, but what kind of man do you think you will attract when all you know is junk pop culture? Certainly not a refined one. Expand your horizons. Your brain will thank you.

Cheers,
Justabro
 
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MsSunny is offline MsSunny Post #9  March 14,2010, 1:04pm
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Yes, it is an open ended question and thanks for your comment and I truly understand where you are coming from. As you know life is a continual journey and hopefully we will learn about people and more about ourselves as well during our daily travel.

Many years ago I married a wonderful educated man. Although I was also educated I did not have the global cultural exposures he was blessed to have experienced. He shared with me his experience: we traveled, read books, consumed volumes of music and explored cultures unlike our own. There was nothing unique about us; we both grew up in the disadvantaged educational system of Chicago. So over the years I have learned that we must share our experiences and expose our children and family to things out of their comfort zone.

Please be patient with us, we are still on the outer edge of racism and slavery, and yes black women had to be strong and proud to keep the family together as their men were torn from their arms just a century and a half ago. Today, in some professions no matter how educated and well prepared you are, it is a daily struggle for a black woman to move upward. So we must stay strong and focused for many reasons. Maybe our well educated and global exposed brothers can do as Otis Redding stated in one of his R&B songs, Yes, I listen to everything and I like the blues because it documents the common man’s struggle, ”Try A Little Tenderness". Like you said we maybe a little insecure, I feel maybe we have the right to be. It is hard growing up and we are still growing as African American people. We can all learn from each other and we should lift each other up, share your knowledge and experiences there are many educated black women who want to share as well as learn from you.
It was great reading your comment.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #10  March 16,2010, 12:14pm
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JustABro,
Enjoyed your comment!
 
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