zenmerlin is offline zenmerlin Post #1  October 18,2008, 3:16pm
zenmerlin's Avatar

Has gone walkabout

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2008

Lansing, MI

Posts: 680

See profile

I am posting this here because I am interested in what people in this age group think.
I tend to be somewhat shy; I tend to be a good listener. Ok here it is we are at an online dating site I’m not sure what the rules are. Personally I would be very flattered and open to have a woman take some interest in me and start the ball rolling.
So I am wondering do women feel comfortable taking the first step?
As I was writing this I had the idea that I am shy, my match is shy how will we ever meet??????
Cupid help, please intervene.
 
  Reply With Quote
strawberry123 is offline strawberry123 Post #2  October 18,2008, 5:21pm
strawberry123's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2008

New York, USA

Posts: 29

See profile



Yes, men should make the first move because I am very shy and even if I wasn't I would feel uncomfortable making the first move (this my personal preference). As a woman it also lets me know the person is interested in me.
 
  Reply With Quote
zana is offline zana Post #3  October 18,2008, 7:32pm
zana's Avatar

-- it's hot in here --

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

Australia

Posts: 1,043

See profile



I like men to make the first move.....


But in saying that, generally, I give plenty of very clear signs that I am into a man.... so it is not too hard for him to make a move....


I have realised that men are not as subtle as women, so in order to show my interest, I need to make it clear for them to do something....


I'm too much of a chicken to make the very first move.... :P
 
  Reply With Quote
mtw is offline mtw Post #4  October 18,2008, 8:10pm
mtw's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2008

SE PA

Posts: 180

See profile



Based on how you phrased your op, I'm assuming you are talking about on eH and not real life. After spending entirely too much time here on eHA, several ideas have sunk in for me:





You are paying to do this, so try to get your money's worth. Your matches don't "know" you, if you make the first move and they aren't interested, it is not personal. Way too many people are waiting for the other person to make the first move. Remember that there are a substantial number of non-paying profiles so if you don't get any response or even a close, it is possible that they cannot respond (they have to join first) or they may not even be seeing your communication- they may have done the profile, decided not to join and never turned off matching.





I (a female) have had very few matches make the first move. I have sent first questions to some, but as a female that is still tough to do. If you want to find a special woman, try being the one to send the first communication and let her flatter you in other ways later in the relationship. The guided communication makes it pretty easy, even if you're shy.
 
  Reply With Quote
PhotoSavy is offline PhotoSavy Post #5  October 18,2008, 8:34pm
PhotoSavy's Avatar

Enjoying the day!

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2008

Redondo Beach, CA

Posts: 186

See profile



YES, men should make the first move. I love it when a guy is strong enough to send questions, ask a woman out. It's not like it's marriage. It is just geting know the other person.
 
  Reply With Quote
peg099 is offline peg099 Post #6  October 19,2008, 1:49am
peg099's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Sep 2008

Canada

Posts: 12,516

See profile



I have absolutely no problem making the first move - especially on an online dating site. However, based on the responses so far, I seem to be in the minority. So you're probably better off intitiating contact with anyone you're interested in. What's the worst that could happen? Nothing comes of it? In that case you're no worse off than if you hadn't tried. (btw, this is the exact same reasoning I use for initiating communication myself)
 
  Reply With Quote
zana is offline zana Post #7  October 19,2008, 2:00am
zana's Avatar

-- it's hot in here --

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

Australia

Posts: 1,043

See profile



My response was for real life...


On the net, I have no problem making the first move... as Peg099 says -- you have nothing to lose anyway, as you dont really know the person and they dont know you... the rejection isnt so bad as it is in real life :P
 
  Reply With Quote
zenmerlin is offline zenmerlin Post #8  October 19,2008, 11:44am
zenmerlin's Avatar

Has gone walkabout

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2008

Lansing, MI

Posts: 680

See profile

Thank you ladies for your input I suspected that this was true. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. It looks fairly unanimous, so any men that happen to be reading this start typing, start talking there are many who await and desire to hear from you.
Thank you once again this has been very helpful.
 
  Reply With Quote
missthang is offline missthang Post #9  October 19,2008, 8:50pm
missthang's Avatar

Conservative in Liberalville

Pacesetter

Joined: Aug 2008

levitation in outer space

Posts: 340

See profile



I have had some pretty bad experiences making the first move. I just don't anymore. I believe I have such a strong personality, a man who could not make the first move would probably not work out with me in the long run.


My mom wants to sign me up to eharmony. I will let her maybe in 2009. If she pays for it and I just do a profile...I doubt I will be chatting up any men unless they chat up me first.


I don't care if I am old-fashioned ... it just seems to be it is always better to let the guy chase.


I am teaching my nephews this...they KNOW they need to make the first move and pay for dates too! I just gave a nephew 60 bucks for his birthday and told him to ask out the gir he likes since he now has the money to take her out (he is 16). I told him I would be proud of him for asking her out.


He is horribly shy as everyone in my familly is..but he has a pushy aunt to get him over the hurdle.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #10  October 19,2008, 8:58pm
jayhawkgirl's Avatar

is back to square one

Pacesetter

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 405

See profile



Yes, I think the guy needs to make the first move. From my experience it sets the tone for the whole relationship. (Not saying this is right or that it should be this way; it'sjust how it seems to work.)
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Dating statics Anyone interested? | 40 Something | Ratio: Men : Women on eHarmony »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 2:37pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0