Does being divorced make you feel like a failure?


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Stevereno is offline Stevereno Post #1  July 13,2009, 10:50am
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In reading profiles it almost seems divorce is running rampid amongst married couples all over.
I dont know first hand because I have never been married and thats why I must find out more. I read that indeed coming out of a divorce makes one feel as if they have failed?! This is very challenging way to feel going in to the singles scene.......... a 'failure', anyone have an experience to share?
 
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Stevereno is offline Stevereno Post #2  July 13,2009, 10:51am
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hobokelly is offline hobokelly Post #3  July 13,2009, 12:39pm
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Yes, I believe that grown ups (waited to marry, until "adult", not 19 or 20 years old) do feel as if we have failed when the marriage is over. I am 6 years single now, and have dated very little. It took me several years before I had the courage to date. The rational part says, "Ok, I did everything I could and was committed to the marriage", but your heart still says "Hell, I failed at the most important relationship God gave me" And if you have kids-pile on a ton of guilt.

I always thought it was different for women;we are typically more nurturing and end up raising the kids and taking care of everyones emotional needs-the men just do the leavin. I know, sounds bitter, and I don't mean it to, just callin a spade a spade!
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #4  July 13,2009, 5:54pm
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Initially, it made me feel like a failure. Then I realized I had done everything I could, but you can't change other people. And I saw that a lot of people are divorced. so maybe I wasn't really all that odd.

But then a couple of years later, I married a guy who seemed just great. Until he got himself a girlfriend. Now what?

One divorce is fairly common and easy to explain (violence and substance abuse). But two? I had one guy tell me I could never meet his parents because, with 2 divorces, they would never approve of me.

Did I feel like a failure the 2nd time? Yes and no. Yes for marrying him, no for the divorce.
 
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jcd1968 is offline jcd1968 Post #5  July 15,2009, 7:53pm
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sometimes....but not in an overall I'm a complete failure sense. Just that I failed in that one aspect. Can't help wondering what I could have done different to keep it from failing. Of course, to be honest, when I think about the few things I could have done better, I get kind of pissed off...but that's a whole 'nother story.
 
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parjg is offline parjg Post #6  July 26,2009, 5:20pm
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For someone to which "three times a charm" applies, failure is part of the process but I do agree that you try for as much trying you can but ultimately you CANNOT change anyone but yourself. You can set a great example but if they don't take the bait, you're stuck, not just a matter when but how much wil it cost you and what happens to the kids. Each "failure" has its own story but suffice to say, it eventually makes you much stronger. My recent was easy, her arrests and behavior did all the dirty work, happily I am a single father with 2 adorable kids but I never expected to be here, she just snapped, so I guess for once, I didn't fail!
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #7  July 29,2009, 6:48pm
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A little but I got over it.
 
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Kamarri is offline Kamarri Post #8  August 1,2009, 8:58am
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I have never felt happier!
 
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Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #9  August 1,2009, 10:27am
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2nd best decision of my life. Having kids was the first.
I didn't feel like a failure regarding the marriage as I tried very hard for things to work out. I did have tremendous guilt regarding my kids and that did tke a long time to heal eventhough I knew it was in their best interest as well.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #10  August 4,2009, 9:16pm
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I am divorced and I have NEVER felt like a failure because of it. That thought never crossed my mind.

To generalize that a divorced person must feel like a failure is just as bad as generalizing that a 40-something never-married guy is a commitment phobe!
 
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