Seriousminded is offline Seriousminded Post #1  May 20,2009, 11:55pm
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Seven weeks before joining Eharmony, I was closing activity on another dating site. A guy I initially wrote to, took almost 2 weeks to write back. He said little, was impressed with: my intellectual side and my writing ability, looks, and desire to settle down and asked for my "digits." We emailed a few times and I gave him my number.

Since then, he has taken his time speaking with me. His M.O. is to email me that he will call that day or that wknd and not call for three days. He started text messaging one-liners. Example: Can't talk now, call you later.

I asked him to respect my wishes, I hate text messaging. I would leave a vm message. He would "text" back. After 3 or 4 x, he got it. He would leave a vm message. He would ask me to call at a specific time and then not be available. He would return my call 48-36 hours later. He would later tell me he decided to be with family or be with friends for the wknd in AC. One week when I did not hear from him, he had told me that he had a friend's wedding to go to. He would consistently ask me to call when I get home from school at 11 p.m., I attend night school.

Everytime I would call, it would go straight to voicemail. After a week of this, he told me that by 11p.m. he usually turns off the ringer and goes to sleep. Then why tell me to call? He always would say, call and if it goes to vm, I will call you tomorrow.

We have had only two major conversations, where I discovered for the most part that we have enough in common. He seems to be serious about a committed relationship leading to marriage and children. He says he has a house with five bedrooms, hoping to fill it with a family. During conversation no.2 within ten minutes, he wanted phone sex. I told him this is something I reserve for the guy that I am in an exclusive relationship with. I need to have a foundation of trust and develop chemistry and spend qualitative and quantitative time with someone first. His answer was, he does not actually have sex with someone right away, but there is nothing wrong with fun over the phone to help relieve tension. We are, after all, adults! I begrudgingly obliged, nothing too racy, or intense and it was for five minutes. He actually said thanks. I needed to hang up to get ready for school. He again said, call me when you get home from school tonight. I got the vm. He did not call for a few days.

About a week later, he is on the phone with me at a time when I need to get ready for school. Having expressed to him when it is best to speak, he insists on calling when it is not an opportune time or when I can no longer pick up the phone.

I told him I thought he forgot about me and moved onto greener pastures as he did not return my call for five days. He said nobody is greener then me. I took this with a grain of salt. He said he wanted to go out on a date, but as soon as he asked if I was available that weekend, he then renegged by saying he might have plans with a guy friend and he was not sure which wknd it was taking place. He then said, maybe next week.

My response at this point (after several weeks of waiting) was to tell him, since he is not working and I am not working and attend school at night; why not meet during the day, during the week for coffee or a light lunch? How open-minded is he, I asked. He said he likes to go out on the weekend at night to date, but could be convinced to meet during the day on a wk day. Then he said, he will be adventurous and call me the day he decides to take me out with maybe an hour or two notice. I did not respond, but to say I have to go.

Almost two weeks have gone by since then. The last correspondence was me leaving my last message at 11p.m., going straight to voicemail. He decided to call, guess when? 7:05 p.m. when he new my class had just started. He said he figured I was in class, but called to tell me he had been sick, and why have I not called? He left word that he wants to know if I am available this wknd for a date. Since I did not get the message until break, I called his house at 8:45 p.m. I got the voicemail. I told him I hope he is feeling better and that he should call me back tomorrow.

I had decided to stay cautiously aloof, rather than make another attempt in the 2 wk period to contact him again. It is my feeling that he either is not that interested or he is otherwise spoken for and rarely available, looking to play the field. The other possibility is that he is just one of those guys that really takes his time dating and getting to know someone and thinks nothing of not keeping in touch for long periods of time.

Inconsistent phone conversations and the "five-minute" steamy phone call aside, we actually have things in common and got along well enough on the phone. He has even referenced that if we hit it off, and fall in love, he will want me to move in with him so I do not have to worry about paying rent while I finish school. In a perfect world, if I were in an established relationship with a guy for six months or a year and this was the situation, I would have no qualms. But I find it strange for a guy that has not met me to consistently tell me this everytime we talk.

Do I call him on his behavior, tell him I am no longer interested as I have been corresponding with a few members from another site, or give him the benefit of the doubt and agree to finally meet him?

Sorry for the long-windedness, but thought it best to give you all the details, so you can make an educated decision on my behalf.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

Cheers, Elka.
 
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yoz is offline yoz Post #2  May 21,2009, 8:14pm
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I have a similar situation. Actions speak louder than words and there is no reason for why u should be guessing if he were truly interested now, or if ever in being truly committed to you. It is not hard to meet. Stop making excuses fo him. If he wanted to hook up, call, he would. Men enjoy a chase. We're not suppossed to chase them. Also, if you have to chase he may not be worth catchinh. Listen to you instincts too first.They don't lie.trusy gut, move on, if he's serious he'll get his act together....Get Steve Harvey's new book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man."It is a good read in the eyes of a man from a man. Some men are fishing to catch keepers while others want throwbacks. Some fisherman live to simply fish.
 
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sammysamuari is offline sammysamuari Post #3  May 22,2009, 1:38am
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Hmm, I think you have already answered your own question. Walk away. There is way too much drama and he has shown no respect. Move on.
 
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CM001 is offline CM001 Post #4  May 22,2009, 3:30am
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I personally would move on. It sounds like he is playing games, who needs that? Do you?

He seems to always to busy making excuses after making plans like he wants to see you. Maybe he's on the sly and already in a relationship, trying out the greener pasture game and keeping you on the stringer for future "use".

I personally would be done with the game he is playing what ever it is. This is been going on a while. A man can't be that busy to break plans that many times, if he really and truely "wants" to see you. It sounds like he hasn't even actually committed to a definate time and place to meet. Just leading you on like you will hook up with him.

I'd be very leary of this type of man. Don't be desperate girl! Get what you deserve not whats given to you. Don't settle for what just comes you way.

Remember people lie and not everyone is truthful. Sounds to me this guy lies to make excuses playing what ever game he is into. Don't settle! You won't be happy later on if you do.
Last edited by CM001; May 22,2009 at 3:41am.
 
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BlueberriesandWine is offline BlueberriesandWine Post #5  May 22,2009, 6:41am
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ALWAYS trust your gut! This guy scares me. He is disrespectful and is playing games with you. Do yourself a favor and move on before you end up hurt. You are worth more than that.
 
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MommyGetCoffee is offline MommyGetCoffee Post #6  May 22,2009, 5:03pm
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I agree with Blueberries&Wine. This fellow's complete disregard for your boundaries and his ability to get you to stretch your boundaries are unacceptable. If this is how he acts at this stage, what will he be like when he's feeling confident of your interest/affection? Run!
 
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gigi92201 is offline gigi92201 Post #7  May 22,2009, 6:12pm
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I can't believe you are still communicating with this guy! Cut him loose!
Gigi
 
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artsylady is offline artsylady Post #8  May 25,2009, 3:39pm
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Two words - Move On!
 
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azizasafiya is offline azizasafiya Post #9  May 26,2009, 6:12am
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he is involved, tell him to take a hike.
 
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ThaddeusJohn is offline ThaddeusJohn Post #10  May 31,2009, 6:36pm

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Hi SeriousMinded,
Give yourself a break and cut him off immediately. He's totally unsafe and too unstable for you to be around.
 
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