Altejd is offline Altejd Post #61  September 20,2009, 9:10pm
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Why is it a signal that a man who is "strong enough" makes a first move? How about a woman being secure enough to make the “first move”? I will not make a first move because I have been dissed enough times to not reach out to any one any more. If a woman feels I am worth connecting with, and she is secure enough, she will make the first contact.

I, also, do not know why women dis me; is it because of my picture or my profile. OR, is it because I have a cleft lip? Sad fact is women dis me because of my cleft lip!
I am a great guy and I know this to be true! SO, if a woman makes the first move, I know she is looking beyond my cleft lip and into “who I am”. I also know she is secure about “who she is”, and hence, a strong woman, as I do not want a wishy-washy woman. Anyway, this is somewhat how I feel.
 
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TracyBluebird is offline TracyBluebird Post #62  October 2,2009, 8:51pm
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I have gone back and forth...at first I just sent questions to those I was interested in, then I waited for questions to be sent to me, and then I have several matches who just sit there, probably not active anymore.

I decided I will send questions if interested, and if I don't hear back in a week, I will just close it. Like you said, if they don't answer, I am not taking it personally, but then again, I am not waiting around either.
 
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ChefKat is offline ChefKat Post #63  October 11,2009, 2:55pm
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I have wondered this myself. I have never, since I joined in February, made the first move on someone that I was interested in. Maybe I should.
 
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Creampuff1963 is offline Creampuff1963 Post #64  October 12,2009, 10:16pm
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I don't mind making the first move to show a guy I am interested in him, but after that, I want to be pursued. If a guy is interested in me I want him to come after me so to speak. Aren't guys inherently hunters? Why have they lost the art of how to hunt for their women?
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #65  October 13,2009, 9:04pm
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I think it is fine for a woman to smile and start a conversation with a guy she likes and is interested in. Maybe there will be no date, maybe a new friend will be made. What does it hurt?

After that, it's up to the guy though.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #66  October 14,2009, 7:30am
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I'm very, very shy and have had very bad experiences with men that have made me more than a little nervous when it comes to dating. But more than once I've initiated Guided Communications. Once, when I realized an extremely interesting but long-distance match was almost certainly a non-paying member, figured out who he was "out in the real world" and contacted him via e-mail. That was frightening, but worth it. And he didn't mind one little bit! I would not have dared do this in person, though. I'm an editor and writer, though, so had the tools of my profession at my full disposal. Possibly in my 20s or 30s I wouldn't have had even the nerve to make the attempt.

For some reason, most of the very few men who have initiated communications with me on eHarmony have been... well, their profiles have been worrisome or they have been 15 years older than me! So I finally figured that the only way to try to have contact with a man who looked interesting was to try to contact a man who looked interesting. Even a shy person can learn to be practical about these things.
 
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beachlover12 is offline beachlover12 Post #67  November 3,2009, 9:35am
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I used to feel that way too, that the man is the one who should really make the first contact and if he didnt then he likely wasnt interested. When not one did, and I didnt intend to renew, the eh people said I really shouldnt have any concern about that and to initiate first with any match that was of interest to me. So now I dont have a problem with doing that, but still, hardly any respond, guess its just me though, I dont get very many matches either. But as you can see, from when I first began until now, I have changed my opinion on this issue.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #68  December 14,2009, 10:04pm
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zana wrote :
But in saying that, generally, I give plenty of very clear signs that I am into a man.
What are the signs that you feel are clear?
 
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gcoleman99 is offline gcoleman99 Post #69  December 24,2009, 3:31pm
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I just joined today, so I'm not quite sure yet how I'm going to work things in the future, but... basically, I've sent icebreakers to all those that I am initially interested in from my contact list (one sent me one first, prompting me to get off the fence and actually join ). If I get no response within 2 weeks, I'll figure they're not interested, they've left the site, or they're not a paying member and I'll close them. If I do get a response, whether it's a return icebreaker or questions or whatever, I'll go on from there. Incidentally, this is a 3 month experiment for me, so if I don't get to an OC (finally figured out what that meant) by the end of my time, I'll bail.

BTW, I was very flattered by the wink. Maybe I'm just a pushover...
Last edited by gcoleman99; December 24,2009 at 3:36pm. Reason: added a line
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #70  December 24,2009, 7:51pm
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Hi, GColeman! Welcome to the advice boards (and eH itself). I have heard from veteran eH members that sending an icebreaker is likely to be interpreted as coming from a non-paying member. An icebreaker is the only form of communication possible for someone who hasn't subscribed. You should send first questions instead, if your choice is Guided Communication.

Check out the "Using eHarmony" discussion board here, under "Dating Advice Boards" for more advice regarding how to get the most out of eH, and good luck!
 
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