A Little Thought Regarding Friends

...not picking on you, meri- just using the opportunity to ask the question here in CS.

i have asked that question out on the main boards and did not get an answer i did not expect. but i will admit that i do expect a different answer form my christian brothers and sisters...

here, people talk about being put in the "friend zone" meaning (i think) that they are friends with this or that person and just don't look at them "that way." i think that translates to, "i don't lust after them, they are like a brother- eww, i would not date that."

i did say above...

so, i am not calling you out and apologize if it came across that way (i am two for two this morning...)

it just seems to me that we should be dating friends and if people are "ewwed" by that thought, their thoughts are probably overly carnal.

have i dug a deep enough hole yet?

Ah, Meri...this has been a fun thread to read. Your sweetness and humility comes through.

I'm sure you've prayed about this. Keep it up. And as Bluebird told me, just be your wonderful you!

I do not think that is unrealistic, in fact quite the opposite, it's very realistic to expect your mate to be your best friend. After all, in God's eyes you become one flesh! If that doesn't set the level of expectation for how close we are to be to our mate then I don't know what does!

I too want to be the best friend of my mate and I think that's the main reason why I'm not rushing to go on dates, but focusing on building friendships instead. I'm trusting in the Lord to bring about his perfect timing for my mate, and waiting on him.

I am not afraid of getting "stuck in the friend zone". I think it is a near-sighted point of view to take that you cannot become romantic because you are too close of a friend. It's my belief that romance is something that can be kindled on top of any foundation so why not light it on top of the foundation of friendship and fellowship in the Lord Jesus?

I think sometimes we just aren't meant to date friends. Not all the time, but in some cases. I had an incredible friendship with a guy for years and I will believe till the day I die that we were half in love with each other the whole time. We could never take it to the next level though and believe me, I spent countless hours in prayer over the whole thing. I talked to God, to friends, to my family - and especially to my guy friend. We discussed our relationship many times, but could never see our way forward with anything other than friendship. It was pretty amazing though. We could (and did) talk about everything, we laughed, we were serious, I was one of the only people who stuck around when he went through cancer and he saw me through some really tough things too. We did pretty much everything together, but it never went beyond friendship, though we talked about it often enough. Eventually we said good-bye. I still see him around from time to time, but that phase of our lives is over. We really just weren't meant to be. I don't regret that period of my life though. I learned a lot from him and I grew as a person because I knew him.

I hope this hasn't come across like I'm pouring cold water on people's ideas and beliefs. This was just my experience and it definitely doesn't apply to everybody, nor should it. I do believe that God can bring two friends of long-standing together romantically and I think it's beautiful when that happens. It wasn't what He had planned for me, but that's okay. I wouldn't change what I have for anything! I've known a lot of people who were friends for a long time before they became a couple though and there is something very beautiful and precious about that. It's definitely worth pursuing if you can find it.

i cannot speak to your specific situation because i do not know you. so again, what follows is not aimed at you. but i do want to use it as a jumping off point...

i think that when we christians date like the world dates- with all of the intimacy that invovles (read sex), it is almost impossible to remain friends after a break-up. but if we date in purity/abstinence, a break-up will be much less likely to result in the loss of a friend.

just what i've observed.