parjg is offline parjg Post #1  July 26,2009, 4:09pm
parjg's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Long Island, NY

Posts: 4

See profile

I never thought I'd be sitting here typing, but here I am....any advice for someone who's been out of the race for at least a decade and yet another failed marriage? Honestly this last one was criminal and I have been thrust into full-time father (HAPPILY) for my 7 & 8 year olds not to mention being a healthcare provider.....the bar thing is definitely out!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #2  July 26,2009, 7:41pm
chawks64's Avatar

is keeping warm with her Honey.

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Southern Nevada

Posts: 6,735

See profile

It's a little different now. I'm 44, but my kids are out of the house already. Just try to insulate your kids from your dates, no matter how nice they may seem. Once you've dated them for a while, then you can let them meet, but before then, it's setting them up to be left again.
 
  Reply With Quote
parjg is offline parjg Post #3  July 27,2009, 8:41am
parjg's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Long Island, NY

Posts: 4

See profile

I hear ya.....haven't really been looking, kinda been a while....I don't want to be the rebounder or "ee" if you know what I mean....last thing I want to do is confuse my kids...I'm definitely the epitomy of "nice guys finish last" LOL
 
  Reply With Quote
chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #4  July 27,2009, 4:38pm
chawks64's Avatar

is keeping warm with her Honey.

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Southern Nevada

Posts: 6,735

See profile

Keep trying. Nice guys don't always finish last. Sometimes it just takes longer for women to spot them. It's usually the jerks that stand out in a crowd.
 
  Reply With Quote
pchep is offline pchep Post #5  July 28,2009, 3:07am
pchep's Avatar

trying to do this all over again

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Fort Worth, TX

Posts: 15

See profile

I am with the both of you. I was married for 16yrs, and getting out in the dating scene is a little bit harder than one can imagine. I am doing a little bit better as far as getting out there. Volunteering at functions, letting your co-workers know that you are single again. And like you, I do not go to the bars, they are all drunks out there, not for me. Try something different that you have not done before, you will be better for it.
Also, you stated that you were burned in the past, try counseling... this helped me out tremendously to say the least. Look positive at life and what you are doing instead of what was. I know you can do this. Good luck to you!!
 
  Reply With Quote
April2May is offline April2May Post #6  July 31,2009, 7:15am
April2May's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Otisville, MI

Posts: 2

See profile

Keep your kids insulated from your dates. Save them the heartache until you have found that someone special. Get involved in their lives, because they grow up fast. Volunteer at school. Get involved in singles groups and volunteer for a cause that you believe in. You will meet people that way too.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #7  August 1,2009, 9:41am
Mainah64's Avatar

is taking his mini van to the dragstrip in the spring - aiming for mid 15's

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

South western Maine

Posts: 717

See profile

Ditto on the keepng your kids insulated from the dating game. I made that mistake and my kids got hurt when things didn't work out. If I had waited a little longer before introducing them I would have figured out that the relationship definetly wasn't gonna work.

Good luck with being an involved father and dating. My experience has shown that even women with kids tend to steer clear of guys with kids under 16 as its too much of a distraction. You won't be as available to them and their needs. Now, I have met some supah people and made life friends out of dating, 2 gals that I introduced after the relationships ended.

So again, good luck, be patient and focus on your kiddos.
 
  Reply With Quote
Brenny is offline Brenny Post #8  August 11,2009, 6:56pm
Brenny's Avatar

"Honesty" is and will always be the best policy!

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 5

See profile

All great advice. I am 44 also. I have full physical custody of my daughter and her father just moved out of state. My focus is completely on my child and her upbringing and education.(I am having a blast with this mother thing, don't get me wrong lol). Dating at this point will be a miracle. Thought I'd come on here at least to make some friends and have fun. Brenny
 
  Reply With Quote
Ziterrious is offline Ziterrious Post #9  August 13,2009, 1:17pm
Ziterrious's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 18

See profile

parjg wrote :
I never thought I'd be sitting here typing, but here I am....any advice for someone who's been out of the race for at least a decade and yet another failed marriage? Honestly this last one was criminal and I have been thrust into full-time father (HAPPILY) for my 7 & 8 year olds not to mention being a healthcare provider.....the bar thing is definitely out!!!
I feel your woe for years ago I was in the same situation. My wife had to move on in life and she could not take the children with her because they did not fit her new lifestyle. And yes the emptiness of the loss both with Love and the Lifestyle of being married was gone causing a tremendous change in the household and in my personal life. But i had my children to raise and a business to run so that kept me very busy.
As for dating well I believed as chawks64 mentioned why put the children through that, so I did not date, however there was so much to do with all the functions the children had both with schools and there personal interests and the household and the business I really did not miss it nor really had the time to commit to a real relationship. So we lived on, and happily at that.
Now there married and starting there families and I have to mention what my middle son said to me once while visiting me.
He told me that he and his older brother tried to set me up several times with there friend s's mothers, and that they aways wanted me to find someone. I never knew this for i was aways busy keeping thing going. and yes I recall a lot of women asking but i just never pursued it because i thought it would do more harm than good....
and as my boys pointed out I was WRONG I should have pursued a personal relationship. lol I really do not know how I would have managed it however I should have.

oh and here's another tid bit after getting past this and raising your children and getting a routine going so things go smoothly for you all. After they are all married and moving away you have to re-adapt again to another whole way of life...What a roller coaster Life is.

I wish you the best of luck and don't do what I did put yourself on ice for the children, they understand way more than you know. But do be careful it is a fine line.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Wait for him to call or just call them? | 40 Something | Beware the Scammers! »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“He broke up...The best way to stay hung-up is to keep dwelling,wishing, hoping, reminiscing....Like staring at an empty bottle of booze when you are trying to quit drinking. Rather than focus on a ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“Oh how annoying - I had typed a HUGE post prompted by TheThinker's query as to why I would think it a good idea to wait 5-10 years to date/or until children are out of the house. I am too annoyed to ... ” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“This is very true. If someone has a truly old /outdated account since the questionnaire was altered then it's a decent solution. It's become an urban legend on eHA that this is a good idea. Mostly ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Shared interests and ones who are laddetts for mine.” –  ian80au

Join the “Green Flags in Profiles” discussion

“Completely cancel /delete your existing account. That will also cancel /delete all long-dead, geographically irrelevant matches. Since you are in a new area it's silly to use an old /outdated ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Removing old matches - there has to be a better way” discussion

“I'm very sorry for your loss, Suzanne. It's not surprising you're feeling confused and making some memory errors. That happened to me too when my mother died. Life just isn't normal for awhile. ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“I am closing this thread since the Original Poster (OP) was asking about the eHarmony of 2-1/2 years ago -- the thread is old (see date in the upper right of the first post). Some responses will no ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“Thanks for your advice guys, really helps out. I guess everything is a matter of balance, which isn't something that I can work out right now. I think I will focus on school for the remaining 3 years ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:45am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0