jenny_926 is offline jenny_926 Post #1  December 2,2009, 6:51pm
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I'd like some thoughts from others on this situation. Just a little bit of background, I don't have a ton of experience in the "dating world." I'm 32, but was married for the majority of my 20s and was in 1 relationship immediately following my divorce..so sometimes I feel like I'm out of touch with dating norms.

Anyway, I had gone out on several dates with a man from eHarmony over a 3-4 week period. After date #4, I invited him in....one thing led to another, and we ended up in my bedroom. Prior to the initiation of sex, he asked me if I was on the pill; to which I replied, "no." So he has a condom (which I would have insisted upon even if I were on the pill); however, at one point, I guess he took it off. I don't even know how this happened (although I know we changed positions - I hope this isn't too graphic). Anyway, the bottom line is that he climaxed and I felt it. I said, "did you just *** inside of me?" He said, yes. I said, I told you I wasn't on the pill!!

Ok, so I am very upset. I am worried about pregnancy and STDs. Beyond that, I don't feel like I can trust this person. Hopefully not, but I am the one who will have to suffer the consequence of his selfish decision to take of the condom.

So tell me your thoughts.... am I overreacting?? I have been upset about this for a couple of days, and I do not want to date him anymore.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  December 2,2009, 7:06pm
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I don't think you are over-reacting at all. He violated your trust and IMO your consent to safe sex as well by risking pregnancy and infection.

Have you discussed with him whether he has been recently tested for STDs? Regardless, I would make sure you get yourself tested soon. Also, ask your doctor to about getting tested in a month or two for things that don't show up on tests (like HIV) within the first few weeks of exposure. I'm not sure if you have already taken care of using emergency contraception, but I wouldn't waste another day if you haven't looked into it already.
 
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Sucia1969 is offline Sucia1969 Post #3  December 2,2009, 7:10pm
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jenny_926 wrote :
I'd like some thoughts from others on this situation. Just a little bit of background, I don't have a ton of experience in the "dating world." I'm 32, but was married for the majority of my 20s and was in 1 relationship immediately following my divorce..so sometimes I feel like I'm out of touch with dating norms.

Anyway, I had gone out on several dates with a man from eHarmony over a 3-4 week period. After date #4, I invited him in....one thing led to another, and we ended up in my bedroom. Prior to the initiation of sex, he asked me if I was on the pill; to which I replied, "no." So he has a condom (which I would have insisted upon even if I were on the pill); however, at one point, I guess he took it off. I don't even know how this happened (although I know we changed positions - I hope this isn't too graphic). Anyway, the bottom line is that he climaxed and I felt it. I said, "did you just *** inside of me?" He said, yes. I said, I told you I wasn't on the pill!!

Ok, so I am very upset. I am worried about pregnancy and STDs. Beyond that, I don't feel like I can trust this person. Hopefully not, but I am the one who will have to suffer the consequence of his selfish decision to take of the condom.

So tell me your thoughts.... am I overreacting?? I have been upset about this for a couple of days, and I do not want to date him anymore.
and

So he obviously knew it came off, and just kept on about his business. No, I don't think you are overreaccting, I would even go so far as to demand you see proof from his physisian that he is "clean". Not that that is fool proof, but could save you some anguish in the coming weeks, months...
What is his reaction to your reaction?
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #4  December 2,2009, 8:30pm
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Bobbitize him!!!
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #5  December 2,2009, 8:57pm
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Please
If when it happended was within the last few days... go to a clinic and get the Morning after pill.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  December 2,2009, 10:42pm

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you are not overreacting.

First: GO RIGHT NOW to the drugstore and purchase Plan B- the morning after pill, like hoggie suggested.

Second: in most states, STD testing for HIV, syphilis, gonnorhea and clamidya is free- most of the free testing is done at any hospital. you can get tested now, but will have to be retested a few months later. Herpes testing is usually not free but a doctor can give you a script to get tested- though you will probably know you have it in a week.

Third: you need to call him and explain your plans if you happen to be pregnant and what you expect his responsibility to be WRT either child support or the cost of an abortion.

My personal opinion is the guy is a doosh and you should not see him again. and in the future, before having sex with someone, make sure you discuss with them the implications of intimacy.

good luck, and keep us updated!
Last edited by scarlet13; December 3,2009 at 9:52am. Reason: thought of a better insult
 
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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #7  December 3,2009, 7:25am
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jenny_926 wrote :
I'd like some thoughts from others on this situation. Just a little bit of background, I don't have a ton of experience in the "dating world." I'm 32, but was married for the majority of my 20s and was in 1 relationship immediately following my divorce..so sometimes I feel like I'm out of touch with dating norms.

Anyway, I had gone out on several dates with a man from eHarmony over a 3-4 week period. After date #4, I invited him in....one thing led to another, and we ended up in my bedroom. Prior to the initiation of sex, he asked me if I was on the pill; to which I replied, "no." So he has a condom (which I would have insisted upon even if I were on the pill); however, at one point, I guess he took it off. I don't even know how this happened (although I know we changed positions - I hope this isn't too graphic). Anyway, the bottom line is that he climaxed and I felt it. I said, "did you just *** inside of me?" He said, yes. I said, I told you I wasn't on the pill!!

Ok, so I am very upset. I am worried about pregnancy and STDs. Beyond that, I don't feel like I can trust this person. Hopefully not, but I am the one who will have to suffer the consequence of his selfish decision to take of the condom.

So tell me your thoughts.... am I overreacting?? I have been upset about this for a couple of days, and I do not want to date him anymore.
You have every right to be upset/feel violated. His behavior is deplorable. I agree with everyone to get the morning after pill if you are in the window and get checked for STDs for peace of mind.

I am so sorry you went through this.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #8  December 3,2009, 10:32am

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Well doesn't this just suck?

I'm with the Go To A Clinic-not necessarily your doctor...for a couple of reasons..at a clinic you don't have to identify yourself unless you do test positive for HIV. In your doctors office, this will go on your 'permanent records' and more and more these records are not secure-even though your doctor may indicate it is secure, and HIPPA says it, more medical records have gone online accessible to anyone in the system with the right codes and to hackers and who knows who eventually.

You can get Plan B NOW and should unless that is against your personal belief system of course. Much better for you to do it now than agonize later if you are preggy. Check the Plan B rules ahead of time to make sure you say the right thing in the clinic.

Am I telling you to lie--you bet! You have to look out for yourself after Mr Wrong didn't.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  December 3,2009, 12:58pm

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just a clarification: you do not need to get Plan B from a clinic. it is available online at Drugstore.com, or at any drugstore.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #10  December 3,2009, 1:46pm
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quote= eh advice, kate Sorry for the inconvenience, but here is a copy of what you wrote so that you can re-post it. It's otherwise a great post: end quote (I've been modded and word began with "c", not "s")


Holy ****, though I generally avoid labeling, what an insensitive, self serving, ignominious, [ ]!!!!!! In addition to hoping that everything is ok for you, I truly hope this does not "scar" you into thinking that all males are this way, as they most definitely are not.

As a small note ever so slightly to the flip side (putting my flame suit on), demanding that you see results of recent STD tests is totally justified IFF (if and only if) you have done the same. Whether you have had 100 partners or 1 (which can easily be equal to 1000 because includes everyone they and their partners have slept with), frequent testing (some things take a while to show up) is imperative for both parties (when was the last time you were tested?). Putting responsibility on just one participant is just wrong. Although the pill / condoms (I am incredibly sorry and do not mean to be accusitive, but personally and as reported by every woman I have ever known, it is a bit hard for me to fully believe that you could not tell the difference, and/or never bothered to look) / "only having had one relationship since divorce" (are you 100% sure your ex was 100% faithful?) are great and should be a "given", none are 100%. Even though it seems you have done quite a bit, I cannot stress enough that you (and you demand of every one you meet) do everything you can (short of regressing to a cave) to protect yourself.

Showing my naivete: defining someone as a "tool" imperatively demand (and therefore place "blame") that she made him that (is it the guy that decides that he wants to be a tool or the woman that defines the male as "just a tool"?

Summary: There is no doubt that the guy is a totally insensitive self serving idiot (endangering himself and everyone he meets) / jerk (endangering you and everyone you may meet). Just asking that he wear a condom is not enough. Similar to asking if female is on pill, it is up to you to make sure it is on (for the guy, she really is on pill). It seems incredibly harsh, but asking if someone has been tested is not enough. I flat out offer to show my (recent) results, and expect nothing but the same. I value myself (and my ability to raise my children) far too much to let endorphins (wonderful drugs released when you get horny) cloud my judgement.

I wish you the absolute best by what ever decision you make (some are ethically opposed to any form of abortion) and though this is a "wake up call", I hope you are not embittered by it. "Good guys" do still exist, I would encourage you to be a proactive good girl and "lead by example." It's a harsh world out there. Get tested regularly whether you have 0 or 100 partners, protected or not. To me, a 1 year old test is worthless no matter how many partners you say you have had.
 
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