vandendutch4 is offline vandendutch4 Post #1  June 20,2010, 12:32pm
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Okay, wondering if anybody has overcome this or has any advice. Now this really makes me nervous, I have a house, job, time with kids, she has a house, job, kids, we live in different cities. As the realtionship blossoms to the point of possible marriage, how to, steps to overcome these types of obsticles? Both have good jobs, both have good houses, kids in schools ect. Is this going to be a deal breaker? I dont want to get to the point where I say, okay if you want to marry me you have to...

I am a christian single even though this topic is not quite religious.

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abjon is offline abjon Post #2  June 20,2010, 2:12pm

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You must start talking to her or him about it. Would you be willing to leave or must the other person leave? Do you have any room at all for compromise? If not if both of you insist on the status quo you may very well have a deal breaker on your hands. But the only way to find out is to talk to your other half and see what room if any you have for negotiated settlements of this issue.

If I was you I wouldn't wait very long to have this talk.

Good luck.
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #3  June 20,2010, 2:38pm
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I saw the film Happyhappythankyoumore last night at the Maui film festival.. Not something I would recommend, but there was a scene that touched my heart. One young couple were living together, but not married....he wanted to get married she did not (divorce ran in her family and she was afraid it would happen to them). He wanted to live in LA and she wanted to stay on the east coast. Well she got pregnant and was really afraid to tell him. Finally she did...she whispered it in his ear and the camera was focused on his face. He pulled back and there was a pause........then he said I will stay here! and she said "no I will go to LA" and they laughed. It was such a wonderful expression of love...it did not matter where they lived as long as they were together. If it's right it really won't matter.....
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #4  June 20,2010, 3:49pm
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As a single dad this is something I've had to contemplate as I've approached different matches over the years. In my situation I have come to the conclusion that given the circumstances of my job, various circumstances with the children, etc. that I'm not in a position to relocate. Therefore I don't approach matches who make it clear that they aren't able to relocate, and I bring this up very early in either the email or phone communication.

I think the first thing you have to decide is under what conditions you would be willing to relocate. Then you have to look at her and her situation and see if it fits within those conditions. If it does then you can consider yourself flexible on the issue and therefore have more wiggle room. If you don't conclude her situation fits within those conditions then you need to be up front about that as soon as possible. This will let her begin to explore if re-location is an option for her.
 
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