. . . sexual intercourse before exchanging vows in marriage


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drosado is offline drosado Post #1  April 29,2010, 1:07pm
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There are many interpretations, some agree, some disagree, but everyone justify their actions (sexual activity or abstinence) using the scriptures. What is your position and why did you come to that conclusion?
Last edited by notyet; October 11,2011 at 8:49pm. Reason: posts restored and thread closed to preserve the integrity of the conversation
 
 
deistdreamer is offline deistdreamer Post #2  April 29,2010, 3:27pm
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I am not a Christian. But when I was I knew many Christians, young guys and girls who were sexually active. I think most Christians do it and if they feel bad about it tell Jesus they are sorry and then do it again. I really don't get the feeling most Christians think it is such a terrible sin, at least no more terrible than telling a lie, or swearing, or dissing your parents. It is just something most people do and hope that Jesus will forgive if need be.
 
 
drosado is offline drosado Post #3  April 29,2010, 4:54pm
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I think we all are very well aware about what others do..... however, this post is to share your very own and personal position on this matter and why did you come to that conclusion. Thank you in advance for your feedback.
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jsbach is offline jsbach Post #4  April 29,2010, 10:23pm
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I do believe that sex should be reserved for marriage alone.

1. I feel strongly that is God's plan.

2. I think even if I weren't a Christian, it would be a wise choice to wait until marriage. So many advantages to waiting. Many problems can occur when one doesn't.

Nothing on this earth is perfect. The stastics of Christians divorcing is equal to that of non-Christians.

Nonetheless, there is much commen sense in the decision to wait until marriage. This is what I intend to do.

PS I do not think I am superior to anyone. I am simply certain that this is a wise way to live.
 
 
Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #5  April 29,2010, 10:50pm
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jsbach wrote :
I do believe that sex should be reserved for marriage alone.

1. I feel strongly that is God's plan.

2. I think even if I weren't a Christian, it would be a wise choice to wait until marriage. So many advantages to waiting. Many problems can occur when one doesn't.

Nothing on this earth is perfect. The stastics of Christians divorcing is equal to that of non-Christians.

Nonetheless, there is much commen sense in the decision to wait until marriage. This is what I intend to do.

PS I do not think I am superior to anyone. I am simply certain that this is a wise way to live.
I agree. And the divorce rate for Christians who pray together every day is very low.
 
 
jsbach is offline jsbach Post #6  April 29,2010, 11:20pm
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Avalon1k wrote :
I agree. And the divorce rate for Christians who pray together every day is very low.

Thanks for adding that important information!

Excellent point, Avalon.
 
 
drosado is offline drosado Post #7  April 30,2010, 6:51am
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My best friend and his wife both married as virgins and after 20 years of marriage they are still together and they are pastors at a very blessed church. Sadly, not the same for me.
I will shed some light here as why people who became christians as non-virgins tend to either be sexually active or have a test drive before it happens: most of us, including myself, had wonderful women in our lives, loving, caring, awasome personality, affectionate, loyal, anyway... all the good qualities you look for in a partner... but a TOTAL DISASTER as a sexual partner. Then on the other hand, we also had women who were awasome lovers, with a perfect sexual compatibility but they remotely fit the relationship-wife shoe.
I have to clarify something simple that MANY have hard problems understanding... spiritual things are ONLY those things you do in the spirit and likely in eternity as well.... and definitely SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS NOT in that list. When I married my ex-wife she was virgin and that was one of the reasons, not the only one, we did not have sex until our honeymoon.
This is what I firmly believe: God has a purpose for each one of us and if He wants us to serve Him with a husband/wife then He will not want us to spend the rest of our lives with a miserable sex life.... period. He will choose the right couple... the problem is that we as humans do not usually go after the divine match and that is where the problem start...
So here is the question, should we test drive before we buy? should we have SEXUAL INTERCOURSE BEFORE EXCHANGING VOWS IN MARRIAGE? there are several answers to that..
Definitely NO if you are virgin and have been saving yourself for that moment, but pray a lot and be 100% sure of it, otherwise get ready to be miserable for the rest of your life or save some money to pay the divorce lawyer!!!!
Now, for those of us who ARE NOT THAT PURE any longer there are two point of views of faith and bible interpretation:
A) premarital sex is a sin and B) premarital sex is ok
I am not going to open the pandora box here to say what is right or wrong but definitely having experienced both sides here is the outcome for all scenarios:
A) Premarital sex is a sin: you firmly believe is fornication but also you know how miserable is to marry a partner and find out later you are not sexually compatible... no amount of prayers, couples therapy, videos, sex seminars will change that... to have sexual compatibility you have to be wired to perfectly match those spots on your partner that makes the two of you enjoy that experience to the max... and those who have been there are not willing to just give up that part in life... We want the best for us, we get better jobs, comfortable beds, strategic vacation places, good clothing, why not also a perfect sexual match to enjoy the rest of this life? But if I test drive, I will sin. How do we know that person we are waiting to marry will be a perfect sexual match if we do not try it first.... you should pray and listen with an open mind, heart and soul.... or just go for it and have sex and then ask for forgiveness, not just for the sex, but for premeditated sin... but at least you did not spend all that wedding money and saved yourself time and the aggravation of going through divorce.
B) premarital sex is ok: you believe as long as you are not promiscuous or an addict and do it with just one partner as part of a deep and loving relationship, is ok. If you ever marry the person and eventually divorce, is guaranteed it will NEVER be because of sexual incompatibility, otherwise you would have never marry on the first place. Words of advice though: keep it to yourselves, since there are many "weak" christians (base on your beliefs that sex is ok) who will find your relationship a stumbling rock and you do not want that to happen, so DO NOT move in with your sex partner if your church is against premarital sex or just switch churches or denominations if necessary if you are planning to move in togehter before marriage...
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deistdreamer is offline deistdreamer Post #8  April 30,2010, 8:08am
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jsbach wrote :
I do believe that sex should be reserved for marriage alone.

1. I feel strongly that is God's plan.

2. I think even if I weren't a Christian, it would be a wise choice to wait until marriage. So many advantages to waiting. Many problems can occur when one doesn't.

Nothing on this earth is perfect. The stastics of Christians divorcing is equal to that of non-Christians.

Nonetheless, there is much commen sense in the decision to wait until marriage. This is what I intend to do.

PS I do not think I am superior to anyone. I am simply certain that this is a wise way to live.
1. I respect your opinion on this question and note that it is the same as my mom who was and still is a Catholic. But I can't shake the notion that what we claim to be God's opinions on sex isn't really the opinion of men and that this opinion speaks to beliefs about women being property and that once used this property became less valuable. I am not seeking any arguments with you. From what I have read of your posts you seem like a kind person. I just doubt that God has anything to do with doing it or not doing it.

2. Both the sexually active and inactive man or woman have problems and both can have unsuccessful marriages, so I don't think that there is anything wise or unwise about choosing not to wait till marriage. It simply is one more part of who we are.

3. I too don't buy into the notion that there is anything morally superior about being a virgin. For all we know it may simply be that the virgin lacked opportunity or has a low sex drive or is in some ways sexually hung up or believes that God will punish him or her for doing outside of a formal relationship--so fear of punishment overrides desire.

4. I never knock those who have chosen your path. It was the path that my mom took and many of the women in her social circles and they are as happy and unhappy as most people.
 
 
notyet is offline notyet Post #9  April 30,2010, 8:52am
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Avalon1k wrote :
I agree. And the divorce rate for Christians who pray together every day is very low.
i'd heard that before but it is encouraging to hear again.
 
 
notyet is offline notyet Post #10  April 30,2010, 9:20am
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