bootsnbeaches is offline bootsnbeaches Post #21  November 22,2008, 11:30am
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mtw,299369 wrote :

Based on how you phrased your op, I'm assuming you are talking about on eH and not real life. After spending entirely too much time here on eHA, several ideas have sunk in for me:





You are paying to do this, so try to get your money's worth. Your matches don't "know" you, if you make the first move and they aren't interested, it is not personal. Way too many people are waiting for the other person to make the first move. Remember that there are a substantial number of non-paying profiles so if you don't get any response or even a close, it is possible that they cannot respond (they have to join first) or they may not even be seeing your communication- they may have done the profile, decided not to join and never turned off matching.





I (a female) have had very few matches make the first move. I have sent first questions to some, but as a female that is still tough to do. If you want to find a special woman, try being the one to send the first communication and let her flatter you in other ways later in the relationship. The guided communication makes it pretty easy, even if you're shy.
Great advice, and so true. Thanks for the information on the "closed" communication. I agree with you 100%, the men like to be the ones to make the first move, they are just afraid of rejection, just like us females.
 
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justasking is offline justasking Post #22  December 8,2008, 4:13pm
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I just posted in a general site about men making the first move. I would love for a man to take interest first.. I would hope that he not only looks at my photo but reads my profile.. I feel that a man should make the first move because men are the hunters and I would rather have a man decide that he would like to get to know me without me pushing him
 
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Aryianna is offline Aryianna Post #23  December 11,2008, 3:55pm
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zenmerlin, wrote :
I am posting this here because I am interested in what people in this age group think.
I tend to be somewhat shy; I tend to be a good listener. Ok here it is we are at an online dating site I’m not sure what the rules are. Personally I would be very flattered and open to have a woman take some interest in me and start the ball rolling.
So I am wondering do women feel comfortable taking the first step?
As I was writing this I had the idea that I am shy, my match is shy how will we ever meet??????
Cupid help, please intervene.
I don't feel comfortable taking the first step in dating. I'm traditional when it comes to dating and relationships. I expect the man to make the initial move and to pursue.


Yes, if you and your match are both shy, you may have to wait an eternity before actions takes place.
 
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Laurie8909 is offline Laurie8909 Post #24  December 13,2008, 12:38pm
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I just joined eH three weeks ago and am new to this group...but I Do initiate contact if I am really interested...I have already had a fabulous 1st date and the topic of who started it all never came up. As long as the process gets started...who cares who goes 1st? Am I missing something? Like I said I am new.
 
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Micharmswideopen is offline Micharmswideopen Post #25  December 13,2008, 5:26pm
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Great question....I feel someone has to make a move. I think its very much agive and take. She can't make all the moves and he can't make all the moves....its a shared process I think...and if you feel compelled to do something than I say leap past the shyness and go for it!! You only live this life once....live it fully!!!
 
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NNJGal is offline NNJGal Post #26  December 14,2008, 6:03am
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It's nice when when a man makes the first move. I likeself-confidenceand a show of interest.I'm pretty open and friendly so it's not hard to meet me.Walkup to me, say "hi" and I'll dothe rest. Now how hard is that?Just keep in mind that sometimes people talk toyou out of politeness or boredom and"no" really does mean "no".
 
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tsintexas is offline tsintexas Post #27  December 29,2008, 8:23pm
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zenmerlin, wrote :
I am posting this here because I am interested in what people in this age group think.
I tend to be somewhat shy; I tend to be a good listener. Ok here it is we are at an online dating site I’m not sure what the rules are. Personally I would be very flattered and open to have a woman take some interest in me and start the ball rolling.
So I am wondering do women feel comfortable taking the first step?
As I was writing this I had the idea that I am shy, my match is shy how will we ever meet??????
Cupid help, please intervene.
I wouldn't know why any woman would not be comfotable. Say what you think, ask for what you want, live the life you deserve. That's what I think.
 
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CazzieRN is offline CazzieRN Post #28  December 30,2008, 8:37am
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I'm also quite shy and feel that the man should make the first move. But I also agree with some of the comments that suggest a man could also be just a shy and we both could be sitting around waiting for the other. I've sent a couple of 'icebreakers' thinking that might help things but then have gotten no response, not even a close, which makes me wonder why. So after I send an icebreaker should I then follow that up with beginning communication or assume there is no interest?
 
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zenmerlin is offline zenmerlin Post #29  December 31,2008, 8:34pm
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CazzieRN,402005 wrote :

I'm also quite shy and feel that the man should make the first move. But I also agree with some of the comments that suggest a man could also be just a shy and we both could be sitting around waiting for the other. I've sent a couple of 'icebreakers' thinking that might help things but then have gotten no response, not even a close, which makes me wonder why. So after I send an icebreaker should I then follow that up with beginning communication or assume there is no interest?
Hey CazzieRN,
That is great that you have sent some ice breakers!!! Part of the problem that I have with eHarmony is not knowing who is a paying member and who is not. Personally I respond to anyone that contacts me. I have sent questions to over 100 matches, at this time I have 30 pending a response. I keep people open for a while2-3 weeks and if I get no response I close them. There have been times when I have over 100 matches and it is not always easy to keep up, if there is someone that you really like why not send them a letter it may put you at the top of their search. Don’t take it personally if they do not respond because they may never receive your letter.
 
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Brazenred is offline Brazenred Post #30  January 1,2009, 2:15pm
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zenmerlin, wrote :
I am posting this here because I am interested in what people in this age group think.
I tend to be somewhat shy; I tend to be a good listener. Ok here it is we are at an online dating site I’m not sure what the rules are. Personally I would be very flattered and open to have a woman take some interest in me and start the ball rolling.
So I am wondering do women feel comfortable taking the first step?
As I was writing this I had the idea that I am shy, my match is shy how will we ever meet??????
Cupid help, please intervene.
Dear Zen Merlin,


We are all shy - hence the support of being a screen name if someone choses not too like our profile. I've been reading for years just because it makes me see that I am not the only one who wants a good relationship, but understands that life has no rules.


Flattery really gets you no where from a stranger unless you can feel that it is sincere.


I am of an age that "girls" were taught not to do that or you may get a reputation of being forward. I'm not sure if I'm shy or just respecting what my parents drilled into me. I have always played my cards close to my chest because of a broken marriage, but I know first hand through my parents that their love is eternal,have many friends who you can just see by the way they share a look that it is not about being shy, rich, poor, pretty, young orold.


I guess, that I would take the first step if a person made mecomfortable enough todo so. I make it a point to smile and say good morning every day to perfect strangers on my way into work because it amazes me that what ever they were thinking of at that moment, it stopped and they smiled back.


We are all in the same boat and if we had the answers,we wouldn't be online sharing thoughts with each other. Sometimes that's just life.
 
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