Karateka is offline Karateka Post #1  July 16,2009, 5:37pm
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Hi all,
I'm new to this group, but after reading a bunch of the threads, I'm hoping you guys might be able to provide some advice.

Basically, I really like the idea of oral sex - I really want to make my partner feel good and it means a lot to me to be able to do that.

However, and I know this is probably going to come off as whiney, but I can't really manage it. My problem is that I have a mild case of TMJ. I don't seem to have any symptom other than that I can't open my mouth very wide at all without instant pain. The dentist and I have a terrible relationship b/c even getting my teeth cleaned hurts so bad b/c I can't keep my mouth open very far at all for more than like 10-15 seconds without it hurting. I'm sure you can see my problem.

In the past, I've tried hard to come up with ways to give a good BJ, but I just can't seem to work it out. Sometimes I've just forced myself to do it through the pain, but I can barely handle it for a minute and I'm very tense and usually about to cry which clearly is not a turn on. But at the same time, the partners I've had (and maybe this is a reflection on my partners) don't seem to get how bad it is and always keep asking me to hold out a little longer.

I've tried to just go down a couple times and then do other things with my mouth in sort of intervals to give my jaw a break, but basically once the pain starts a few seconds break doesn't help and the pain just gets worse the moment I start again.

I feel terrible because I'd like to be able to give my partner a good BJ, but I can't do it without pain and the last thing I would want to do is cause pain to him b/c I can't open my mouth wide at all.

Has anyone ever had a problem like this or dated a girl who did, and if so what did you do? I'd really appreciate any suggestions as I definitely feel pretty defective as a partner. And even if you don't have any suggestions, guys would you consider this a deal breaker even if everything else was great? Oh and I hope this isn't too graphic a topic - feel free to send me a message if you would prefer not to post here. And thanks in advance!
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #2  July 18,2009, 8:27am
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Sounds like you need to find another dentist. Hopefully your bf is understanding. Good luck
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #3  July 18,2009, 7:12pm
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see a new dentist. You don't say if yu have been fitted with a mouth guard, this could be very helpful,
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #4  July 20,2009, 3:51am

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Google TMJ; there's lots of exercises you can do, O.T.C. meds you can take. Maybe it's also a bit of a psycho thing. You might have had a bad experience by a past lover. Insist your partners' genitals be not only clean, but smell nice. If you're really sexy, offer to pre-bathe him with a warm, wet cloth. Then you're sure he's clean, and it's more of a turn on for you.
Last edited by Robecology; July 20,2009 at 3:51am. Reason: grammar
 
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NinaSky is offline NinaSky Post #5  July 24,2009, 2:01am

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That's unfortunate. Sorry to hear about your painful journey.
But if I may...and I have no idea what happens to you...I'd
like to offer some things I think could help. Keep in mind,
I never even heard of TMJ. Based on your descrip;tion,
I think you should consider more creative ways to have
pleasure in that department.

Your partner should be able to engage in some creative things
as well. If not, maybe they're not the partner for you. There
are some sites that have toys you can actually use that can
assist in bringing a man to the ultimate in oral pleasure. These
devices are not super expensive and are very interesting and
fun. You'll be aroused and more relaxed as well.

I love oral sex so much, I've been acused of loving it too
much and that I do it more for me than for them...what dif
does that make. As long as we each get out of it the
pleasure we need and can return it in a way that we are com-
fortable with or capable of, that's all that matters.

I think you should stop stressing out about making "him"
happy. You deserve to be happy too. Pain...there should
be no pain in love making...sex or whatever you wanna
call it.

In more ways than one, this is a joint effort. Hope it all
works out for you. Take care and best wishes.
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #6  July 24,2009, 8:02am
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JoJoBean wrote :
see a new dentist. You don't say if yu have been fitted with a mouth guard, this could be very helpful,
x2 probably grind your teeth at night (not good for them either)

as far as male stimulation, once again (see "virgin" thread) deferring to Wikipedia (search male and female organs by name)... "we" are not that different... head of penis is counterpart of clitoris, which is primary concentration of nerve endings and therefore should be primary focus of attention.

Forcing fresh oxygenated blood to this point then stimulating (tongue or whatever) should be a "method" which is used, practicing variations of stimulating other parts of the body (IE lightly dragging fingers up chest or elsewhere). Essentially you are mimicking penetration.

IMHO the "wonder" of oral stimulation is a combination of the physical and psychological factors... psychologically, receiving is primarily a selfish (not meaning bad) act, where receiver can just totally relax and enjoy. Because of physical proximity of nerve centers, on females it seems to be by far the best method of stimulation (but, as with everything, not just by itself, and everyone is different).

Believe it or not, best advice would be to just think of what you would like done to you.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #7  July 30,2009, 6:58pm

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I have awful TMJ also, and am almost virtually crippled the next day after a particularly extended session. To pardon the pun, I just suck it up and try to find a comfortable position. For example, lying face down with my head on the edge of the bed and his standing at the side of the bed is the WORST position for me. His lying on his back is probably the best, or his lying on his side. Anything that doesn't require overextension of my jaw can been ok. And being open wtih your partner is good, too. You can do it for a while, then do something else, then finish that way or finish another way. Incorporate it into the whole session rather than making it the whole event. Unless he's on the verge right when you start. Then it's quick and easy if you do it right. :-)
 
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lada2 is offline lada2 Post #8  August 8,2009, 11:44am
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try lidocaine cream over the TMJ joint a few minutes before getting started. Do not let the cream get on your partner.
consider seeing an Ear,Nose and Throat doctor. especially if the lidocaine is of benefit. Injections of steroids into the joint can be very beneficial, and last for months.
 
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lada2 is offline lada2 Post #9  August 8,2009, 11:46am
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you could also try licking or sucking the tip, while stroking the shaft with your fingers closed into a circle around it, approximating the same sensation.
or so I have been told, somewhere.
 
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lada2 is offline lada2 Post #10  August 12,2009, 3:05am
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must have been something I said.
didn't mean to stifle the conversation
 
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