Lob3 is offline Lob3 Post #1  July 26,2010, 10:06pm
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Hello,

First of all, I am new here and will entertain any and all comments and or questions dealing with my problem here.

I met a Cristian lady, nice, warm, affectionate, all the bells and whistles, etc. Anyway, we went through the whole communication process. We started texting back and forth, all went well, so I thought. We really got to know each other really well just through the little time we spoke. Out of the blue, she says that she doesn't think that the relationship would be good for us. I say, do what? She says, "I don't think that you have been divorced long enough, I wish you the best in your search." That was it, nothing else, nadda, zilch!

She says she had been a Christian for almost 3 years and so was I. Now, what I can't figure out is, do or should Christians treat or be treated like this? I was really heartbroken over it more than anything. I will move on obviously, but it really bothered me that a Cristian would act like this. I think that I may be overeacting.
Last edited by Lob3; July 27,2010 at 12:33am.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #2  July 27,2010, 2:38pm
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How long ago were you divorced?

I'm not sure if she was saying this as a theological issue or just a standard "I'm not going through that again" kind of thing. I know I've been burned by men who were a little too fresh from their split. I ended up doing a lot of hand-holding and listening while they sorted through their issues. Inevitably we would come to the conclusion that they still weren't completely over their ex and the relationship would end. It's a lot of time and emotion to invest in something, and then you have to just walk away.

So maybe that's what she's thinking. Has it been less than a year or so?
 
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Lob3 is offline Lob3 Post #3  July 27,2010, 5:41pm
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Thanks for the advice. Yeah, it has been less than a year, but separated for alot longer and she did know that. We talked about how I was emotionally over the divorce and all, so it wasn't like she didn't know what was going on. The thing is, she was not ever married, engaged, or anything. Her last relationship was three years ago, she made it relavent to let me know, that's how long she needed to get her thoughts together. I just think that it may have been another reason than just that.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #4  July 27,2010, 6:40pm
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Lob3 wrote :
Her last relationship was three years ago, she made it relavent to let me know, that's how long she needed to get her thoughts together. I just think that it may have been another reason than just that.
If she hasn't been through this before, she might be assuming it takes everyone as long as it took her. But we're all different.

I'd just call it a mis-match and move on. You'll find someone else. Next time, I would bring up the amount of time you have been living apart first when someone asks, then add that you finally got around to making it legal whenever that happened. Makes it sound a little better from the other person's standpoint, like the split was a long time ago and the actual divorce was just a formality.
 
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Lcanada is offline Lcanada Post #5  July 27,2010, 7:08pm
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chawks64 wrote :

I'm not sure if she was saying this as a theological issue or just a standard "I'm not going through that again" kind of thing.
I agree with chawks. Not being over an ex, and expecting the new person to extend grace in that can be a really tough thing.
I don't think it's a Christian thing.

Might have just been a mismatched excuse, or maybe some don't want to deal with a divorced person if they don't know the circumstances or aren't sure it's really over.

Just be upfront and good luck in the next match
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Lob3 is offline Lob3 Post #6  July 27,2010, 8:15pm
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Thank you for the input, well taken!
 
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Im_ok_ur_ok is offline Im_ok_ur_ok Post #7  July 28,2010, 4:34am
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In our busy worlds I believe a sense of 'time wasted' can build. It takes a lot of time and energy to date and look for our 'match'.

I just don't view it as time wasted. Remember the good, forget the bad and keep on moving....

And too, I believe everyone comes in and out of your life for a reason. You may never know what you said or did to bring an abrupt end to communication with that person (tells you one thing, but means another). You may also never know if your association, however brief, had some impact on them. Something you said or did could have had impact on them in ways you can never know. The exchange was meant to be....
 
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MItraveler is offline MItraveler Post #8  July 28,2010, 6:29pm
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Agree with im ok ur ok.

Chalk this up as a life experience.

Wish you well.
 
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Lob3 is offline Lob3 Post #9  July 29,2010, 9:28pm
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MItraveler wrote :
Agree with im ok ur ok.

Chalk this up as a life experience.

Wish you well.

Thanks, I really appreciate it.
 
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