What drives me mad about men on Christian dating sites


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lothlorienwoods is offline lothlorienwoods Post #1  February 20,2009, 10:19pm
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You know what drives me the craziest about men on Chhristian dating sites???? They put on their profiles that they are marriage minded and looking to settle down then they message the girl first and the girl who is also marriage minded and wanting to setle down gets excited and starts talking with the guy who messages her first then the guy gets weird later on and says you talk about marriage too much and they disappear. Well no freaking duh!!!!! If I wanted to be a casual dater i would state that in my profile I would not state that I am marriage minded and looking to settle down if all I wanted to do was go out on a few dates just to have something fun to do on a weekend other than stay home alone. And as Christians we should not date for the sake of going out and having fun unlesss you think the person you are going on a date with is possible marriage material if you know from the start that they are not marriage material for you then you shouldn't go out on any dates with them. So heck yea I will talk a little about my marriage goals with a guy who messages me first and acts interested and they should know form the start if they really read my profile that I am seriously looking for a husband not a casual date. SO why do you guys freak out if a girl talks a little bit about her marriage goals if you are not really looking for a wife then why create a profile stating that you are and message a girl first only to run away later cause she is interested in a serious relationship?????? Anyone else had this problem or is it just me and I attract all the loosers? How about guys any girls act like that with you??? I am sure it goes both ways but I see it happening way more to the girls.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #2  February 20,2009, 11:32pm
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if you are up front about your relationship goals- the men should respect that and expect that that will be what you want. i don't know what else to tell you!
 
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tinydanzer is offline tinydanzer Post #3  February 21,2009, 4:31am
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I really feel you here. I want to get married more than anything else in this world and being patient is so hard at times. Once you find a guy you think is interested in you, all kinds of things run through your mind. But for the guy, they aren't always thinking into the future like we are. Sure it says marriage minded on there, but that might be "eventually marriage minded". Most of the time men are just thinking about what they're gonna do tomorrow. On a rare occasion you can find a guy who does have future goals and plans and enjoys talking about them. Unless you find that guy, just let 'em go. They are unsure and it's for the best. I mean, you could wait around and see what happens, but often times that leads to getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons. You want to have at least a general idea of where this guy is heading. Good luck girl!
 
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coeuri is offline coeuri Post #4  February 21,2009, 6:05am
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I struggle with anything that throws all the men or women or whoever anywhere into a box. I can't help but wonder if sometimes we can scare others off by focuing more on the relationship then the person. I know that has happened to me in the past where I didn't even feel a person had taken the time to know me or given me enough time to know them before I was being talked to about hooking up in a relationship with a future. I have made mistakes in the past by rushing. I can't help but wonder if sometimes people react to the feeling of being a "potential partner" instead of a person worth getting to know.
 
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ncl is offline ncl Post #5  February 21,2009, 6:06am
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lothlorienwoods, wrote :

You know what drives me the craziest about men on Chhristian dating sites???? They put on their profiles that they are marriage minded and looking to settle down then they message the girl first and the girl who is also marriage minded and wanting to setle down gets excited and starts talking with the guy who messages her first then the guy gets weird later on and says you talk about marriage too much and they disappear. Well no freaking duh!!!!! If I wanted to be a casual dater i would state that in my profile I would not state that I am marriage minded and looking to settle down if all I wanted to do was go out on a few dates just to have something fun to do on a weekend other than stay home alone. And as Christians we should not date for the sake of going out and having fun unlesss you think the person you are going on a date with is possible marriage material if you know from the start that they are not marriage material for you then you shouldn't go out on any dates with them. So heck yea I will talk a little about my marriage goals with a guy who messages me first and acts interested and they should know form the start if they really read my profile that I am seriously looking for a husband not a casual date. SO why do you guys freak out if a girl talks a little bit about her marriage goals if you are not really looking for a wife then why create a profile stating that you are and message a girl first only to run away later cause she is interested in a serious relationship?????? Anyone else had this problem or is it just me and I attract all the loosers? How about guys any girls act like that with you??? I am sure it goes both ways but I see it happening way more to the girls.
I am in agreement with you in general. I don't think there is anything wrong with bringing up such subjects although you might want to spend a little bit more time together having fun, going out on dates before jumping into marriage topics. Maybe after we've been going out for a little bit and I decide that I'm going exclusive and that I'm going to be real serious about her will I bring up such topics. Not on a first date though.
 
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coeuri is offline coeuri Post #6  February 21,2009, 6:09am
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lothlorienwoods, wrote :

And as Christians we should not date for the sake of going out and having fun unlesss you think the person you are going on a date with is possible marriage material if you know from the start that they are not marriage material for you then you shouldn't go out on any dates with them. So heck yea I will talk a little about my marriage goals with a guy who messages me first and acts interested and they should know form the start if they really read my profile that I am seriously looking for a husband not a casual date.
I am not sure I totally agree with this but then I may not be in the same religious stream as you so honour your conviction here. Perhaps this is something churches need to look at -- providing opportunities for interaction beyond yourth groups that allow people to get to know each other without them feeling they are breaking some code or conviction they have. It is a thought since I keep reading of Christians on here that are struggling with finding ways to interact that holds on to whatever their convictions are of dating relationships.
 
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sonnet838 is offline sonnet838 Post #7  February 21,2009, 11:11am
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And as Christians we should not date for the sake of going out and having fun unlesss you think the person you are going on a date with is possible marriage material if you know from the start that they are not marriage material for you then you shouldn't go out on any dates with them.


I'm Christian and, although I see your point, going out for the sake of having fun is exactly why I date. I love meeting new people and ifan interesting man asks me out on a date I'll take it! MyINITIAL response is not whether he's marriage-worthy but, Who is he? What are his interests? Does he love God? You may find this out in a general social setting and then you may not unless you spend some time with him.After a few datesI'll then have enough information on whether he's marriage material. I know it's especially hard in the church because when folks see a man and woman spending time together they're already picking out what they're going to wear at the wedding! Too much pressure!! But perhaps your statement was referring to theimmature, incapable and relationship-challenged? Then I whole-heartedly agree that "you shouldn't go out on any dates with them" whether you're a Christian or not. I'm with you sister, may God bless you real, real good!
 
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RobInPlano is offline RobInPlano Post #8  February 21,2009, 2:23pm
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coeuri,497920 wrote :


I struggle with anything that throws all the men or women or whoever anywhere into a box. I can't help but wonder if sometimes we can scare others off by focuing more on the relationship then the person. I know that has happened to me in the past where I didn't even feel a person had taken the time to know me or given me enough time to know them before I was being talked to about hooking up in a relationship with a future. I have made mistakes in the past by rushing. I can't help but wonder if sometimes people react to the feeling of being a "potential partner" instead of a person worth getting to know.


Amen... I couldn't have said it better.


One day when I'm ready to date again, I will be marriage minded. However, I can tell you that if the girl talks about marriage alot, I'm going to run for the hills.


Why?


I don't want to just be a warm body that she needs to fill her marriage fantasy. I want to be someone that she is genuinely interest in for me.


When I say I'm "marriage minded", that means thatmarriage is my ultimate goalif therelationship successfully progresses along its natural course. And, I don't think that discussing marriage at the beginning of a relationship is part of the natural course of a relationship. If anything, discussing marriage at the beginning of a relationship shortcuts the natural course, and plunges you into a relationship too deep too fast to be healthy... you barely even know the other person!


So yeah, I'd probably be one of the men that would frustrate you... But even so, I think I'm a great catch!
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #9  February 21,2009, 3:15pm
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coeuri,497920 wrote :


I struggle with anything that throws all the men or women or whoever anywhere into a box. I can't help but wonder if sometimes we can scare others off by focuing more on the relationship then the person. I know that has happened to me in the past where I didn't even feel a person had taken the time to know me or given me enough time to know them before I was being talked to about hooking up in a relationship with a future. I have made mistakes in the past by rushing. I can't help but wonder if sometimes people react to the feeling of being a "potential partner" instead of a person worth getting to know.


Absolutely agree. Though he may be looking to marry someone in the future, the primary goal is to fall in love with someone. A guy doesn't want to think you are so focused on marriage that you are basically interviewing for the job of husband. He wants you to (eventually) fall head over heels for him, not just figure "He'll do." Even if you aren't thinking like that, that's what he's hearing.


I'm a little perplexed, though, because I have the opposite problem. I'm not so sure I ever want to tie the knotagain. Two really bad marriages (REALLY bad) make you a bit... nervous. But the guys all want to talk about it after just a couple of weeks! I'm very up front and tell anyone I date to noteven bring it up for a year, but they do anyway. I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if they were quality guys, but they're not. They've got SERIOUS issues and definitely aren't ready to marry anyone at all, including me.
 
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Nicodemus is offline Nicodemus Post #10  February 21,2009, 3:16pm
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lothlorienwoods, wrote :

You know what drives me the craziest about men on Chhristian dating sites???? They put on their profiles that they are marriage minded and looking to settle down then they message the girl first and the girl who is also marriage minded and wanting to setle down gets excited and starts talking with the guy who messages her first then the guy gets weird later on and says you talk about marriage too much and they disappear. Well no freaking duh!!!!! If I wanted to be a casual dater i would state that in my profile I would not state that I am marriage minded and looking to settle down if all I wanted to do was go out on a few dates just to have something fun to do on a weekend other than stay home alone. And as Christians we should not date for the sake of going out and having fun unlesss you think the person you are going on a date with is possible marriage material if you know from the start that they are not marriage material for you then you shouldn't go out on any dates with them. So heck yea I will talk a little about my marriage goals with a guy who messages me first and acts interested and they should know form the start if they really read my profile that I am seriously looking for a husband not a casual date. SO why do you guys freak out if a girl talks a little bit about her marriage goals if you are not really looking for a wife then why create a profile stating that you are and message a girl first only to run away later cause she is interested in a serious relationship?????? Anyone else had this problem or is it just me and I attract all the loosers? How about guys any girls act like that with you??? I am sure it goes both ways but I see it happening way more to the girls.
Maybe; From my view point..just an opinion. If the conversation comes up too quickly, I get the impression (which might be wrong) that this woman is just looking for anyone to get "married". Just waiting to get married, not truely meet and grow a solid realtionship.


Marriage has to evolve from a "category" to something Personal . So if someone I have just met, or don't know that well, says marriage...I think of marriage as a category.


Now if I meet someone, and I'm really attaracted to them, and we become best friends, and then grow together to "walk in love"; then its not getting married....its all about that person. Its changes from marring someone to marrying lothlorienwoods.


I have never been married, My church does many small groups, the most common breaking point to many of the new guys (our small groups are not coed) is divorce, or other failed relationships; this breaking point is what leads most to Christ. Much better to not get married than to get married to the wrong one.


I just focus on building a great realtionship with God, if I can do that, I feel like I'm well on my way to becoming the right person.......and not wasting time looking for the right person.
 
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