ladijai is offline ladijai Post #1  February 7,2010, 9:49pm
ladijai's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2010

Posts: 2

See profile

So...growing up I only grew up around caucasians and as I started developing crushes I develped them on the people who were around me which happened to be the caucasians in my class. It seemed normal and not out of place but as I got older I was often questioned as to why I only date "white boys". I personally like men, I don't care what color you are. None of my friends or family really care but I think it is more an internal battle. I feel like I am betraying my race because in all honest I am more attracted to white men. I date and have dated all races but I find myself looking at a white man before I will look at a black man. Is that wrong? Usually in my area (Kansas City, MO) if you see an interracial couple its a Black Guy/White Girl. I just wish I could get over the internal battle I have for knowing that I like "white boys" over black.

p.s. I truly don't care- As long as he treats me like a lady and has manners he could be green!
 
  Reply With Quote
Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  February 10,2010, 3:28am
Alli824's Avatar

thinks common sense is a gift and intelligence something one is gifted with!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2007

Fort Lauderdale

Posts: 1,266

See profile

I got over feeling conflicted years ago. I grew up in a large urban city and went to a private high school with a total of 18 blacks. College was a similar experience. For most of my adult life I dated white men because that's the pool I knew. I am attracted to white men and them to me. I was married for many years to a white man and I am very comfortable dating interracially . I no longer feel guilt. We like what we like. My family is accepting and so are my friends. No one questions a woman or man who find blonds or red heads attractive, so why is this different. It is what it is.
 
  Reply With Quote
Islandgirl2010 is offline Islandgirl2010 Post #3  May 30,2010, 1:13pm
Islandgirl201…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 2

See profile

Its all about personal preference. I prefer white guys but that does not mean that black guys are not hot too but that what I like. It is not a matter of betraying one's race but exercising one's right to choose.

Take heart its okay....in my books and many others too
 
  Reply With Quote
myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #4  June 13,2010, 9:24pm
myusernameher…'s Avatar

is awesome

Veteran

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 1,408

See profile

Not wrong at all.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mashavu is offline Mashavu Post #5  June 16,2010, 3:36pm
Mashavu's Avatar

still REALLY wants to be an Ice Road Trucker!

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2010

Columbus, Ohio

Posts: 53

See profile

It is largely a cultural bias that says that one MUST be attracted to another of their own race, or something is wrong. There must be some type of self-hate involved. I don't need to tell you that this has always been a touchy subject for us in the black community.

This is a subject on which my parents and I have agreed to disagree. It has nothing to do with whether or not they like white people or people of other races; it is just not something that they can relate to. I keep reminding myself that my parents grew up in a different time coming of age in the '60's. My mother was raised in a segregated Louisiana. THIS is something I cannot begin to comprehend. She has oft said to me, "I just don't see what you can have in common with soemone who is not black. How can they understand you?" To which I typically respond, "Trust me, mom, there are plenty of black men who don't understand me!"

Many assume that the compatibility among black people is based largely on a shared culture and shared experiences. While this may be true to some extent, the idea seems to be based on the erroneous idea that, within the black community, there is but one culture. This is simply not the case. I was largely raised on a university campus, where as many of my cousins were raised in a more urban environment. Are we family? Yes. Do we share the same culture? Not necessarily. Consequently, our likes, dislikes, and world views are often wildly divergent.

There are (understandably) so many strong feelings tied in with race in our country that the issue of interracial dating has been elevated to one of moral rightness or wrongness; hence terms like "raice traitor".

Rest assured in the fact that your attraction to white men is NOT a moral issue. It is what it is.

To me, my race is but a very small part of who I am. I am NOT a black woman first...and everything else second. I choose not to "lead with my blackness" projected before me like some formidable wall....I choose to lead with my heart, and my kindness, my integrity, and my openness to love with anyone with whom I am most compatible.
Last edited by Mashavu; June 16,2010 at 7:01pm. Reason: Punctuation and clarification
 
  Reply With Quote
NyeAngel is offline NyeAngel Post #6  June 27,2010, 5:27am
NyeAngel's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Fort Lauderdale

Posts: 1

See profile

I have always known what I liked since I realized that boys could actually be cute 0_o. I like european men, I am attracted to their physical features. Some will tell you that it shouldn't be about the color of a person's skin but guess what, its more than just the skin tone, its the eyes, the hair texture, the facial features, its the entire physical look of the man. You are the one who has to be with the person you are with, not others, you shouldn't let others dictate who you should and shouldn't be attracted to. I always say this, when it comes to friendship, a person should never discriminate against someone because of how they look, however when it comes to a romantic relationship, its a whole different ball game, you can be as discriminatory as you please, its your life and your partner, no one elses, end of discussion.

P.S. Never date a person of a different background because you think they are better than your own or any of those silly reasons, "I hear white men take care of you", "I hear black men do it better", "I hear asian men treat you like a queen", I hear this, I hear that. Its all nonsense, the grass will always seem greener on the other side. At the end of the day, each individual is unique and special, and you can meet a thousand men who treat you badly but that doesn't make all men pigs Well I've said enough I think, best wishes :P~
 
  Reply With Quote
NYCguy is offline NYCguy Post #7  June 27,2010, 9:16am
NYCguy's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 146

See profile

ladijai wrote :
So...growing up I only grew up around caucasians and as I started developing crushes I develped them on the people who were around me which happened to be the caucasians in my class. It seemed normal and not out of place but as I got older I was often questioned as to why I only date "white boys". I personally like men, I don't care what color you are. None of my friends or family really care but I think it is more an internal battle. I feel like I am betraying my race because in all honest I am more attracted to white men. I date and have dated all races but I find myself looking at a white man before I will look at a black man. Is that wrong? Usually in my area (Kansas City, MO) if you see an interracial couple its a Black Guy/White Girl. I just wish I could get over the internal battle I have for knowing that I like "white boys" over black.

p.s. I truly don't care- As long as he treats me like a lady and has manners he could be green!

Hilarious! Date who you want to date. At this point, many black man increasingly loose interest in black women as they mature and prosper, especially those of us who attain an advanced degree and career. Doesn't make sense for black men to limit ourselves to black women when we can have a fit, successful non-black woman with far less attitude and self-righteousness.

Just one thing though, spare us the "I grew up around white guys and that's what I know" BS. Get real! Over the last two decades, there were plenty of examples of racism. And don't tell me the Klan and white supremicists aren't in Kansas City. If you didn't experience racism and prejudice growing up in a white community, it is because you were deaf, dumb and blind to it.
 
  Reply With Quote
JasonX43 is offline JasonX43 Post #8  June 27,2010, 2:13pm
JasonX43's Avatar

is at home.

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,122

See profile

NYCguy wrote :
Hilarious! Date who you want to date. At this point, many black man increasingly loose interest in black women as they mature and prosper, especially those of us who attain an advanced degree and career. Doesn't make sense for black men to limit ourselves to black women when we can have a fit, successful non-black woman with far less attitude and self-righteousness.

Just one thing though, spare us the "I grew up around white guys and that's what I know" BS. Get real! Over the last two decades, there were plenty of examples of racism. And don't tell me the Klan and white supremicists aren't in Kansas City. If you didn't experience racism and prejudice growing up in a white community, it is because you were deaf, dumb and blind to it.
You sound quite a bit bitter about something, dude!

Anyway, I've always had it thrown in my face that I don't date black women, which is a flat out lie because I find all races of women attractive and was raised by parents that told me to go out and find a woman that will make me happy and will love, honor, and respect me and The Lord we serve(Christianity is must!)
 
  Reply With Quote
Mashavu is offline Mashavu Post #9  June 27,2010, 3:04pm
Mashavu's Avatar

still REALLY wants to be an Ice Road Trucker!

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2010

Columbus, Ohio

Posts: 53

See profile

JasonX43 wrote :
You sound quite a bit bitter about something, dude!
Sadly, I expect that his issues are frighteningly evident to most everyone except for himself.

Oh well, live and let live.
 
  Reply With Quote
NYCguy is offline NYCguy Post #10  June 28,2010, 7:25am
NYCguy's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 146

See profile

JasonX43 wrote :
You sound quite a bit bitter about something, dude!

Anyway, I've always had it thrown in my face that I don't date black women, which is a flat out lie because I find all races of women attractive and was raised by parents that told me to go out and find a woman that will make me happy and will love, honor, and respect me and The Lord we serve(Christianity is must!)

"Dude"? LMAO. Okay, DUDE.

As a point of fact, I am not bitter, angry, or anything else. This is a public forum where one voices opinions. Living in NYC, a lot of black women date the few white guys that aren't dating Asian or white women; successful black men date white women, and to a lesser extent, Asian women. There are underlying reasons dealing with "pasture greener on the other side" dispositions.

My prior response had more to do with the shortsightedness of having a preference for white guys because she grew up around white guys. I've know "privileged" black women who grew up predominantly around white people, and for the most part, they prefer the company of black people more-so than black people who grew up around black people. They've made the effort to learn about, and embrace, their own culture in spite of, and as a result of, growing up around white people. Quite frankly, a black person has to be blind, deaf, and dumb to historical, social and economic realities of black people in this country, to prefer white people over black people, simply because he/she was raised around white people.

If you find such a disposition indicative of "bitterness", then that is a sign of your own shortsightedness.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Are people deciding to ONLY date outside their race? | Interracial Attraction | Why can't i find a guy who seriously dates interracially »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Absolutely No Idea How to Tell if a Girl Likes Me marcus1982 Dating 14 March 31,2010 6:49pm
Put 'em on Santa's list j0hn8andy Chit Chat 65 December 25,2009 7:38am
Stieg Larsson ("The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo", "The Girl Who Played With Fire") bclfgrd2 Books 8 October 15,2009 6:28pm
When is it professionally ok and not ok to date a girl? Leafsg Dating 25 August 8,2009 4:43pm
Collegge Girl Troubles purpleraider Ask a Dating Expert 21 May 22,2009 4:30pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Excellent, thank you. I think I will leave out the first part, I think it is unnecessary information to give him. I'm not interested in putting myself out there like that and it might be a little ... ” –  generallyyou

Join the “Ending a friendship” discussion

“Alfred Hitchcock - 18 Steven Spielberg - 62 *notice what?” –  dmi

Join the “War of the Directors” discussion

“ I would be "certain people" :P The issue isn't a deal-breaker, but a very strong factor preference-wise, for me.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“Love Texas Hold'em!.. I'm thinking of trying another tournament this summer...not sure yet though.. Never entered a tournament before, outside of online ones. Personally I prefer to play with ... ” –  Freezepop

Join the “Favorite Card Game” discussion

“Make that 3! I also had a crush on Donny Osmond. I think I still have a record or two of his. Suzie ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“Oh, my revised profile can be seen in the forum in the section where you can ask for a profile review. Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“Just remember, everything that you are feeling and/or are capable of he is as well. If he wanted to reach you, he could. Right now he knows that you are hurting, and that this is not what you ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“ Yohio. And the shortened form (Anya) is nice too.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Where is Becky?!?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:40am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0