scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #1  November 7,2009, 2:09am

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

Anonymous Poster asks:

Hi I have read several topics or posts about orgasms in LTAS, but I am curious if the discussion included a man who can not "get there". Well, that's me! I'm 38 years old, FYI. Absolutely heterosexual--if it matters.
I'm curious about one thing in particular: Should I tell a new partner about this "problem" BEFORE the big event? I would never want her to feel that it has or had anything to do with her-- as it it has happened (or NOT!!! sigh) with every woman I've been with. It seems the ones I tell beforehand seem to understand and it's no big deal.
On the other hand, it could make the relationship change dramatically as it has seemed to kill the moment for some. I'd like to know how women would REALLY feel about this unusual situation.
Well I hope there is a question in there somewhere! I do like to be considerate with my partner, so any comments from a woman's perspective will be great.
Thanks
 
  Reply With Quote
jtkdp is online now jtkdp Post #2  November 7,2009, 5:18am
jtkdp's Avatar

gets right on to the friction of the day...

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2008

Colorado

Posts: 1,207

See profile

Does the poster mean he has trouble having an orgasm, or getting an erection?
 
  Reply With Quote
johnken1 is offline johnken1 Post #3  November 7,2009, 5:44am
johnken1's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Orillia,Ontario,Canada

Posts: 18

See profile

I have a question as well. I have a big problem with premature ejaculation. I also don't know when I find someone new do I tell them about this. I am going to see a urologist this week about this and another proble. I do not want a women thinking gee this is no fun. I want to be able to please a woman. Do I tell them or wait until the urologist begins treatment. Any answer or advice toi solve this problem is greatly apprciated and helpful as my ex cut Me off for 3 and a half years and I feel this my be part of the problem all though I am unsure. Has this problem occured to anyone else out there and if it has how did they deal with the problem and solve it.
 
  Reply With Quote
jtkdp is online now jtkdp Post #4  November 7,2009, 7:40am
jtkdp's Avatar

gets right on to the friction of the day...

Veteran

Joined: Jun 2008

Colorado

Posts: 1,207

See profile

Ok, time for J to bare all.
I have experienced, and can relate to these poster(s) situations.

First a couple of things...One, is that there are 3 kinds of men, those that have had performance problems, those that will, and damned liars...Second, most of these problems are mental, brought on by stress, or bad past experiances.

My ex-wife was very selfish, controling, and manipulative, especially when it came to matters of sex. She could, and did behave "normally" from time to time, but most of the time she did not. There was a lot of rejection in my marriage, alot of crossed boundries, and lots of disrespect on her part. We did it before we were married, but she held back, claiming to be against sex before marriage...it turns out she was pretty much against sex after marriage, too. Our sex life declined, until it became "duty sex" on her part, once a month or less, then, the last year we were together, I was cut of completely.

I feel that forcing celebacy (or semi celebacy) on someone is just like forcing any other unwanted sex act...it causes damage. I was worried about how my first time with a new partner would be...would I still be able to function? Fortunately, my first after the divorce was a very passionate, sexual, and sexually knowing woman, and our first time was somewhat spontainious. I did have a couple of problems, but hid them well, and once we got going, it was 2 hours of plowin'...she had 5 O's, and thought I was incredible...that goes along way to bringing a guy's confidence back! In a couple of weeks, my mojo was working again, and I was well on the way back!

Some things that will help...First make sure everything is right, physically with you. Second, educate yourself. Read articles on the web, or this forum, and get counsoling...I did, not for sexual problems, but I did talk about my wife, and other relationships...knowing yourself helps, and a counsoler telling you you're ok does, too!

Lastly, most wives don't behave that way. I've talked to alot of women...most never rejected their husbands, and a surprizing number continued to sleep with their husbands during, and even after the divorce.

Women like my ex, and yours are sexual abusers, and the damage they leave is similar. I got better, and you can, too. Good Luck!!
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  November 7,2009, 9:01am

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

scarlet13 wrote :
Anonymous Poster asks:

Hi I have read several topics or posts about orgasms in LTAS, but I am curious if the discussion included a man who can not "get there". Well, that's me! I'm 38 years old, FYI. Absolutely heterosexual--if it matters.
I'm curious about one thing in particular: Should I tell a new partner about this "problem" BEFORE the big event? I would never want her to feel that it has or had anything to do with her-- as it it has happened (or NOT!!! sigh) with every woman I've been with. It seems the ones I tell beforehand seem to understand and it's no big deal.
On the other hand, it could make the relationship change dramatically as it has seemed to kill the moment for some. I'd like to know how women would REALLY feel about this unusual situation.
Well I hope there is a question in there somewhere! I do like to be considerate with my partner, so any comments from a woman's perspective will be great.
Thanks
I am actually concerned that there may be some physical problem causing this. Obviously I am not a guy so my knowledge of how the equipment works is somewhat limited.

As a women knowing that it is a problem wouldn't bother me but yes you would want to disclose this before hand. I think the main concern would be do you still derive pleasure from the act. Perhaps how to create more pleasure for you. Otherwise I think I would feel guilty like well this is all about me.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  November 7,2009, 9:10am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,085

See profile

Female point of view: I would like you to tell me your situation and fears before we have sex. Otherwise I might assume you're just not that into me.

I can imagine this would be a difficult conversation to start. And I would appreciate that you did it.

Some unsolicited advice: (1) While you're working on finding solutions, there are many sexual activities that don't depend on "performance". Get creative with that! (2) Get a medical checkup in case your problem is some treatable medical thing. (3) There are therapists who specialize in sexual problems. Look for one of those. As with any therapist, be careful who you choose to work with. (4) #'s2 & 3 are only if this is a longterm chronic thing. The occasional mishap is nothing. #1 is good all the time! Sex doesn't have to be just the Big O. The entire body (including brain) is erogenous.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dugl is offline Dugl Post #7  November 7,2009, 9:11am
Dugl's Avatar

is happy.

Pacesetter

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 441

See profile

I can't get past Scarlet being a.... closet guy.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  November 7,2009, 3:27pm

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

From Anonymous poster:

I am only half sure it is all in my head, or based on too much (or only) masturbation.
Based on the things I've read. I have discovered I may have a full mixture of risk factors. The 4 listed in a men's medical guide for delayed ejaculation include: 1) Emotional issues, like fear or guilt 2) Alcohol consumption 3) Health problems 4) Medications (like anti depressants). All of which have appeared to be a factor in different sexual encounters throughout my adult life.
Interestingly enough, they appeared in my life in this same general order. After dating a virgin for several years, it was emotional guilt at work when it finally happened between us. Years later, drinking was a factor, because the guilt and fear were gone when I was with several other, more experienced women. Later, I discovered I had diabetes (at age 29) which specifically listed in this medical book as a risk factor, and finally medications could have been a factor a various times, depending on what I was prescribed.
Oddly enough, I'm not too concerned about completion or the big O during sex. It only becomes a factor if I am trying to be a parent, which I am not at this time. Actually, I discovered a year or two ago that my orgasm after having sex is incredible! The only problem is, I have to wait quite a few hours before it can work. There is a definite threshold line that, in me, must be crossed. It may feel more like a woman's experience of orgasm, from what I know. Now, getting an erection is not an issue, solo or not, keeping it has sometimes been an issue after long sex sessions. After we stop, I generally have to "sleep on it" in order to have the very big O , the next day. OH Wow! it's so much better than just a standard solo effort.
Well look, thanks for taking the time to read this and help post my question. However, the few initial posts seem to be off topic. Maybe they are confused about what I am asking. That is likely because it is NOT well written.
If you are interested or able to, would you please clarify it within the post? I know I am asking a lot, but I need women to reply in order to get a real idea of what to do. The points that might need to be made are 1) no erection issues and 2) no mean ex wife/girlfriend that some guy has written about to vent his own frustrations (I guess ????). FYI, I am on good terms with all my ex-lovers (if I ever saw them again), I think I was good to them. I'm planning to show one of them this post in LTAS today. She will be glad I'm trying to get more feedback (for MY future relationships)
Maybe I am over-thinking it and still trying to be "too nice/good" . What I mean is, maybe I shouldn't put a damper on the moment, and go with the flow. When she gives me an indication she is had enough, I should just stop and answer any questions later. Only trouble with that is they are usually confused even after I explain it. How do I avoid this confusion? That's my real question to you ladies (especially). I don't think guys are going to understand this like I do, unless it has happened to them in the same way over a long period of time.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  November 7,2009, 4:18pm

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

johnken1 wrote :
I have a question as well. I have a big problem with premature ejaculation. I also don't know when I find someone new do I tell them about this. I am going to see a urologist this week about this and another proble. I do not want a women thinking gee this is no fun. I want to be able to please a woman. Do I tell them or wait until the urologist begins treatment. Any answer or advice toi solve this problem is greatly apprciated and helpful as my ex cut Me off for 3 and a half years and I feel this my be part of the problem all though I am unsure. Has this problem occured to anyone else out there and if it has how did they deal with the problem and solve it.
one, try wearing a condom or a ring, that usually helps. there are desensitizing creams available too.and if you masturbate, practice lasting rather than just getting off.

also, adjust your love making to intense forplay so your girl won't feel jilted if you finish too fast.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #10  November 7,2009, 4:20pm

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

Dugl wrote :
I can't get past Scarlet being a.... closet guy.
if I'm a guy, then what are these C cups doing here?

*looks down
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Question of the Week #3 | let's talk about sex | I want sex is it too early. »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
eHarmony Profile Workshop Question 10: What Are Five Things You "Can't Live Without"? eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 49 January 4,2011 6:20am
eHarmony Profile Workshop Question 11: Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed... eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 26 April 22,2010 2:49pm
eHarmony Profile Workshop - Question : How Do You Typically Spend Your Leisure Time? eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 35 April 16,2010 11:03am
Question of the Week #1 scarlet13 let's talk about sex 33 November 9,2009 4:00am
Question of the Week, or how to post a thread anonymously scarlet13 let's talk about sex 6 October 19,2009 9:20am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:18pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0