FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #51  July 12,2009, 7:08am
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PhotoSavy wrote :
YES, men should make the first move. I love it when a guy is strong enough to send questions, ask a woman out. It's not like it's marriage. It is just geting know the other person.
This is actually the correct "old school" attitude for a woman to have about courtship. It's an example of the kind of test a lady would use to gauge a suitor's manliness.
 
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ohseejane is offline ohseejane Post #52  July 29,2009, 12:04am
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On eH the most forward thing I do is send an icebreaker. But most of the time I just wait and hope the guys will send me questions. It's very important for a man to make the first move. A man without enough confidence to signal his interest is like a table without legs: not much use. What you wrote in your hobbies/interests makes me think you are a fairly interesting guy. Even if you are not traditionally good looking, there's got to be SOME women who will be attracted by the things you say. It may only be two percent of those to whom you send a first set of questions to, but in the end, you only need ONE woman, right?
 
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Ziterrious is offline Ziterrious Post #53  August 14,2009, 6:14pm
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WOW a lot of interesting reading on this topic, I enjoyed it, however I am a bit confused, it seems that there are two topics mixed into one.

meeting someone of the opposite gender
and
making the first move

Now maybe I'm wrong or maybe it's just the way I was raised or even the generation I'm from, I don't really know.

But I do know this, I have no problem meeting and talking with any woman about any topic, however simply meeting them is NOT the first move?? ....or do you feel it is??..... I usually will wait till she shows some sort of personal interest in me ( and that could be a number of things the questions she is asking me the way she responds to me the list is endless and you all know what I mean YOU just can tell) and I would wait till i picked up on that before making the first move, ie getting a bit more personal with the conversation or asking her out for dinner or the such ( now of course this applies to RL I'm too New at the participation on this Dating web site ) But just because a woman speaks to me does not mean she is interested in me as a personal relationship goes. And just because I talk to a woman does not mean that I am seeking one with her either.

So as for the way I was Raised, until a woman shows some sort of interest in me personally then it would be improper of me to pursue her as far as a personal relationship goes. which would bring me to a dilemma on this site if I am wrong.
 
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marmer is offline marmer Post #54  August 16,2009, 8:35am
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I definitely don't pursue a man, maybe it is a double standard but if a man is really interested in me, he will pursue me. I was raised to believe that if a woman initiates things, she is perceived as desperate and not the kind of female a man wants to commit to. Is this true? I learned a lot from the book "He's just not that into you". What do men think of that book?
Last edited by marmer; August 16,2009 at 8:38am. Reason: Forgot a question mark
 
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melman is offline melman Post #55  August 16,2009, 12:30pm
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Men don't read those books. And men don't want to deal with women that read those books.

Now as far as eH is concerned, you know that at least 75% of your matches are Just Plain Not There, right? Most of them will never view you, much less contact you. To make eH actually do something useful for you, you need to use the tools that it makes available.

That said, if you view eH simply as a tool to broaden your social circle, and do not view every match as a "relationship" who must "pursue" you... but simply as a new person to meet... your eH experience might end up being helpful to you. But I guarantee that if you are waiting to be pursued, you're setting yourself up for failure, or at best for blind luck.
Last edited by melman; August 16,2009 at 12:36pm.
 
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marmer is offline marmer Post #56  August 16,2009, 1:45pm
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melman wrote :
Men don't read those books. And men don't want to deal with women that read those books.

Now as far as eH is concerned, you know that at least 75% of your matches are Just Plain Not There, right? Most of them will never view you, much less contact you. To make eH actually do something useful for you, you need to use the tools that it makes available.

That said, if you view eH simply as a tool to broaden your social circle, and do not view every match as a "relationship" who must "pursue" you... but simply as a new person to meet... your eH experience might end up being helpful to you. But I guarantee that if you are waiting to be pursued, you're setting yourself up for failure, or at best for blind luck.
Wow, you sound offended. I am definitely not waiting around to be "pursued". I simply answered the question...as for the"tools", what are you referring to? If I offended you, sooo sorry, but you shouldn't make assumptions about someone's answer to a question. Additionally, don't know about you but I joined to find my match...not to broaden my social circle.
 
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marmer is offline marmer Post #57  August 16,2009, 2:48pm
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Oh, yeah, one more thing...you didn't have to be so sarcastic and snotty in your reply
 
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melman is offline melman Post #58  August 16,2009, 3:53pm
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marmer wrote :
I am definitely not waiting around to be "pursued".
Oh? In another thread, you wrote

wrote :
I have my picture posted, but still no communication so I have to wonder if men are not responding because of the way I look, or is it my profile? Very frustating!
I was simply trying to offer the advice that we offer all new users here. You are fretting about a lack of responses. You bought into the TV ads and it's driving you nuts that "the love of your life" hasn't dropped from the sky yet. (I will attribute the bitterness of your response, to this frustration.) It messes with your mind. You start hacking your profile, changing your pictures... oh, where are they??? Is it me?

Everyone goes through this, until they realize that most of their matches are lapsed accounts or trial members that never paid. Some people here get hundreds of matches without meeting anyone at all.
wrote :
as for the"tools", what are you referring to?
The tools that eH makes are available to you are - to contact your matches and use the communication process. There are no rules about who has to make the first move, etc.

wrote :
I joined to find my match...not to broaden my social circle.
And again, you need to understand that eH is just a tool to meet people. It's not magic. Maybe this is something that everyone needs to learn for themselves. The ads create unreasonable expectations.

Was that snotty enough?
 
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marmer is offline marmer Post #59  August 17,2009, 6:06am
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Not quite snotty enough, just rude.
 
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LaurieAnne is offline LaurieAnne Post #60  September 18,2009, 7:22pm
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zenmerlin wrote :
I am posting this here because I am interested in what people in this age group think.

I tend to be somewhat shy; I tend to be a good listener. Ok here it is we are at an online dating site I’m not sure what the rules are. Personally I would be very flattered and open to have a woman take some interest in me and start the ball rolling.

So I am wondering do women feel comfortable taking the first step?

As I was writing this I had the idea that I am shy, my match is shy how will we ever meet??????
Cupid help, please intervene.
Men have it tough so I give you credit for asking. It is always great to be approached first BUT a smart woman let's him believe it was all his idea in the first place! The belief they have an edge does wonders for their confidence.
 
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