123hotstuff is offline 123hotstuff Post #1  April 23,2009, 8:18am
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honest men are a rare breed they are incapable of being trueful. Not all are like that just the ones i meet. I am 42 a very attractive lady independent, out spoken and i am very honest so tell me ladies is it me or gthe men
 
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lilly1234 is offline lilly1234 Post #2  April 24,2009, 4:48pm
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123hotstuff, wrote :

honest men are a rare breed they are incapable of being trueful. Not all are like that just the ones i meet. I am 42 a very attractive lady independent, out spoken and i am very honest so tell me ladies is it me or gthe men
Well, I do not have a lot of experience with eH but, the one guy I did hit it off with, at least initially. was not truthful. When I asked pointed questions, he was very vague and never really answered them. He only contacted me during the day from work or late at night or the wee hours of the morning. In the end I found out that he was in a relationship and had a criminal record... thank God for background searches. I do still have hope that there are honest men out there who are looking for the samething I am... a real honest and open relationship.
 
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WeDesignOurLives is offline WeDesignOurLives Post #3  April 24,2009, 5:37pm
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123hotstuff, wrote :

honest men are a rare breed they are incapable of being trueful.
How do you know? What's your test? (And why do you even meet them...can't you test them over the phone?)
 
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legend29 is online now legend29 Post #4  April 25,2009, 4:15pm
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Hmmm...in my experience, people (men & women) are honest all the time. We just tend to not see the red flags, or think we can change a person.


Men and women send out signals all the time, and if we just take the time to listen we will hear their 'true selves'.


IMO, we women tend to ignore the red flags ofmen that come on to strong, or men that always seem to say the right things early in a relationship. On the other hand, men sometimes reach for women they know are 'bad news' but because they are young and nubile, they put up with mendacity.


I think themixed-signals between men and women generates from mind-sets (on both sides) whereboth gendersare 'reaching' far beyond their means. This does not mean that we should settle..by any stretch of the word...but if you still have the same mental check-off list from when you were in your 20's, you may be setting yourself up for a false reality...a veritable fantasy world, that no one can meet.
 
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wistbro is offline wistbro Post #5  April 27,2009, 1:21pm
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123hotstuff, wrote :

honest men are a rare breed they are incapable of being trueful. Not all are like that just the ones i meet. I am 42 a very attractive lady independent, out spoken and i am very honest so tell me ladies is it me or gthe men
Far be it from me to suggest that men tendhave more honesty than women - so I won't - but I bet you and I could play "Dueling banjo's" with stories of when the opposite sex has leftus feeling mislead ordeceived from that character flaw.


Which is exactly what it is - a character flaw - not a missing DNA item if you will.


I will give you my red flag tip of a dishonest person though, they are usuallythe first assume the dishonesty of another. Just my opinion. Accomplished liarsassume everyone else around them lie too. That makes them a little easier to spot - at least it has for me.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #6  April 28,2009, 8:20am
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I know some pretty dishonest, conniving, bitterwomen. They're the ones who lie about their age, whether they have children at first, their weight, put up old pictures on their profiles, tell the man what they want to hear so they can get what they want (whatever that is for them), and then pull a bait and switch when the guy really starts to like them. And they don't realize how hard they make it for nice ladies like me, who lay it on the line and tell it upfront from the beginning. See,a decent man has an encounter with a lying woman and if he's hurt bad enough, he mistrusts ALL women. Isn't that how it works with us ladies? Isn't that how you feel, OP? So along comes decent man across my path,and he's already got a chip on his shoulder, already prepared for the games he thinks I'm going to play, already got his game going as a fallback for when he thinksI'm going to prove him right. He's emotionally closed off, hesitant, maybeeven suspicious, not affectionate at all (because why put in all the effort to be affectionate to another hussy who is eventually just going to lie to him), and acts generally indifferent. The only time I talk to him is when I call him. I'm trying to let him know I'm into him, so I send him text messages during the day just to say hi. But he's not moved, he still thinks I'm the typical golddigger, out to get his money. He may think of me from time to time, but he doesn't do anything to let me know that I'm the least bit special to him. So I think I'm just another chick.And I become frustrated, feeling like I'm the only one making any effort in this thing, andeven though I try to talk to him about it, he just can't let his guard down. So I leave him alone. I can't convince him that I'm not like other women who have hurt him, butyou can't convince him that I'm not, even though he never really gave me a chance.


It works both ways, and to equally detrimental results for all.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #7  April 28,2009, 12:27pm

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123hotstuff, wrote :

honest men are a rare breed they are incapable of being trueful. Not all are like that just the ones i meet. I am 42 a very attractive lady independent, out spoken and i am very honest so tell me ladies is it me or gthe men
And who said some women weren't sexually biased?
 
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wistbro is offline wistbro Post #8  April 29,2009, 10:38am
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Jacquiem,596846 wrote :

I know some pretty dishonest, conniving, bitterwomen. They're the ones who lie about their age, whether they have children at first, their weight, put up old pictures on their profiles, tell the man what they want to hear so they can get what they want (whatever that is for them), and then pull a bait and switch when the guy really starts to like them. And they don't realize how hard they make it for nice ladies like me, who lay it on the line and tell it upfront from the beginning. See,a decent man has an encounter with a lying woman and if he's hurt bad enough, he mistrusts ALL women. Isn't that how it works with us ladies? Isn't that how you feel, OP? So along comes decent man across my path,and he's already got a chip on his shoulder, already prepared for the games he thinks I'm going to play, already got his game going as a fallback for when he thinksI'm going to prove him right. He's emotionally closed off, hesitant, maybeeven suspicious, not affectionate at all (because why put in all the effort to be affectionate to another hussy who is eventually just going to lie to him), and acts generally indifferent. The only time I talk to him is when I call him. I'm trying to let him know I'm into him, so I send him text messages during the day just to say hi. But he's not moved, he still thinks I'm the typical golddigger, out to get his money. He may think of me from time to time, but he doesn't do anything to let me know that I'm the least bit special to him. So I think I'm just another chick.And I become frustrated, feeling like I'm the only one making any effort in this thing, andeven though I try to talk to him about it, he just can't let his guard down. So I leave him alone. I can't convince him that I'm not like other women who have hurt him, butyou can't convince him that I'm not, even though he never really gave me a chance.


It works both ways, and to equally detrimental results for all.
J -


I find your anaylsis on this very inciteful - I guess what it boils down to is each person'sinability to deal with a broken trust. And when that happens - how does someone of either gender - deal with it? Becoming leery of the "next go-round" to the point of expecting that trust to be broken again as an inevitable... but losing out because of it - not giving the next person a fair chance because of the emotional baggage/damage already done.


In regards to women - I believe they are much better equipt to forgive and forget and move on. Guys who get bruised and burnedhavevery little chance to overcome itbecause it strikes them right in thecenter of their most sensitive anatomical area... their male ego.


"Trust, but Verify". So how do we verify? Maybe we get stuck on always trying to verify and never reallyallow the "Trust" part to come out. That or our bitterness requires exacting a measure of payback - that may come in the form of extreme jealousy or in the form of emotional indifference.


If you run into guys like that by the way, don't waste too much effort - but - it sounds like you already came to that conclusion. At least not unless you intend to play nursemaid to his hangup.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #9  April 30,2009, 1:13pm
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wistbro,598182 wrote :

Jacquiem,596846 wrote :


I know some pretty dishonest, conniving, bitterwomen. They're the ones who lie about their age, whether they have children at first, their weight, put up old pictures on their profiles, tell the man what they want to hear so they can get what they want (whatever that is for them), and then pull a bait and switch when the guy really starts to like them. And they don't realize how hard they make it for nice ladies like me, who lay it on the line and tell it upfront from the beginning. See,a decent man has an encounter with a lying woman and if he's hurt bad enough, he mistrusts ALL women. Isn't that how it works with us ladies? Isn't that how you feel, OP? So along comes decent man across my path,and he's already got a chip on his shoulder, already prepared for the games he thinks I'm going to play, already got his game going as a fallback for when he thinksI'm going to prove him right. He's emotionally closed off, hesitant, maybeeven suspicious, not affectionate at all (because why put in all the effort to be affectionate to another hussy who is eventually just going to lie to him), and acts generally indifferent. The only time I talk to him is when I call him. I'm trying to let him know I'm into him, so I send him text messages during the day just to say hi. But he's not moved, he still thinks I'm the typical golddigger, out to get his money. He may think of me from time to time, but he doesn't do anything to let me know that I'm the least bit special to him. So I think I'm just another chick.And I become frustrated, feeling like I'm the only one making any effort in this thing, andeven though I try to talk to him about it, he just can't let his guard down. So I leave him alone. I can't convince him that I'm not like other women who have hurt him, butyou can't convince him that I'm not, even though he never really gave me a chance.


It works both ways, and to equally detrimental results for all.


J -


I find your anaylsis on this very inciteful - I guess what it boils down to is each person'sinability to deal with a broken trust. And when that happens - how does someone of either gender - deal with it? Becoming leery of the "next go-round" to the point of expecting that trust to be broken again as an inevitable... but losing out because of it - not giving the next person a fair chance because of the emotional baggage/damage already done.


In regards to women - I believe they are much better equipt to forgive and forget and move on. Guys who get bruised and burnedhavevery little chance to overcome itbecause it strikes them right in thecenter of their most sensitive anatomical area... their male ego.


"Trust, but Verify". So how do we verify? Maybe we get stuck on always trying to verify and never reallyallow the "Trust" part to come out. That or our bitterness requires exacting a measure of payback - that may come in the form of extreme jealousy or in the form of emotional indifference.


If you run into guys like that by the way, don't waste too much effort - but - it sounds like you already came to that conclusion. At least not unless you intend to play nursemaid to his hangup.
You know, I used to spenda lot of time and energy trying to convince men that "I'm not like all the other women you've met." Then I realized what a losing game that is for me. I'm always doing all the "proving;" they were never usually doing anything to prove to me they were good men. They were just waiting to be satisfied that I didn't want anything from them. So I stopped jumping through the hoops. We either like each other and we both let our guards down a little and let each other in gradually, or this is a waste of time.


I don't know if we're (women)better equipped to forgive (I don't believe we forget - I think we forgive and move on and the sting of what happened lessens over time, suggesting that forgiving is not a one-time act but an ongoing process that has to be consciously worked at). Hmmmm. As I type, I'm thinking that maybe we are. I'm not sure. I have to think about that some.


Yes, the male ego. You talk about a mystery! You think WE'RE mysterious? Dude, we don't understand the male ego AT ALL!! Okay, I don't understand the male ego at all!!!


I do think some people get stuck stuck stuck stuck on the verify and never get to the trust part. But you have to trust people at some point. There is no love without trust. So if you can't bring yourself to let the guard down a little bit to trust someone, you can't ever love them, and you certainly can't let them in to love you.


If you continue to think that all or even most of one group is evil, bad, pigs, golddiggers, tramps, harlots, insert favorite derogatory term here, you'll never trust one of them enough to really love them. To that person I say, that's so sad for you.
 
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wistbro is offline wistbro Post #10  April 30,2009, 3:03pm
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Jacquiem,599736 wrote :

wistbro,598182 wrote :


Jacquiem,596846 wrote :


You know, I used to spenda lot of time and energy trying to convince men that "I'm not like all the other women you've met." Then I realized what a losing game that is for me. I'm always doing all the "proving;" they were never usually doing anything to prove to me they were good men. They were just waiting to be satisfied that I didn't want anything from them. So I stopped jumping through the hoops. We either like each other and we both let our guards down a little and let each other in gradually, or this is a waste of time.


I don't know if we're (women)better equipped to forgive (I don't believe we forget - I think we forgive and move on and the sting of what happened lessens over time, suggesting that forgiving is not a one-time act but an ongoing process that has to be consciously worked at). Hmmmm. As I type, I'm thinking that maybe we are. I'm not sure. I have to think about that some.


Yes, the male ego. You talk about a mystery! You think WE'RE mysterious? Dude, we don't understand the male ego AT ALL!! Okay, I don't understand the male ego at all!!!


I do think some people get stuck stuck stuck stuck on the verify and never get to the trust part. But you have to trust people at some point. There is no love without trust. So if you can't bring yourself to let the guard down a little bit to trust someone, you can't ever love them, and you certainly can't let them in to love you.


If you continue to think that all or even most of one group is evil, bad, pigs, golddiggers, tramps, harlots, insert favorite derogatory term here, you'll never trust one of them enough to really love them. To that person I say, that's so sad for you.
I've been jumping through those hoops lately with a friend of mine whohas probably many good reasons not to trust men again - at least I'm trying to jump through them. Pretty sure she knows that I'm trustworthy, but probably thinks of other reasons to dodge the idea of having a different kind of relationship with me.... who the heck knows. Probably more likely that I'm just a little too older for her and don't have enough "sweetness" to be a viable Sugardaddy. Reality bites, sometimes. It's all good though. I'm not one to pine over those women. (yeah, right)


Forgiveness is a quality of love and like SK said in Pet Semetary "... the soil of a man's heart is stonier". I think women , more often than men have better soil - if you will.


Can't even begin to school anyone on male ego issues, but if your my lady then your MINE! Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. Not that I think I own you, but my ego thinks that - somewhere, deep down, I believe it does. And when a guys' ego is in total control of his mind.... ie. narcistic ie. OJ -run Juice run!... then rotsa ruck - cause there's nothing worse than that.
 
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