is it ever ok to ask someone about their sexual history?

I think instead of asking their sexual history you should just explain to them yours. That opens up the door for them to say "I am not a virgin" or "phew me to". I think that's all you are really asking?

I dated a virgin when I was 23 for 6 months before I unvirginized her and then for about 2 years after wards. She didn't have religious reasons and I must say that I would never do it again. It was maddening in retrospect but I knew what I was getting into.

How was it maddening?

Well if you're choosing to wait then the 'norm' for previous sexual partners is zero.

Why does it matter to you what other people, who do not share your values, are doing?

I don't get it? I think I detect the slight whiff of censure.

I guess what I would like to learn about it is whether or not they are a virgin.... cause even though it's rare to find a guy that's a virgin in his 20's, I'd like to know so that I know what to expect if we ever got intimate.

no i actually prefer if they weren't a virgin.. cause i imagine 2 virgins having sex would be pretty awkward.. i could be wrong though

It was extremely frustrating for a variety of reasons (and I will try hard to be objective in my experience without projecting or blaming, but bear with me this might be an impossibility!). Pardon the graphic nature of the following :/

On account of her (non) sexual history I perceived she was (for lack of a better term) sexually retarded. She was non affectionate, not easily aroused, sexually apathetic. This was both before and after we had sex for the first time. It wasn't until after the relationship that I removed blame on account of her being a virgin.

Because she had spent her entire highschool, college life without a sexual relationship she instead replaced her desire (or need for it) with masturbation to a tragically efficient replacement of the opposite sex. We had a LDR for a year that involved me flying from Seattle to Boston to visit her about every month to 1.5 months. She wasn't into phone sex - in fact refused it. During these spans I refrained from masturbating myself - in expectation of seeing her (it really increased the fun by like 3x); but at the same time my balls felt like pomegranates.

You can imagine my reaction when she gave herself an orgasm while waiting in traffic coming to pick me up from the airport (not on account of my arrival but because she was bored) and then nonchalantly told me so when she arrived. I was crushed. it completely devalued my effort and expectations in wanting to be with her and made me feel completely unattractive. It hurt my feelings a lot and she was oblivious when it did.

She would intentionally plan her visits to come visit me when she was on her period (and refused to have sex because of it) MULTIPLE, concurrent times.

Her family had a pool and when she was 15 she figured out what an orgasm was by sitting on one of those water jets. Being an introvert by nature she figured out a way to replace embarrassment with not having a boyfriend by being sexually self sufficient. We all masturbate but not normally to the exclusion of relationships I don't think.

It took 6 months for her to agree to have sex after we started dating. And it was at the urging of her own mother "23 year old boys need to have sex" - which is the nature of how she told me she was ready. How romantic!

Over her 21 years as a virgin she had internalized expectations of sex being much more fun than it ended up being for her which caused her some disappointment. She was not enthusiastic in the act and made no pretense to be. I could get her to orgasm orally (and did constantly- for like hour sessions) but as soon as it was intercourse she just did not like it. BJs just aren't the real deal, nor is a partner that acts apathetic so of course I was frustrated.

There was some resentment on her part because she felt disappointed and a little suspicious that I might "be doing it wrong". I took offense and assured her "no actually I'm quite sure I'm doing everything I always had!" there was some back and forth involving that. And in the meantime she'd keep her libido low by getting herself off whenever she felt the inkling. And of course there was some machoism on my part saying "If I can't get you to like sex than no one ever will be able to!" and we'd do the deed for like an hour straight and still "meh".

It's really as if sex was a turnoff- because even when she was ringing her doorbell while we were doing it - no dice. The second she was on her own - bang-- done deal. Imagine how a 23-25 year old guy would take that then you can kind of appreciate my stubbornness to constantly try and "prove" myself and "fix" her.

I ended up breaking up with her after a mountain of resentment and anger forced me to realize I was expending energy and love at a deadened, selfish and apathetic wall.

I think at the time I felt that it was my job to help her mature sexually. In retrospect the issues I describe stemmed from her and not the fact that she was a virgin. I had too much pride to realize they were issues I couldn't "fix".

And trust me when I don't aim to project any of this onto you being a virgin, OP . It might be hard to believe now that I am completely over the relationship but it really messed me up for a while. That's why personally I believe lots of sexual experiences are valuable in understanding what is "normal" and what is not, what you like and what you don't.

sorry if this is off topic >_< perhaps someone else will benefit

rest assured though what does not kill me makes me stronger! I am healed and unscarred if I can make it through that I think I am stronger for it

I was wondering if it's ever alright to ask someone you're dating how many people they've slept with, or how old they were when they lost their virginity. I know these are very personal questions, ones that you wouldn't ask on the first few dates atleast, but I think they can say alot about a person.

Have any of you ever asked someone you were dating these questions? If so, how long did you wait?