justmeoverhere is offline justmeoverhere Post #1  January 27,2010, 8:27am
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Anyone have thoughts/experience with reconciling with ex spouse? Been apart for 3 years, divorced for 2. Can't seem to move forward. I miss our family being together despite the problems in our marriage. He refused counseling for years, then agreed to go when I asked for a divorce. Then it was too late for me, I couldn't even consider it emotionally. Maybe I could now? Maybe I should just leave well enough alone? Not even sure if he would be willing now. It would be so hard. Can't stop the feeling of being "nudged" towards it.
 
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Lookingandlooking is offline Lookingandlooking Post #2  January 27,2010, 7:11pm
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Tried it. He had moved out for six months, I patiently waited at home. He moved back in - and nothing had changed. Well, something had changed, he was mad that I actually had made plans to go out with some friends (not dating or anything like that- just watching TV with some girlfriends). We didn't talk about anything, we didn't try to work out anything. He moved out a few months later, he had a girlfriend and was going to buy a house. We were still married and we still had a mortgage payment. When I asked him why he moved back in the first place he said "because the lease was up." That did it for me.

EVERYONE wants you to reconcile. They really want what's best for you. They hate seeing you unhappy. But you have to do what is right for you.

What will change if you two get back together? Or will it be the same old thing?

I'm not saying don't do it- I'm saying to think about it. It's easy to go back to what you know. It's hard to be out there on your own and having to deal with new things. But it is also empowering and exciting.
 
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Sunshine43 is offline Sunshine43 Post #3  January 28,2010, 11:14am
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Tried it a couple of times - both times it only lasted 6 months. Too much water under the bridge and since he could not resist the temptation to cheat with other women it was all pointless. Each time we split he had a girlfriend on the side already. I don't recommend reconciling with an ex to anyone. Always remember the relationship ended for a reason. Move forward, not backward. Good luck.
 
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TrulyLisa is offline TrulyLisa Post #4  February 13,2010, 7:32am
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I miss my ex too. It's been two years, and he is still my best friend. He's engaged now, and living with her, but the other day he says he misses me. A few months ago, I would have jumped at the chance to reconcile, but I have seen him cheat on several girlfriends over the last two years, including the one he left me for; with me. I was weak and I so hurt for him so I let him back in my bed over and over again. I put a stop to that about a year ago. I see him now for who he is; a confused, low self-esteem, weak man, and I could never trust him again.
It's true, going back to what was once comfortable is very appealing, but I know from experience that striking out on your own and taking time to focus on you, will make you a stronger, happier, more appealing woman!
 
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MandoMark is offline MandoMark Post #5  August 28,2010, 11:29pm
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How about "Not a chance in Hell"? She's the one who ran off with someone else, after 3 kids and 18 yrs of marriage, so she's already demonstrated that her word means nothing, that she can't be trusted. What would I be getting back? Someone who would not hesitate to cheat on her spouse, or lie to get her way? Thank you, no - life is too short. If it weren't for the kids I wouldn't have any contact with the woman at all.

Don't get me wrong, I have many fond memories of the woman I married and our time together, but that woman is dead and gone as far as I'm concerned, and the woman who would be coming back is NOT the woman I married.

Not that I'm BITTER or anything LOL
 
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Ize_on_U is offline Ize_on_U Post #6  September 14,2010, 8:42pm
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justmeoverhere wrote :
Anyone have thoughts/experience with reconciling with ex spouse? Been apart for 3 years, divorced for 2. Can't seem to move forward. I miss our family being together despite the problems in our marriage. He refused counseling for years, then agreed to go when I asked for a divorce. Then it was too late for me, I couldn't even consider it emotionally. Maybe I could now? Maybe I should just leave well enough alone? Not even sure if he would be willing now. It would be so hard. Can't stop the feeling of being "nudged" towards it.

My ex is related to the Devil so no can do. Anyway why are you asking us? Besides there's no where enough info for anyone to give you realistic advice. Just take it natural. No need to plan long term just yet. Dip your foot into the water first.

As an old friend, mentor and former boss told me when I asked him if it was ok for my ex-girlfriend and me to fool around he told me "why not? As long as no one gets hurt it doesn't seem like an issue."
 
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AudioDad is offline AudioDad Post #7  September 21,2010, 8:25pm
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MandoMark wrote :
How about "Not a chance in Hell"? She's the one who ran off with someone else, after 3 kids and 18 yrs of marriage, so she's already demonstrated that her word means nothing, that she can't be trusted. What would I be getting back? Someone who would not hesitate to cheat on her spouse, or lie to get her way? Thank you, no - life is too short. If it weren't for the kids I wouldn't have any contact with the woman at all.

Don't get me wrong, I have many fond memories of the woman I married and our time together, but that woman is dead and gone as far as I'm concerned, and the woman who would be coming back is NOT the woman I married.

Not that I'm BITTER or anything LOL
Same boat here. They're so blinded by their own selfishness they never seem to realize that they don't just cheat on you as the spouse, they cheat on the entire family - in our case, our two daughters. Too many betrayals of trust, love and respect. That bridge was permanently burned and blown up. Not even if Lower East Hades itself froze over would I even contemplate getting back together with the ex.
 
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Pilgrim007 is offline Pilgrim007 Post #8  October 23,2010, 8:10am
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justmeoverhere wrote :
Anyone have thoughts/experience with reconciling with ex spouse? Been apart for 3 years, divorced for 2. Can't seem to move forward. I miss our family being together despite the problems in our marriage. He refused counseling for years, then agreed to go when I asked for a divorce. Then it was too late for me, I couldn't even consider it emotionally. Maybe I could now? Maybe I should just leave well enough alone? Not even sure if he would be willing now. It would be so hard. Can't stop the feeling of being "nudged" towards it.
There are very few details so I will go for the general answer.

What was wrong before?

What has changed?

Why would it work now but it could not before?

The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over but expect a different result. (IMHO) if they were a cheating, lying, user before and they have not had a Significant Emotional Event (Dr. Maslow) then you are setting yourself up for heartache. Don’t fall into the loneliness trap. You deserve someone better than that--good luck.

YFR
 
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jonbug1 is offline jonbug1 Post #9  December 31,2011, 3:44am
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Did it...All the bad habits magnified!!
 
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ssgtsean is offline ssgtsean Post #10  May 19,2012, 1:39pm
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justmeoverhere wrote :
Anyone have thoughts/experience with reconciling with ex spouse? Been apart for 3 years, divorced for 2. Can't seem to move forward. I miss our family being together despite the problems in our marriage. He refused counseling for years, then agreed to go when I asked for a divorce. Then it was too late for me, I couldn't even consider it emotionally. Maybe I could now? Maybe I should just leave well enough alone? Not even sure if he would be willing now. It would be so hard. Can't stop the feeling of being "nudged" towards it.
I have been there...... I dont think it would be beneficial, because, for whatever reason, you seperated, you need to continue forward, be best friends, be amicable, whatever, dont go back, it is a long row to hoe. Plus you will always be dealing with whatever it is that split you in the first place.... now, on the other hand, sometimes it could work out. Mine didnt for multiple reasons, and it wasnt a "he said, she said" type deal, we were really just friends, nothing more. We did have two wonderful boys in the mix, and they are doing ok.
I am just saying, if you guys can still stand eachother, be friendly at the very least.... if you guys cant cohabitate in the same domicile, then move on and dont look back, but keep it friendly, especially if you have kids.
 
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