Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #21  April 22,2009, 12:36pm
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rrayson,589125 wrote :

WOW...ICAN'T believe what I've read. Based on many of the posts here, one would incorrectly assume those who are 'saving' themselves for marriage are virgins. Now, for those who are virgins, I can respect your points of view but for those of us who are not...PLEASE, stop the bull... Sex, regardless of the amount, the precentage, is a very personal issue and there is no right or wrong time to decide to have sex with ones partner. So I would hope 'everyone' would stop giving advise...including me (smile). Really, I do not consider myself giving advise to anyone regarding their choice but if the 40 and over crowd here has not engaged in sex, then you have an opinion. If you, for any reason, wish to become a 'born-again-virgin' forget it and let others lead their lives as they deem fit.


Personally, there is nothing better then great sex. And, yes, it is about good sex...not just sex with ones partner. Those who think otherwise are mistaken and we wonder why men and women have affairs. On a personal note: I met a woman who had three children and she told me that she would have sex until she was married (she was divorced at that time). I thought this was kinda funny since she already has three children and I was wondering what she was saving 'it' for. Oh, yes, there was not a second date. What would the point.
I couldn't help but respond to your post. I don't think anyone who is abstinent until marriage - like me - is giving anyone else advice on what to do in their sex life. I can say that I only comment on what I do, as you do. Because my opinion on what I do with my sex life is different from what you do with yours isn't and indication that I am telling you what to do. Just offering my opinion based on my experience just like everyone else does.


You ask what would someone who has already had sex save "it" for marriage. I can tell you why I am: I based many of my previous relationships on sex. It was the focal point of those relationships, and I stayed in destructive relationships too long because I equated sex with affection from men who did not care about me at all. Even after I ended the last long-term relationship many years ago, I found that few men I met were interested in getting to know me without sex, and that bothered me a great deal. If it is me the person you're interested in, why is sex with me a prerequisite to getting to know me? And I had a problem seeing the person for who he really was because I had sex with them too quickly. Then their true colors would show and I was right back to where I started. I was tired of this viscious cycle, I felt physically used up, and emotionally drained. I didn't know who I was as a person, either. Other than great sex, I didn't know what I had to offer a man, and that was a huge problem. So I decided to stop having sex, in fact stop dating,for a while until I got myself straight. In the process I started going to church and rededicated my life to Christ and learned who I am in God's estimation - what He thinks of me. It was earth-shattering information. I am so much more valuable to Him than I ever was to myself. I learned and finally understood the role God intended sex to play in people's lives, it's importance, the spiritual aspects of it, what it represents for us (believers) in relation to Him. After learning this, I couldn't approach sex as a casual recreation anymore. He gave me the desire for it, and I still have the desire for it, and He will provide a husband for me to fulfill that desire with.


Now, having said all that, this is what I believe. If others don't believe it, that's cool: you do what works for you. Because my veiws on sex for me are different from your views on sex for you, it doesn't mean I'm judging you or anyone else. My viewpoint is just different. So what is the woman with 3 children saving "it" for? The man who she feels like deserves to have "it," and for her, that's whoever her husband will be. And that's her choice and right, as it is mine.


I think that criticizing someone for exercising a choice that you don't agree with and maybe don't understand is just as judgmental as you accuse others of being.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #22  April 22,2009, 12:37pm
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idocare,589198 wrote :

Sexually active folks won't wait until marriage. The older you get the less important sexin the relationship becomes. If you were active sexually in another relationshipthen decide to wait for marriage with your nextrelationship;then I agree that it should be mentioned to someone your communicating with somewhat early on in the communicating stage. Don't wait until the person has flown way across the country to tellthem they'renot gettin none.
Oooh, yeah, that would be really, really, very unfair. Full disclosure up front and right away!
 
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Just_A_Thought is offline Just_A_Thought Post #23  April 23,2009, 5:37pm
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Jacquiem,589394 wrote :

idocare,589198 wrote :


Sexually active folks won't wait until marriage. The older you get the less important sexin the relationship becomes. If you were active sexually in another relationshipthen decide to wait for marriage with your nextrelationship;then I agree that it should be mentioned to someone your communicating with somewhat early on in the communicating stage. Don't wait until the person has flown way across the country to tellthem they'renot gettin none.


Oooh, yeah, that would be really, really, very unfair. Full disclosure up front and right away!
Ok, I got a laugh...


I was wondering why the person flying all the way across the country would assume they were gettin' some sex in the first place. If he/she is flying all the way across the country just for sex, save some money and jump the bones of someone in their own city.


If they're flying all the way across the country to meet me, then be satisfied with that.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #24  April 24,2009, 10:31am
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Just_A_Thought,591050 wrote :

Jacquiem,589394 wrote :


idocare,589198 wrote :


Sexually active folks won't wait until marriage. The older you get the less important sexin the relationship becomes. If you were active sexually in another relationshipthen decide to wait for marriage with your nextrelationship;then I agree that it should be mentioned to someone your communicating with somewhat early on in the communicating stage. Don't wait until the person has flown way across the country to tellthem they'renot gettin none.


Oooh, yeah, that would be really, really, very unfair. Full disclosure up front and right away!


Ok, I got a laugh...


I was wondering why the person flying all the way across the country would assume they were gettin' some sex in the first place. If he/she is flying all the way across the country just for sex, save some money and jump the bones of someone in their own city.


If they're flying all the way across the country to meet me, then be satisfied with that.
I would think that makes sense, but that actually happened to me where a man visited from another state and was ENRAGED that I wasn't giving him any. Even though I told him I'm abstinent, his argument was that he came "all this way" and I was going to send him away with "not even a taste????!!!!"


I laughed at him so hard till I cried.


Then I called a cab to take him back to the airport.
 
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Just_A_Thought is offline Just_A_Thought Post #25  April 25,2009, 4:03pm
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Jacquiem,591895 wrote :

I would think that makes sense, but that actually happened to me where a man visited from another state and was ENRAGED that I wasn't giving him any. Even though I told him I'm abstinent, his argument was that he came "all this way" and I was going to send him away with "not even a taste????!!!!"


I laughed at him so hard till I cried.


Then I called a cab to take him back to the airport.

LOL You know what? That happened to my sister, too. A man traveled a large distance to see her and was not happy that she didn't have sex with him.


So although hilarious, it carries a note of sadness, too...
 
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