eFlorida is offline eFlorida Post #1  November 30,2009, 7:50am
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Taking a stab at this...

I've been at eH for about 3-4 months. I've "chatted" with one, and that was recently (he's also 2 hours away by car). I've been ignored less often than I've had closed matches. The one I'm chatting with seems nice, but I don't think he's my type. I'm paying for my subscription here. I'm ok with that if it nets some results. Otherwise it's like playing the lottery.

What do I do? Do I keep sending messages and not worry if they turn me down or don't answer? On most days this stuff is just boring. If I'm at a low point, Satan tries his jabs telling me it's my weight, or I'm too aggressive, or one of my other insecurities. I've already been told to just keep trying, hang in there... Any OTHER suggestions? I'd be happy to just make some friends that would be willing to go to a movie with me! It's nice (I imagine) to be able to just call a guy friend and say, "Let's go watch X movie." Understand that I don't go to movies solo, and what fun is it taking someone (daughter or sister) that isn't particularly into the movie?! Not a date, just something fun.

I'm posting this because I don't believe I'm the only one with this question. I encourage anyone else who has questions similar to this to post them here. My goal is to get words of encouragement or even suggestions for others, as well as myself. If this is a redundant post, feel free to tell me and include how I remove it!

Am I asking too much of eH?
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #2  November 30,2009, 9:31am
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eFlorida wrote :
...I've already been told to just keep trying, hang in there... Any OTHER suggestions?...
not really. i don't want to disappoint or discourage you but encourage you to keep on keeping on and pray. that is about the only two things you can do.

it sounds like you are being proactive- and that is good from my perspective. too many on here talk about the dearth of communication. but when one asks about the effort put forth, the response is, "well, the women should not be the ones to breach communication!"

Good Grief!

what you are doing that i may not do if i was not getting the amount of communication i wanted would be to perhaps not close matches- let them close you. and send initial questions to all who interest you- even slightly.

it's been said before by better than me and better than i will now say it- but eHarmony is a numbers game. make contact with as many matches as you can. i do not think that 3-4 months in is too long or long enough to get frustrated. that is about the same length of time i've been on and i have yet to meet someone i want to bring home to the children just yet.

and maybe this too- play with your settings- especially your distance settings. that should open up possibilities,
Last edited by notyet; November 30,2009 at 9:40am.
 
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FaithNGod is offline FaithNGod Post #3  December 1,2009, 4:31am
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I dont know if this will help or completly discourage you. I have been on dating sites on and off for the better part of 4 years with eharm being the primary one.

This time has been very valuable in allowing God to make me into a man prepared for relationship. We think that just because we desire something that we are ready. Just allow God to work in your heart and life and continue being your self.

I can say this because after all of that time God has gifted me with a beautiful, godly and loving woman. A woman I was not worthy of back in the beginning. God has honored me for my patience and seeking Him throughout my journey. He WILL do the same for you and anyone else who is willing to die to self and seek Gods will for their relationship needs.

We all have insecurities even the most beautiful people. You are a beautiful vessel created by God. He fashioned you according to His will and plan. He has fashioned a man that is just right for you and you for him. Be patient and wait upon the Lord.....
Last edited by FaithNGod; December 1,2009 at 4:34am.
 
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eFlorida is offline eFlorida Post #4  December 1,2009, 5:23am
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notyet wrote :
what you are doing that i may not do if i was not getting the amount of communication i wanted would be to perhaps not close matches- let them close you. and send initial questions to all who interest you- even slightly....and maybe this too- play with your settings- especially your distance settings. that should open up possibilities,
lol... done and done! I don't play games, so I started with the old fashioned 'guy makes the first move' - zilch, so I started reaching out and got denied. Not many matches coming up, so I've expanded and retracted both search and race, multiple times, to see what happens. So far, not much. Even the guy that I am "communicating" with, albeit with agreed upon ground rules, isn't responding. Shucky darn - life gets in the way again... or so I choose to believe!
 
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eFlorida is offline eFlorida Post #5  December 1,2009, 5:48am
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FaithNGod wrote :
This time has been very valuable in allowing God to make me into a man prepared for relationship. We think that just because we desire something that we are ready. Just allow God to work in your heart and life and continue being your self.....seek Gods will for their relationship needs. ... Be patient and wait upon the Lord.....
Wow - I just wrote and entire discourse and my window crashed. Perhaps I was too verbose... Nevertheless, I agree with you. I was on other dating sites until I realized that they were more like online bars than anything else. I don't want that. God is showing me things to avoid, things to look for and look forward to.

I am constantly reminding myself of who I am in Christ. I am His beloved (I deserve better than dregs of society). I am complete in Christ. I am significant. I am accepted. I am secure. These are statements that I did not have in my vocabulary in my previous relationships/marriages.

I am beginning to see myself more as Christ sees me. This is difficult for me to do. I can be TOLD these things, but to embrace them, with what I have been told / shown / treated throughout the years is difficult. It is not natural for me and I have to practice making good choices. There might be a really attractive man in one of my 'matches' but if he drinks daily, that's not the man for me. It is not good enough to settle.

I am confident that God is making the perfect man for me. What could I possibly choose that is better than the man God makes for me?! I might be arrogant at times, but good grief! to settle for mud pie when I could have the perfect manna?

I started this thread in the hopes that others will share how they are encouraging themselves and to encourage others. This dating thing isn't easy to do. Certainly not when you've not done it much or recently (yes, my hand is up for both...). I am not trying to make a support group, but perhaps a venue where people can encourage and give affirmations. Let's face it, you've told me what I already know, but it's a wonderful thing that I can hear it from someone who has never met me. It lends credence to my friends/family and to my personal thoughts.

Thanks!
 
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Diann1950 is online now Diann1950 Post #6  December 1,2009, 2:25pm
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I would also hope that you are doing things IRL too. Before I joined eh, I joined a group of Catholic Singles who do get together just to do things like movies, cards, pot lucks and such. That was a great way to get back to being a single person after my husband's death. Then I began to reach out on dating sites my luck was like yours, but things are looking up. I met one man who simply makes me smile and so who knows.
 
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eFlorida is offline eFlorida Post #7  December 2,2009, 4:00am
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Diann1950, I'm sorry, but what is IRL?

That being said, I am in a church, I'm working on getting into a smaller bible study (life group), but they don't seem to have a social network, per se. This is the second church I've attempted to join, with the first one being too distant. Before I moved to Florida I had a church that I was involved in, but even there, no single men in my age group.

I am less comfortable in groups than I am if I go into a group setting with one "friend" - as I don't really have any at this point who are social, it just isn't working well... yet.

If I may be so bold, how long did it take before you found the gentleman that makes you smile? No, I'm not looking for a drop dead date, just something more than wide-open ended.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #8  December 2,2009, 5:59pm
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IRL= in real life...
 
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Diann1950 is online now Diann1950 Post #9  December 3,2009, 6:54am
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eFlorida wrote :
Diann1950, I'm sorry, but what is IRL?

If I may be so bold, how long did it take before you found the gentleman that makes you smile? No, I'm not looking for a drop dead date, just something more tha. 92n wide-open ended.
I joined eh in May, had one date early on, I don't know who was more bored. Then met two guys on the Match site, one was even more into himself than the first guy and the second had too much going on. So I was pretty discouraged and almost closed this guy because he didn't meet all my criteria. But I went ahead and met him for dinner in September, we are still seeing each other and having fun. At our ages 59.62, that is doing pretty well. Future, it isn't such a big thing as if I were 20 or 30. So good luck to you.
Last edited by Diann1950; December 3,2009 at 6:55am. Reason: added comment
 
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eFlorida is offline eFlorida Post #10  December 3,2009, 10:30am
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notyet wrote :
IRL= in real life...
D'oh! I even have a teenager in the house! Thanks NotYet!
 
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