BlaqueBarbie is offline BlaqueBarbie Post #1  May 13,2009, 3:02pm
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I feel as if there are no abstinent/virgin, male Christians out there. Help! Where can I find a dating scene for these type of (normal) men. I find a lot of modern Christian men are not interested in practicing that aspect of Christianity. Any syggestions or insight?
 
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rix is offline rix Post #2  May 14,2009, 4:29pm
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I guess they're all gone, since no one has responded to your thread!

However, the issue is not so much a question of location, as it is of chronology.

From the other end of the spectrum, someone once asked where they could go to find unbridled sexual freedom. And the classic reply was the seventies.

I believe the same is true regarding the oft pictured "Leave It to Beaver" society, where one did not undo their chastity belt until the wedding night (but then again, reality is often a big letdown from the oft pictured ideal). Therefore, you would have to go back to pre-sixties America.

And many Christians have a misguided notion that they are somehow morally superior to others. Nothing could be further from the truth! Prior to the upheaval of the sixties, society as a whole was more moral in regards to "traditional" values. However, when the "sexual revolution" came (no pun intended), the Church rather than distancing itself from the rest of society and widening the gap, maintained a parallel course. But maybe not so much in theory as in practice (although more "liberal" denominations have accomodated doctrine to fit contemporary sexual mores).

However, today as a whole, we are caught somewhere between the "free wheeling" sexuality of the sixties and seventies, and the puritanical pre-sixties. One might say we are in a quixotic sexual limbo where people are generally not as bohemian as believed. But on the other hand, people are generally not reserving sex for the marriage bed either.

And I believe the bipolar conflict is experienced on the individual level as well. After all, no one wants to be perceived as "immoral" (Therefore, some have dealt with the inner conflict by redefining sexual mores, as the rest of society). However, we are also not asexual beings. We were simply not designed that way.

I am reminded of the line in Don Henley's song, "If Dirt Were Dollars", regarding some narcissistic contestant type figure; "She said, 'I am a good girl. I've been on all my life.' But her virtue was as swollen as her pride." And just as the story of the fall in the Garden, may have been a necessary transition from childhood innocence, in which we all must eventually leave the cradle of Eden for the daunting outside world of adulthood; we also may need to stumble and fall, in order to grow, and also to keep us humble and dependent upon something transcendent and far greater than ourselves. Lest we become puffed up in our own "goodness" or "morality," and become seduced by the far more insidious nature of pride.

Also, clinging to a form of legalistic sexual puritanism, produces a dualistic and oft hypocritical conflict within ourselves. Where at the same time we pride ourselves on our "morality" and "abstinence," yet are inwardly filled with "dark" desires, and are often secretly envious of the libertine.

I'm not saying we should adopt modern sexual morays, and simply "go with the flow." However, there must be a more balanced and sensible approach in dealing with human sexuality.
Last edited by rix; May 14,2009 at 5:14pm. Reason: @nal perfectionism
 
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ActionSoftGuy is offline ActionSoftGuy Post #3  May 15,2009, 12:10am
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BlaqueBarbie wrote :
I feel as if there are no abstinent/virgin, male Christians out there. Help! Where can I find a dating scene for these type of (normal) men. I find a lot of modern Christian men are not interested in practicing that aspect of Christianity. Any syggestions or insight?
Those who are virgins, or those who are *currently* abstinent. If you rule out anyone who's made a mistake in the past, you might rule out a lot of people, but there still are definitely some who are still virgins.

But if you are looking for someone who has possibly made past mistakes, but is now attempting to be abstinent, then I would think you could find them at any solid, bible-preaching church.

I believe that obedience is very closely related to genuine faith. If you read John 15 for instance, Christ says "If you love me, you will obey my commands." No, Christians are not perfect, and do sin, but a genuine Christian will be sorry that he sinned against his Savior, and endeavor to keep it from happening again.

There are many who claim the name of Christ, but do not know Him. (Matt 7:21-23). Christ says you will know them by their fruit -- by their actions. I say if someone claims to be Christian, but is wanting to have sex with you, they are shouting out loud and clear that they do not know or love Christ. Stay away and find a solid bible-teaching church that would offend such people, and go there.
Last edited by ActionSoftGuy; May 15,2009 at 12:11am. Reason: Wanted email notification.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #4  May 15,2009, 7:55am

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As a Christian, is having pre-marital sex really a mistake? For the vast majority of people, Christian or otherwise, having sex is a choice and most often a well-reasoned one. A lot of things are weighed in making that decision. To say it's a mistake minimizes the magnitude of a decision like that.

There is a difference between a choice/decision and a mistake. A mistake is something that you do not intend to do, like inadvertently putting your car in reverse instead of drive and backing into the telephone pole behind you. A mistake is breaking your glasses because you were distracted and walked into a door. A decision requires thought and is based on a series of choices. Even two people who have drunken sex have made choices that got them to that place. They chose to drink, they chose not to stop drinking before they got drunk, therefore they chose to impair their judgement, and so on. They are culpable for their actions, even if they may not have originally intended to end up in bed. It was not a mistake that they ended up there, since most people are aware what can happen if they get drunk. I'm not saying everybody will have sex if they get drunk, but it has been known to happen.

All of that to say this, to claim that sex was a mistake is to absolve oneself of responsibility for a choice, for a decision. Saying it was a mistake minimizes what it actually was and is a way of salving one's conscience. True repentance means taking responsibility for poor choices that have led to sin. We don't sin by mistake. We have been given free will, but we have also been given the ability to think and discern so that we can do what is right. Yes, every Christian fails, every Christian sins, but we need to admit when we have chosen disobey God's word. If we simply say, "It was a mistake," it allows us to rationalize what happened, making another "mistake" in the future probable and not particularly worrisome.

I do want to add that I have no desire to sit in judgement on people who have chosen to have sex outside the marriage bed. Nor do I want to minimize the reality of forced sex, which is in no way the fault of the victim. What I am trying to say, perhaps poorly, is that if a Christian truly regrets having pre-marital sex (and not everyone does and I don't care to judge that issue), then true repentance requires admitting to making the decision to have sex, rather than making it something less than it is by saying it was a mistake and something unintended.

Also, once true repentance has taken place, a person should not be chained by past actions and choices. It is time to move forward and I would submit that a potential partner should be willing to encourage and support the new growth in Christ that follows upon repentance. There shouldn't be judgement and recriminations. If love truly is what Paul wrote about in 1 Corinthians 13, then no record of wrong will be kept.
Last edited by lindseyk; May 15,2009 at 8:08am. Reason: Had another thought.
 
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icthus24 is offline icthus24 Post #5  May 17,2009, 4:52pm
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Ahhh... The sex conversation! It's always fun trying to explain your sexual past, much less if it doesn't quite jive with the way you present yourself now or your lifestyle.

I'm one of those Christian guys who didn't quite make it to my wedding night (ahem... still not there). However, I don't take my sexual history as any more important or less important than the other things I've messed up on.

At this point, I'm waiting for the right woman. I screwed up when I was younger, but it really doesn't matter and shouldn't matter to the woman I eventually end up with. Assessing someone's value based solely on their sexual history is pretty judgmental and that's clearly something that Christians are told NOT to do in the Bible. That's what I'm expecting from my future wife.

In my mind, I've disrespected her with my actions. But that has no bearing on whether or not she can forgive me. :-)
 
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ActionSoftGuy is offline ActionSoftGuy Post #6  May 17,2009, 7:57pm
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Good point, lindseyk. Indeed, it is always a choice, except in the case of rape. I should have worded it "anyone who has regrets" or "made decisions they regret" because indeed regret is or should be involved, if repentance has taken place, but yes, it's most certainly a choice, not "Oops! How on earth did THAT happen?!!"
 
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