stopherdude is offline stopherdude Post #1  May 10,2008, 9:11pm
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While i'm not a single parent my mom was. i saw the types of issues she had to go through and i was the one (being the youngest) who heard and saw her crying. I understand it's hard for young singles to find someone whose willing to accept them and their child. Being only 22 i find the concept of walking into a relationship with a single mom extremely frightening. Of course dating in itself is scary enough but now the added pressure of whether or not this person is looking for someone their child can call dad, or uncle Tom. Even though i am only 22 i don't shy away from dating single mothers. I don't single them out but i also don't close them out. If i find a girl interesting and someone i feel like i can have a connestion with why should her having a child dissuade me. I understand that having children is a major responsibility, but isn't that fact that most of us are Eharmony members show, in a way, we are looking for more responsibility because heaven knows that commitment to one person is MAJOR responsibility.

I also understand that single parents have to be EXTREMELY careful. You never want to invite the wrong person into your life because you looking after your child now and your child is more important than your feeling alone.

I was just hoping to hear a few people opinion on dating young single parents. It's a tight rope walk and fairly so, but how does being a single parent effect the choices that you make.
 
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chunkymonkeylvr is offline chunkymonkeylvr Post #2  May 11,2008, 7:46pm
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It is rough for the single parents as well. I know from my experience that it is just plain rough dating or finding someone worth my time to date. There is the awkwardness of it all. I know that for me that I am not looking for someone to be my childs dad when I am dating. There are soo many different levels that I want to get to know him to see if he is someone that I want to get to know before I even take it to the next level. Of course the entire time of the date or dating both parties are thinking could this person be someone that I would like my child to meet, and the opposite side is thinking am I ready to take something like that on if it ever comes to that?

I cannot stand any of it lol but it is the boat I am in and will be. I do know that no one meets my daughter until I know this is the person that I will marry. That way no one gets hurt and no one looses a relationship that they were more or less forced into.
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #3  May 11,2008, 8:27pm
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I hate dating being a single mom. I have little time as it is and sometimes I get stressed out trying to "fit" people into my life. However, I really want to spend time with those people or that special person. Not only do I have the single mom thing going on, but I work night shift. So, yeah two strikes for me. I've had several guys say that if I wasn't a single mom and if my schedual weren't strange then I'd be awesome. Well, I personally think I'm pretty cool and worth any trouble I'm putting someone through. I hope someone else other then me eventually comes to that same conclusion.
 
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SodaPirate is offline SodaPirate Post #4  May 12,2008, 5:32am
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I tried dating a single parent, my first boyfriend (for narrating purposes I'm going to call him Bob), but there are more than just the pitfalls of the child and the possibility of being a step-parent because taking on a ready built family means you also have to take on relations with the child's other parent and their family.

With my experience that did not work so well, the mother of Bob's son hated the very idea of Bob dating again. So to express her displeasure she refused to let Bob see or even talk to his son and started having the boy call her brand new husband "dad." It was a mess and to make matters worse the former in-laws were also gunning against us.

The relationship ended, not because of the mess with the child or the ex but for other reasons. Still after that I've been wary of dating guys with kids, so I totally feel the pain.
 
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jadedu714 is offline jadedu714 Post #5  October 21,2008, 2:25pm
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SweetKatieA,107501 wrote :

I hate dating being a single mom. I have little time as it is and sometimes I get stressed out trying to "fit" people into my life. However, I really want to spend time with those people or that special person. Not only do I have the single mom thing going on, but I work night shift. So, yeah two strikes for me. I've had several guys say that if I wasn't a single mom and if my schedual weren't strange then I'd be awesome. Well, I personally think I'm pretty cool and worth any trouble I'm putting someone through. I hope someone else other then me eventually comes to that same conclusion.
Kudos to you for your last 2 lines!! I'm a single mom too and like you, hate dating. I had a guy tell me once that it sucked I was a single mom cause if not, we would have been great together. I was bummed at first but then was just plain offended. I love my little man and don't regret being a single mom ever!! I think its time we quit lettingguys like thatmake us feel inferior when its them who obviously can't handle the obligations and responsibilities that we do on a daily basis. GO US!! Lol
 
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SweetKatieA is offline SweetKatieA Post #6  October 22,2008, 11:54am
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jadedu714,302727 wrote :

SweetKatieA,107501 wrote :


I hate dating being a single mom. I have little time as it is and sometimes I get stressed out trying to "fit" people into my life. However, I really want to spend time with those people or that special person. Not only do I have the single mom thing going on, but I work night shift. So, yeah two strikes for me. I've had several guys say that if I wasn't a single mom and if my schedual weren't strange then I'd be awesome. Well, I personally think I'm pretty cool and worth any trouble I'm putting someone through. I hope someone else other then me eventually comes to that same conclusion.


Kudos to you for your last 2 lines!! I'm a single mom too and like you, hate dating. I had a guy tell me once that it sucked I was a single mom cause if not, we would have been great together. I was bummed at first but then was just plain offended. I love my little man and don't regret being a single mom ever!! I think its time we quit lettingguys like thatmake us feel inferior when its them who obviously can't handle the obligations and responsibilities that we do on a daily basis. GO US!! Lol
Amen sista!
 
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mommaspider is offline mommaspider Post #7  December 15,2008, 12:17am
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I'm the single parent of a three-year-old, and I find it almost as difficult to find dating situations as single people without kids thinking about dating single parents find it. I actually had a conversation about my best guy friend, who wants to find someone without kids. He went on a date with a single mom, to test the waters, and I told him to step into my shoes before he gave up on the girl. I told him that we deserve love, too, and if a parent can be so devoted to their children, there's no reason in the world they can't share that same devotion to the man or woman they come to love in their lives. He was afraid that she wouldn't open up to him like he would for her, but I reminded him that as a parent, we have to have reserve and keep things, like our children, to ourselves until we reach that level of comfort when we trust the person we're dating so totally, that we allow ourselves to let the child(ren) be a part of that new relationship.





You know, for a while, I was getting tired of guys coming up to me and wanting to whisk me away to various states or for dates (I don't accept come-ons at a bar, nor do I give my number out, I just go to have fun), that I started outright telling them I'm a single parent. Because, after engaging conversation, they find out I've got a son and then I've wasted all that time talking to someone who seems cool but wanders off after they hear I'm a mom. Usually that made them go away really fast without the long conversations that follow normal approach- pretty sad, isn't it? My son's extremely bright, pretty obedient, healthy and I've gone through great lengths to take care of him, be the best parent I'm able. Guys are afraid of that?!?
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #8  December 20,2008, 6:23pm
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I'm a single mom; and I don't hang out in places where kids aren't welcome; so I don't have a problem with the guys that approach me because I'm usually somewhere where a lot of guys have kids. If I do go out on a "girls night" then I go to dance with my friends and have a good time. I make it clear I'm not there to meet men.


I'm not in any way knocking anyone else; and re-reading that makes it sound like I am; but I work full time and go to school full time; so I spend the great majority of free time with my little man.


I also prefer to date single dads; they understand better the trials and tribulations, you know?
 
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blueoceanna is offline blueoceanna Post #9  December 20,2008, 8:39pm
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Being a single mom is way diferent than I thought it would be, financially and emotionaly I'm peachy, it seems to be other people who have a hard time. I feel like I have a big sign around my neck screaming single mom, and people thinking that his dad and I were some kind of fling or something, again the sign screaming nonsince. Guys who over act in pretending to like kids just make me gag. I am always up front with the fact that I have a child, Ive had friends you have withheld that information till that last minute, it may not be straight up lying but its not exactly being honest either.
 
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stopherdude is offline stopherdude Post #10  December 25,2008, 1:02pm
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i just started dating a single mom a couple of months ago. things got pretty serious pretty quick and i got really close to the child. me and her talked about it and decided if i wanted i could try to assume the father role. i loved the idea. well here within the last couple of weeks things got rocky and she broke up with me. i loved her very much. more than that though i loved him. he's 9 months old and i miss him everyday i can't see him. his real fahter isn't in his life and never will be because of the circumstances. I can't even see him now and i feel like even though me and her are no longer together i would still love to be a part of his life. I can't seemt o be firends with her though. I made plans to take him out to see christmas lights that our city puts on and that day i couldn't reach her. she was no where to be found. so even though i want to be in his life she made it clear i wasn't welcome. so as hard as it was i walked away and i feel like i lost a piece of myself. i asked her what it was she didn't like that i did while we were together and she said nothing she said she liked everything about me she just didn't love me even though she wantd to. she said she did at one point but just stopped. so i don't know what to do. i still want to be in both of their lives but how do i do that if she wont let me? i got him a christmas present and left it on her front porch and walked away. i'm hoping someday things might work out but for right now i'll continue missing him and her. any advice.
 
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