lisav101 is offline lisav101 Post #1  October 4,2009, 8:21pm
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please! no Drama tonight!

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My husband of 18 years died unexpectedly on Sept.1st. I am handeling everything fine, especially my three daughters, but i am wondering if it is too soon to go out and seek some intimacy. Im not talking about a long term relationship. I don't think I will be ready to enter one of those for awhile, but a good orgasm would be nice...anyone have any advice as to what I should do? Im not sure what the dating scene is like anymore...should I hit the bars? know of any good ways to meet people?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 5,2009, 3:41am
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lisav101 wrote :
...should I hit the bars? know of any good ways to meet people?
Well, if it's just sex you want, hitting the bars may work for you.

But if you want to meet people, good people, this (these forums that is, not necessarily this topic) isn't a bad place to start. Join a couple groups here and get to 'know' a few folks. You'll probably find the Completely Stupid Conversations group interesting and I'm sure there's people from your area there. Quite a few relationships have started here and the 'regulars' around here are better than most of the matches you'll get if you sign up for a subscription.

I did the eH dating thing for a few months and it worked for me but as you spend some time reading some of the topics here, your results may vary. But these forums are full of a lot of fun people. Stick around awhile. And welcome.!
 
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lisav101 is offline lisav101 Post #3  October 5,2009, 1:35pm
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please! no Drama tonight!

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thanks for the advice - i think i will stick around...
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  October 5,2009, 2:37pm
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Sep … 2009?

That sex is what you’re thinking about suggests it’s too early.

I recognize that that is a value judgment, and having not walked in your shoes, I don’t really have any legitimacy to make a value judgment.

I think you should make a decision about you goal:

Do you want one stable partner for a casual sex relationship only? It ought to be easy to find men onboard for that. But, are those really the men you want to associate with?

Do you want a one-time “encounter,” not seeing him again? Same as above.

Are you open to a relationship when the right person enters your life? This might, but does not have to, delay the introduction of sex into your relationship.

In my opinion, if you screen for quality men, and put aside the primary sex objective, you will be doing yourself a favor in the long run.
 
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DreamGal is offline DreamGal Post #5  October 5,2009, 9:12pm
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Hey LisaV101.... (((hugs)))
If your husband of 18 years died unexpectedly only a month ago, I don't think you're in any state for a relationship of any kind so soon. I don't know what state your marriage was in when he passed, but whether it was great or you were on the verge of splitting, you really are too vulnerable right now to be seeking this out. Let yourself heal some more first.

Go ahead and seek out new people to hang out with and make new friends, but try to limit yourself to self-pleasure for a while. I don't think you will regret waiting to dive into s e x with someone at this stage, but you may very well likely regret it if you rush it.

Also, D_Lion's post was excellent... re-read that one several times.
 
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Luckyatcards is offline Luckyatcards Post #6  October 6,2009, 1:02pm
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lisav101 wrote :
. I am handeling everything fine,
Are you sure about that?

I'm going to go out on a limb and anticipate that your 3 kids are between 18 and 12. Have you talked to them about how you feel? Put yourself in their shoes. I don't want to suggest some kind of professional help but you could find some things on the internet about how grief cycles usually work.

It in fact may not be too soon. However what if the kids see your dating as a insult to your husband? That can cause rifts and all kinds of issues.
 
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LoveLaughLife is offline LoveLaughLife Post #7  October 7,2009, 4:54pm
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I'm sorry for your loss, as someone who has gone down that road of grief, I understand.

My short answer to your question would be a "yes" - it is too soon. Now re-read the excellant previous posts. All very good advice.

If an orgasm is all you need/want at this point, may I suggest investing in a B.O.B. or 2 or 3. It's much safer & no strings attached.
 
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