WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #51  January 30,2009, 4:31am
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justkateagain,460112 wrote :

I haven't yet heard of a bride/groom return service yet...







It called the Divorce Court....
 
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dito is offline dito Post #52  January 30,2009, 5:42am
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justkateagain,460737 wrote :

dito,460362 wrote :


RobInPlano,460338 wrote :


I hear ya Dito.... I'm probably over-reacting a bit, just because the girl making the decision to wait isn't here to speak for herself... and I'm a little irritable :/


I'm sorry if I took your post to mean something that it didn't. I should probably stop posting until I've had a nice massage lol.


I can give you a hug


Oh dear.... excuse me.... slams the door.
You can have a hug too
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #53  January 30,2009, 7:53am
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How much would it suck to be planning to marry someone, try it out once, and then get dumped because you're not good enough in bed?
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #54  January 30,2009, 9:49am
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RobInPlano,461176 wrote :

How much would it suck to be planning to marry someone, try it out once, and then get dumped because you're not good enough in bed?
How much would it suck to get divorced for that reason?? Happens more than people think. If that sexual connection isn't there; then one (or both) partners are un-satisfied which leads to unhappiness in other areas of the relationship. Not a good idea to attempt to build a life with someone when one feels neglected in the bedroom and the other one feels pressured in the bedroom. There has to be passion and desire for any long term relationship (ie marriage) to be successful. Also the drives have to closely match. Just my opinion though.
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #55  January 30,2009, 9:50am
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dito,461061 wrote :

justkateagain,460737 wrote :


dito,460362 wrote :


RobInPlano,460338 wrote :


I hear ya Dito.... I'm probably over-reacting a bit, just because the girl making the decision to wait isn't here to speak for herself... and I'm a little irritable :/


I'm sorry if I took your post to mean something that it didn't. I should probably stop posting until I've had a nice massage lol.


I can give you a hug


Oh dear.... excuse me.... slams the door.


You can have a hug too
Now I feel all left out. =(





LOL
 
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dito is offline dito Post #56  January 30,2009, 10:36am
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curious_girl,461302 wrote :

dito,461061 wrote :


justkateagain,460737 wrote :


dito,460362 wrote :


RobInPlano,460338 wrote :


I hear ya Dito.... I'm probably over-reacting a bit, just because the girl making the decision to wait isn't here to speak for herself... and I'm a little irritable :/


I'm sorry if I took your post to mean something that it didn't. I should probably stop posting until I've had a nice massage lol.


I can give you a hug


Oh dear.... excuse me.... slams the door.


You can have a hug too


Now I feel all left out. =(





LOL
There are plenty to go around!
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #57  January 30,2009, 11:02am
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RobInPlano,461176 wrote :


How much would it suck to be planning to marry someone, try it out once, and then get dumped because you're not good enough in bed?


My take on this is that someone, who tries sex with their partner prior to marriage and then uses a less than fantastic experience as a reason or the reason to cancel a wedding or otherwise end the relationship, was not really in love with the person in the first place. I thought a relationship was about seeking to understand the other person and about learning together via kind and sincere communication how to make magic between each other. A long and loving relationship takes time and effort of both parties and it also takes kind and sincere communication about every subject - even sex.


That is my 10-cent opinion.
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #58  January 30,2009, 12:12pm
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tink333,461421 wrote :

RobInPlano,461176 wrote :


How much would it suck to be planning to marry someone, try it out once, and then get dumped because you're not good enough in bed?


My take on this is that someone, who tries sex with their partner prior to marriage and then uses a less than fantastic experience as a reason or the reason to cancel a wedding or otherwise end the relationship, was not really in love with the person in the first place. I thought a relationship was about seeking to understand the other person and about learning together via kind and sincere communication how to make magic between each other. A long and loving relationship takes time and effort of both parties and it also takes kind and sincere communication about every subject - even sex.


That is my 10-cent opinion.
Iagree...


When evaluating a long-term relationship, it is far more important to know how open the other person is to exploring and improving in generalthan it is to base your opinion on a few isolated experiences.


A good sex life is something you work at. A good sex life is *not* some magic chemistry that you discover while dating that somehow magically lasts for 50 years.
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #59  January 30,2009, 12:17pm
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curious_girl,461301 wrote :

RobInPlano,461176 wrote :


How much would it suck to be planning to marry someone, try it out once, and then get dumped because you're not good enough in bed?


How much would it suck to get divorced for that reason?? Happens more than people think. If that sexual connection isn't there; then one (or both) partners are un-satisfied which leads to unhappiness in other areas of the relationship. Not a good idea to attempt to build a life with someone when one feels neglected in the bedroom and the other one feels pressured in the bedroom. There has to be passion and desire for any long term relationship (ie marriage) to be successful. Also the drives have to closely match. Just my opinion though.
Yeah, I agree... sexual incompatability is a bad way for a relationship to end, regardless of the phase.


The thing that I don't think people realize is that all of the factors you mention fluctuate over time. People change. Their sex drives change. Their interests change.


What is most important is not whether people are compatible on their wedding day, but whether they are flexible enough to cope with changes in themselves, in the relationship, and in the other person, and work to make things good no matter how different they may one day find themselves.
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #60  January 30,2009, 1:20pm
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RobInPlano,461519 wrote :


curious_girl,461301 wrote :


RobInPlano,461176 wrote :


How much would it suck to be planning to marry someone, try it out once, and then get dumped because you're not good enough in bed?


How much would it suck to get divorced for that reason?? Happens more than people think. If that sexual connection isn't there; then one (or both) partners are un-satisfied which leads to unhappiness in other areas of the relationship. Not a good idea to attempt to build a life with someone when one feels neglected in the bedroom and the other one feels pressured in the bedroom. There has to be passion and desire for any long term relationship (ie marriage) to be successful. Also the drives have to closely match. Just my opinion though.


Yeah, I agree... sexual incompatability is a bad way for a relationship to end, regardless of the phase.


The thing that I don't think people realize is that all of the factors you mention fluctuate over time. People change. Their sex drives change. Their interests change.


What is most important is not whether people are compatible on their wedding day, but whether they are flexible enough to cope with changes in themselves, in the relationship, and in the other person, and work to make things good no matter how different they may one day find themselves.


In theory, that's great. It'd be awesome if it were something we could work at and change. In realtiy, when one partner wants sex five times a week, and one only wants sex a few times a month; that's going to cause stress on the relationship. Your sex drive is not something that is easily changed and causes guilt on the part of the partner who does not desire sex that often and resentment from the partner that does want more sex. Sex is usually not great the first time a couple does it; it takes time to learn a partner's body and how and when they like to be touched. I agree that each partner should be open and honest about their needs and wants in the bedroom; and each partner should work at giving the other partner what they need and want. I would hope that there would be that level of honesty and communication before marriage would even be considered. Some things just are or aren't ~ and certain sexual compatibility components fall under that heading.


Sex has varying degrees of importance for different people. If it is not that important to you, that's great; make sure it isn't that important to your partner, and there will be no nasty surprises after the "i do".
 
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