Does being divorced make you feel like a failure?


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gcoleman99 is offline gcoleman99 Post #31  December 24,2009, 2:48pm
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Mountaintrker wrote :
In the end of all ends, I didn't know who I was when I first got married, but I think I have a much better understanding of that now. More than anything I want to be me and be with someone who wants to be with me just the way I am if that's possible, not someone who really wants to be with someone else.
That describes perfectly the reason I had to leave. From my teens, I wasn't honest with myself about who I was and what I really wanted, and if that's the case, how can the other person know who you really are, either? (Granted, we had a multitude of other problems, but this was a major one.)

Now that I have a much better understanding of who I am and what I want out of life, I am more prepared to be able to see it through.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #32  December 26,2009, 5:52am
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gcoleman99 wrote :
That describes perfectly the reason I had to leave. From my teens, I wasn't honest with myself about who I was and what I really wanted, and if that's the case, how can the other person know who you really are, either? (Granted, we had a multitude of other problems, but this was a major one.)

Now that I have a much better understanding of who I am and what I want out of life, I am more prepared to be able to see it through.
It's called "growing up", and it's something my dates seem to have missed out on...
 
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beaner is offline beaner Post #33  December 27,2009, 2:03pm
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I think it's safe to say that no one enters into marriage expecting it to end in divorce. Divorce is really hard, especially if you have children with the person you are divorcing. It's also difficult if you are a woman and you have changed your name. Changing it back is a pain! But, like any difficult decision that you make in your life, it brings opportunities for growth. If you learn from the experience, you can be a better person. That's not being a failure.
 
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WriterGirl123 is offline WriterGirl123 Post #34  December 27,2009, 8:05pm
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Short answer....yes. It makes me feel like I've failed. The only redemption for the marriage was the two children that I now have. Otherwise, yes...failure.
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #35  January 3,2010, 8:55pm
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Yes, I absolutely gelt like a failure when my marriage ended. I was raised in a conservative, Christian environment where 'divorce' was essentially a bad word. My ex was an ordained minister in our church and I thought it was my job to hide the problems and make it work, no matter what the cost to me personally. I am the only person in my family to ever be divorced and, while they were very supportive, I was very aware of my 'failure.'
 
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aquastell is offline aquastell Post #36  January 3,2010, 11:57pm
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The first divorce, yeah I did feel like a failure. The second time, not so much. Would I do it again? Not so sure. Seems like marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. Words... vows... don't seem to mean much to some people.
 
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DanceMama is offline DanceMama Post #37  January 7,2010, 1:16pm
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Like others, I feel like I failed by getting married, not divorced. I know I tried my best in the marriage. I was miserable and yet stayed. I sometimes wonder if we should have split earlier, but it would have been hard on the kids. I sometimes have surges of regret for marrying, but if I had not married this man, I would not have the absolutely phenomenal children I am now blessed with. So, yes, I feel a bit like I failed in my choice, but then again not. I am also, like others, just starting to get the old me back and am pleased with that.
 
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ratedPG is offline ratedPG Post #38  February 10,2010, 4:25pm
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Nope...in fact, quite the opposite. I feel, for the first time in my adult life....free. I was married for more than 25 years, and getting a divorce was the best decision I've ever made. My X and I are on friendly terms...i.e...we can be at a function or in the same room and not bite each other's head off.
 
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