Old Fashioned Romance & Courtship

Although it was not my intention to do so, It seems that i have offended you. Please accept my sincere apologies.

Soooo...you realize there is a problem, you recognize what contributes to the problem, and you choose not to behave differently to not continue to contribute to the problem???
......

One or the other, dude. You can't complain about how much trouble the free booty is at the same time you're out there collecting as much of it as you can. You're not going to get a lot of sympathy for your dilemma from me on this one.

You misunderstood my position on the matter and my perception of what the problem is. I ask for no sympathies, in fact I should be giving you mine. I hold the belief that "Classy Ladies" are the problem. I'm certain there will be some feminist backlash, yet I will provide a supporting narrative before ending with an analogy.

For narrative purposes, "Classy Ladies" is being used in the broadest stroke possible and automatically classifying independent professional women as classy.

In the early to mid 20th century men pursued "Classy Ladies" because there was a perceived shortage of them around. Classy ladies was perceived to be proper highly desirable women, and since there was a shortage they set the rules.

Feminism, civil rights and the general growth of equality in America happen and there was rapid expansion of education and professional growth opportunities for women.

Collectively women grabbed ahold of the opportunity, and increased their standard of living, and independence. As more and more women achieve that status there was a flood of "Classy Women" on the marketplace that fundamentally change courting.

Jump to the 21st century and the number of women who classified themselves as "Classy Women" keep increasing while the number of men who will pursue them are decreasing.

"Classy Women" think that they are entitled to quality and the marketplace should be focused on them. They are incorrect, as always the focus of the 21st century marketplace is on where the demand is (Black Men). "Free Booty" recognize this and are attempting to make the best arrangement possible to get what they want.

Just like in real estate, black love in America is a buyer's market (black male). The buyer gets to dictate terms because there are many sellers (women black and non-black) on the market.

What disgust me is that "Classy Women" think they are above the market conditions and that if they sit around pouting and crying enough that will be a favorable bailout.

Sooooo.....

You're disgusted at women who have standards and who won't accept being treated like a part-time plaything? I admit, I'm confused by both your posts.

You complain in your first one about loose women who have no standards and who give out the booty like it's free candy. That you called disgusting and you don't even bother to court those women. No mention of "classy women" in that post.

In your second post, you point the finger at the haughty "classy women" for being too snooty to give up the booty without some kind of committment from the men they desire. Suggesting that we (alright, I'll go ahead and identify with the "classy ladies") should be glad to give up the booty to our Black brothers primarily because they are so few and have a right, conferred upon them by their rareness in quantity, to dictate to us how we ought to accept being treated - regardless of whether we get the treatment we desire or not - if we want to be "loved" by them. Only the "love" might not be actual love as in genuine committment, affection, and respect, just a stiff one three nights a week and maybe a night out at the club. Because there are so few Black men, we "classy ladies" ought to be glad we're being offered that, the market being so tight as it is.

I'm not feeling either sentiment from either post.

Yes, there are plenty of Black Man Hating clubs out here among Black women who have no interest in being any immature man's plaything, booty call, or jump off, primarily because after you've dated 6 men in a row who treat you like that, you tend to become a little jaded about the rest of the population. I'm not saying I agree with their perspective, I just completely understand - having been in the same boat myself - how they come to feel the way they do. And there are some women do sit around and whine and moan about how few men there are and how many dogs abound in the pool that exists in their area. Truthfully, some of you guys aren't cutting us any slack, either, so we're both guilty on this one. If I hear one more story about a Black man who's gone to Brazil and came back with the revelation that "this is what's wrong with Black women" I will scream. And then there is the premise behind your post - that Black women ought to get off our high horses and be glad to get ANYTHING from a Black man, because they are so few and in such high demand that it's our standards that need to be lowered so we can get what the rare Black man decides to give us. Good grief, this is awful stuff. We feed off each other's injurious behavior toward each other, and it's a vicious cycle that I wish I could break for everyone. We are all, every single one of us, entitled to be treated with respect because we are human beings. Perhaps if Black people looked at each other and identified themselves from that perspective - human beings deserving of giving and receiving respect - as opposed to being "independent women" and "eligible men" who use those identifiers to dictate how the opposite sex should be treated and treat us based on which characteristic is more prevalent in our society, we wouldn't have this ignorant, destructive, sociopathic problem.

And just to be clear, if that man happens to not be Black, then that's the way that cookie crumbles. I know some Black women have an issue with dating non-Black men; I know some Black men who don't like Black women dating non-Black men, even though they date non-Black women. Whatever. My desire for a good man in my life trumps everything else but Christian faith, and that includes race. Even though I know there are enumerable Black men out there who are good men who are still looking for that "Classy Lady," if the man I meet who wants me and a life with me isn't Black, oh well. Me and my persnickety principles still win.

As a so-called "classy lady," I don't want your sympathy, either. A little less of a disparaging attitude toward women with standards would be nice, though.

Whew, my fingers are tired now.

Old Fashion Courting is dead, for a couple reasons.
Promiscuous sex, tops the chart. Being that sex is readily available, that removes one of the reasons to pursue a lasting relationship.
More important than sex, though is that has been a complete 180 reversal in marketplace between blacks. "Quality" black men don't have to chase after black women, because they are outnumbered 3-10 to 1 (depending on location) by their counterparts not inlcuding the option of dating outside the race.

The question that must be asked is why would men "court" women when they can dicate the terms because the quantity/quality difference.

Honestly, I've never met a woman (20's to early 30's) who have a clue what courting is. It is so digusting, I don't even put forth the effort, especially on eharmony.

Bravo dscot399! Your arguments are very cogent and lucid. I've suspected as much, but I've never heard it laid out quite like that before.Brilliant!

Reading your responses, I get the thinking that you want to sit here and argue. I'm not here to do that.

I'm here to express ideas and respond to different ones. If instead of attacking my position, you respected it as an alternate viewpoint. There would be no need for a defense, just clarification.