Sinlge, never been married, and divorcee's/widow/ers


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goldenpup2000 is offline goldenpup2000 Post #1  October 18,2008, 10:59pm
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Never having been married myself, I havenoticed that, in my area anyway, there seems to be very little in the way of ministries to divorced people. There isn't that much in the way of ministries to single, never been married, people either, but what I want to know is how come, as a single, never been married, women in her 40's, it seems like men who are either been divorced or widower's, don't seem to even want to concider a woman my age, that has never been married, even as dating material.


For that matter I have seen this same thing with a lot of divorced/widowed women too. A number of my divorced girlfriends have told me they wouldn't get married agian to someone who has never been married before.
 
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single_in_va is offline single_in_va Post #2  October 19,2008, 4:42am
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goldenpup2000, wrote :


Never having been married myself, I havenoticed that, in my area anyway, there seems to be very little in the way of ministries to divorced people. There isn't that much in the way of ministries to single, never been married, people either, but what I want to know is how come, as a single, never been married, women in her 40's, it seems like men who are either been divorced or widower's, don't seem to even want to concider a woman my age, that has never been married, even as dating material.


For that matter I have seen this same thing with a lot of divorced/widowed women too. A number of my divorced girlfriends have told me they wouldn't get married agian to someone who has never been married before.


Goldenpup,


It's not just your area. Very few churches seem to have meaningful adult singles groups, if any at all. Our society in general is very "couples oriented", with those of us who are single due to divorce, becoming a widow/er or just flat-out never being married left out to dry. And many churches seem to view "adult singles" groups as an endorsement for divorce and simply don't want to get involved. Fortunately, there are some good Bible-teaching, Bible-preaching churches out there that DO offer ministries for those of us who are adult singles, it just can take prayer and time to find them.


On the subject of how people are sometimes viewed who are 40+ and never been married, the answer is narrow-minded and painful: they are often mistakenly viewed as having "issues" that prevented the formation of relationships earlier in life.


I think the best thing you can do is to stay in prayer, seek God's will, and He will guide you to the right man, the right church, and the right circumstances to find someone.
 
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J_Aeon is offline J_Aeon Post #3  October 19,2008, 9:29am
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another point is that even where I'm at they just have accepted college students into the folds of the youth group which is Really what ALL of them SHOULD DO!


The one I was in at my old church when I was actually young enough to be considered "Youth Group" lol They pretty much tossed out the College folks and mainly had us floundering as they tried to find someone to do it. The people who had the job last were led elsewhere.





It seems to me the church does REALLY REALLY well with kids, and school students, and anyone that's married with a family. Their downfall happens in the between time, that certain point in your life where finally you're growing up trying to grow with God and step out into the world to share it. Without that certain encouragement you're lost in the flow and I've seen it happen first hand too often.


College Students love the lord


Single people do as well so why do these two groups only pop up at Oh so certain churches?


AND no offence to Goldenpup but if you're mixing the 20 somethings in the 40/50 something singles...you've got a massive generational gap goin on. We're all to gather together and praise the lord but when you need to find a group to gather together with that you can easily communicate with and be accountable to without it feeling like your parents then you'll grow into that mature state and stay closer to God than you would without it.





I myself just about had that experience if it hadn't been for God leading me to another church where at least, even though they are married, there's people my age I can at the very core relate to on some level. This is what everyone needs though we're all brothers and sisters in the Lord but when all your siblings are babies or have been "Grown up" for a while you feel lost and confused.
 
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holyghostgirl is offline holyghostgirl Post #4  October 19,2008, 4:15pm
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single_in_va,299658 wrote :

goldenpup2000, wrote :


Never having been married myself, I havenoticed that, in my area anyway, there seems to be very little in the way of ministries to divorced people. There isn't that much in the way of ministries to single, never been married, people either, but what I want to know is how come, as a single, never been married, women in her 40's, it seems like men who are either been divorced or widower's, don't seem to even want to concider a woman my age, that has never been married, even as dating material.


For that matter I have seen this same thing with a lot of divorced/widowed women too. A number of my divorced girlfriends have told me they wouldn't get married agian to someone who has never been married before.


Goldenpup,


It's not just your area. Very few churches seem to have meaningful adult singles groups, if any at all. Our society in general is very "couples oriented", with those of us who are single due to divorce, becoming a widow/er or just flat-out never being married left out to dry. And many churches seem to view "adult singles" groups as an endorsement for divorce and simply don't want to get involved. Fortunately, there are some good Bible-teaching, Bible-preaching churches out there that DO offer ministries for those of us who are adult singles, it just can take prayer and time to find them.


On the subject of how people are sometimes viewed who are 40+ and never been married, the answer is narrow-minded and painful: they are often mistakenly viewed as having "issues" that prevented the formation of relationships earlier in life.


I think the best thing you can do is to stay in prayer, seek God's will, and He will guide you to the right man, the right church, and the right circumstances to find someone.
+1. I have been guilty of this prejudice myself. My sister friends try to fix me up and when they tell me a bro is 40 +has never been married or had too many relationships I have asked "Why? What's wrong with him?" I havesince repented of being so judgemental.I do however ask if he's straight. I live in NY, you kinda have to make sure around my way.


Biologically, many men want to have kids, maybe more than one. Younger women (in general)are better able to go through multiplepregnancies than gals our age.
 
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passionforGod is offline passionforGod Post #5  October 19,2008, 7:10pm
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I think it is very difficult these days to find anybody single, over thirty, who has not been divorced before, even in church circles - sad commentary. My church has some beautiful, intelligent, Godly young women from mid 20's to early 30's and they are having great difficulty finding single Christian men their age. I also attend a Singles' Fellowship at another church and the problem is the same, the majority are women and the few men are elderly.


My attempt to try to get some insight into this phonomenon in my posting "where have all the good men gone" only seemed to serve to start certain people flinging accusations and recriminations.
 
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JasonX43 is offline JasonX43 Post #6  October 19,2008, 7:26pm
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I honestly think I'm the only single person in my age range in my church. Pray for me!
 
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renewedguy is offline renewedguy Post #7  October 19,2008, 7:38pm
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Goldenpup, rest assured there are churches out there who do take it seriously in ministering to singles and divorced people. You have to look and pray as others have said here. There is a mega-church 35 miles from me that does minister to singles and divides the singles into a group for 20s-30s and another group for 40+. The same church also offers Divorce Care - a groupwhich ministers tothose going through or had been through a divorce. As to the question about single and never married dating or courting a divorced or widowed person, I kind of understand the reasons why never married people might not be compatible with divorced or widowed people. I've tried several times to date women who are divorced, but I too fail to connect with them. I don't know if it's because I lack the knowledge of knowing how to touch her heart or if the divorced women want to end the friendship early. I've never had any experience with widowed women because I've never met one (yet). I do know for a fact that many widows/widowers wish to not get married again - no matter how persistent the other person may be in winning her or his heart. The reason? Widows/widowers want to preserve themselves and want to be reunited with the one they truly loved. As far as I know, no one in my family tree had ever remarried after their spouse died. I think I know why many divorced people don't relate well with never married virgins. Some have had a painful relationship (perhaps with abuse or neglect involved) and some even have an issue in trusting people after being emotionally and physically hurt by someome of the opposite gender. Single virgins have never been through a divorce or had been through the tragic loss of a spouse (although some may have lost a family member) so they don't really know what the other person had been through. I tend to agree that a divorced person is not for a virgin, but then again, you never know what plans God has for you. I'm 40+ years old and never been married, but I want to get married. I feel led to keep all options open because God has done a wonderful job of surprising me when I least expect something from Him.
 
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goldenpup2000 is offline goldenpup2000 Post #8  October 19,2008, 9:52pm
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J_Aeon,299888 wrote :


AND no offence to Goldenpup but if you're mixing the 20 somethings in the 40/50 something singles...you've got a massive generational gap goin on. We're all to gather together and praise the lord but when you need to find a group to gather together with that you can easily communicate with and be accountable to without it feeling like your parents then you'll grow into that mature state and stay closer to God than you would without it.


I do understand, as being 40+ I don't mind doing things with the 20 somethings but then again I've always gotten along better with people who are either 10 years older or 10 years younger then me and I am just now beggining to understand why, but I wont get in to that here. Suffice it to say that it's part of the reason I have a hardtime trusting men.


I also need interaction and fellowship with christians my own age though. The trouble is there are very few single, available, christain, men my age that are interested in more then friendship.
 
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