Just_A_Thought is offline Just_A_Thought Post #1  May 2,2009, 1:57pm
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This is for my sisters: Would it bother you to date a guy who you made more money than? I mean by 10's of thousands of dollars -- like his 40K to your 70K.


Have you ever dated a gentlemen that it bothered him that you made more money?


Would you consider marrying a gentlemenif there was that big of a difference in income?


Have you considered how to administer the financial responsibilities in that type of home? I've heard teaching that said to live off the husband's income and use the wife's for investment in IRA's and stuff.


"C'mon." If a lady is used to pulling in 70K and all of a sudden is expected to live off of 40K, that's going to be an interesting home life for the both of them...


I will admit that this is one of thestruggles for mewithmeeting up with a "suitable companion" for me. The saying goes "I can do bad by myself." But I've always changed that to, "I can do pretty well by myself, too."
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #2  May 2,2009, 3:32pm
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Just_A_Thought, wrote :

This is for my sisters: Would it bother you to date a guy who you made more money than? I mean by 10's of thousands of dollars -- like his 40K to your 70K.


Have you ever dated a gentlemen that it bothered him that you made more money?


Would you consider marrying a gentlemenif there was that big of a difference in income?


Have you considered how to administer the financial responsibilities in that type of home? I've heard teaching that said to live off the husband's income and use the wife's for investment in IRA's and stuff.


"C'mon." If a lady is used to pulling in 70K and all of a sudden is expected to live off of 40K, that's going to be an interesting home life for the both of them...


I will admit that this is one of thestruggles for mewithmeeting up with a "suitable companion" for me. The saying goes "I can do bad by myself." But I've always changed that to, "I can do pretty well by myself, too."
Though, what a good question.


I have dated a fellow who wasn't as established in his life as I am - I have a house, he was trying to buy his first; my car is paid for, he was working to upgrade his car from grad school; my job is prety stable and I love it, his manager is out to get him and he hates his - and he had serious issues with this. I actually had absolutely no idea how much money he made, even after dating almost a year. He lived in a little apartment with little furniture and a tiny black and white tv. Hewas a hiring manager for a large government agency, so I know he made a decent piece of change- he was just saving practically all his money to buy his house and upgrade his car one day. I was impressed at his dedication to his goal and the sacrifices he was willing to make to accomplish it. The REAL problem wasn't the differences in life stability or income (he probably made more than me), it was him being so focused on his goals and having no time for me. I didn't care about anything else but being with him, and he couldn't see that. Oh, but I reminisce sadly...


I wouldn't have a problem dating and even marrying a man who makes considerably less money than I do. Heck, I don't make that much as it is!


I don't know where that teaching you mentioned came from, but that strikes me as a bit odd. The problem I have with that idea isn't that I'm expected to live off a drastically reduced income all of a sudden and invest all of mine - it's thatit soundspretty financially unfeasable to force two people to live off ofone drastically reduced income when both incomes can be combined, and a specific amount agreed on that is allocated fromthe totalto use for investments and the like. I think it's wise to live below your means, certainly, but not to the point of forcing yourself to live in poverty if it's not necessary.


Conversely, just because yourcombined income is now $110K, it doesn't mean you should buy a 7-bedroom McMansion with his and her Jaguars, either. That's a sure path to financial problems, IMO.


I'm more interested in what a man does with the money he does make, however much that is, and his views on financial management in a marriage (who pays the bills, do we have separate accounts or not [I've heard it's a good idea to have 4 - one joint for bills and household, one for savings requiring 2 signatures to wirthdraw, one for him that she has no control over and say about and one for her that he has no control over and say about - seems reasonable to me, I could see me doing this], what are his views on investing and how much to save and invest, and how he feels about lending money to family, etc.)


After the bills are paid and the kitchen is stocked with food, as long as I can get myquarterly allottment for Lady Maintenance, I'm good!
 
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JasonX43 is offline JasonX43 Post #3  May 4,2009, 2:28am
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Money isn't happiness! No matter who makes the most, it's the love that should be most important!
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #4  May 4,2009, 10:19am
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JasonX43,604545 wrote :

Money isn't happiness! No matter who makes the most, it's the love that should be most important!
You are right, Jason, but if one partner is mismanaging money, or is not contributing to the maintenance of the household, then all the love in the world won't overcome the problems that creates. Money matters (as well as spiritual, sexual, family, and career matters) need to be laid out up front in no uncertain terms long before the wedding day.
 
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yves37 is offline yves37 Post #5  May 24,2009, 12:05pm
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I have never "dated" a guy who made that much less than I did BUT was "married" to a guy who made almost twice as much but brought in 10-20k less due to overwhelming debt. With that being said, I think that we need to consider all factors. If a man makes 40k and you make 70k, what are your individual debt ratios? Is he financial frugal or living above his means? Is he putting the maximum in his 401k, haven't any student loans or kids? From experience, I know that a man's "per annum" earnings are not the only thing that should be considered. For instance, a 40k man with no debt and no children that's financial responsible is more appealing than a 125k with 1 child, 60k in student loans, 2 luxury vehicles and an immpecable taste for fine clothing. Dig deeper....Find out all factors
 
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dscot399 is offline dscot399 Post #6  May 28,2009, 5:08am
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yves37 wrote :
I have never "dated" a guy who made that much less than I did BUT was "married" to a guy who made almost twice as much but brought in 10-20k less due to overwhelming debt. With that being said, I think that we need to consider all factors. If a man makes 40k and you make 70k, what are your individual debt ratios? Is he financial frugal or living above his means? Is he putting the maximum in his 401k, haven't any student loans or kids? From experience, I know that a man's "per annum" earnings are not the only thing that should be considered. For instance, a 40k man with no debt and no children that's financial responsible is more appealing than a 125k with 1 child, 60k in student loans, 2 luxury vehicles and an immpecable taste for fine clothing. Dig deeper....Find out all factors
I cannot put my hands on the Census stats currently, but I'm confident in saying that less than 10% of black men make over 70K! When you exclude the men that are married, or unavailable to you (dating lifestyle, not ready to commit, or simply not interested) a black woman who is only intent on dating black men would be foolish to think she will get a man who is matching her income.

Any woman who makes $50K should go locate the census numbers and see how rare a man is that match her income. Stipulating that any man you date must be compatible, black, and be able to provide an upper-middle class income is like asking to be single. You might as well start shopping now because chances are you end on the wedding circuit chasing down bouquets hoping that little old ladies don't ask you are you next.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #7  May 29,2009, 5:01pm
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dscot399 wrote :
I cannot put my hands on the Census stats currently, but I'm confident in saying that less than 10% of black men make over 70K! When you exclude the men that are married, or unavailable to you (dating lifestyle, not ready to commit, or simply not interested) a black woman who is only intent on dating black men would be foolish to think she will get a man who is matching her income.

Any woman who makes $50K should go locate the census numbers and see how rare a man is that match her income. Stipulating that any man you date must be compatible, black, and be able to provide an upper-middle class income is like asking to be single. You might as well start shopping now because chances are you end on the wedding circuit chasing down bouquets hoping that little old ladies don't ask you are you next.
Where in her post do you get that she was saying a Black man had to match her income? That is nowhere in the post. She clearly stated that income isn't as much of an issue as a man's spending habits, money management, and debt/income ratio are.
 
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dscot399 is offline dscot399 Post #8  May 30,2009, 11:11pm
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Jacquiem wrote :
Where in her post do you get that she was saying a Black man had to match her income? That is nowhere in the post. She clearly stated that income isn't as much of an issue as a man's spending habits, money management, and debt/income ratio are.
There you go again trying to infer some deeper meaning to my statement. My statement was simple observation of the fact women should be realistic about income expectations. Just because I attached my comment to a particular speaker does not mean I disagree with what she stated.

The speaker that I chose made comment and I simply wanted to add a few words. If I wanted to address some slights on her part I would have done so.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #9  May 31,2009, 6:56pm
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dscot399 wrote :
There you go again trying to infer some deeper meaning to my statement. My statement was simple observation of the fact women should be realistic about income expectations. Just because I attached my comment to a particular speaker does not mean I disagree with what she stated.

The speaker that I chose made comment and I simply wanted to add a few words. If I wanted to address some slights on her part I would have done so.
Whaateeeeever you say.
 
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