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fairy_goddess fairy_goddess is offline
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Ever since the second grade, I've been told that I am very shy. Even my closest friends who I am the most comfortable around agree. The other day at work (a job I've had for four years) I had a my yearly review. Although I recievedwonderful comments, I also got some that hurt. I was told that 'I need to believe in myself more, I'm very timid, need to smilie moreand that I need more of a personality.' This caught me off guard. I feel the most confident at work and I really enjoy what I do. I felt that I started that job being shy but have really improved. In fact, I recieved a few customer service awards for being friendly and going out of my way to help. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do to fix being labeled shy? I feel embarassed to be at work now, thinking that everyone will be analyzing me.
- May 23rd, 2008, 04:17 pm
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Spider Spider is offline
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Being "outgoing" is so often thought of as the ideal personality. I wish I weren't so introverted, but really, we can't change our innate personalities. You're apparently good at your job to have garnered those awards, so I don't understand how you can be told you need "more of a personality" - the one you have seems to be working just fine.



That comment really sounds insulting. Unless your shyness is preventing you from doing your job, then your employer has no business making what amounts to a psychological assessment. You might ask them how to reconcile your outstanding customer service (as evidenced by the awards) with their remarks. And do they truly think you need to totally change your personality - I don't think it can be done.



I'd just keep doing what you're doing - remember to smile and greet your coworkers as you first meet them at work (no need to be a party-girl all day long, but that initial "good morning" goes a long way toward the "team player" image), and exchange a friendly comment every now and then.

Good luck!
- May 23rd, 2008, 07:19 pm
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pocket_full_of_sunshine pocket_full_of_sunshine is offline
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fairy_goddess, wrote :
Ever since the second grade, I've been told that I am very shy. Even my closest friends who I am the most comfortable around agree. The other day at work (a job I've had for four years) I had a my yearly review. Although I recieved wonderful comments, I also got some that hurt. I was told that 'I need to believe in myself more, I'm very timid, need to smilie more and that I need more of a personality.' This caught me off guard. I feel the most confident at work and I really enjoy what I do. I felt that I started that job being shy but have really improved. In fact, I recieved a few customer service awards for being friendly and going out of my way to help. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do to fix being labeled shy? I feel embarassed to be at work now, thinking that everyone will be analyzing me.
Those comments seem a bit harsh. There is nothing wrong with someone being shy or on the timid side - that being said, it also really depends on what you do for a living. This is a tough call becuase if you all of a sudden show up at work with a completely different personality, it could possibly come off as you being fake. I would ask to speak to your boss/supervisor and politely say that you have had some time to think about the comments presented to you at your review and was wondering if he/she had some time to discuss them with you and perhaps give you specific examples of situations and how they would suggest you go about correcting them.
- May 24th, 2008, 02:05 pm
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hazmat hazmat is offline
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You can't help or control what other people will think of you. Be yourself, you don't need to be "fixed". Shy is not an insult.

Unless your review was passed around the office, your co-workers don't know what it says anyway. And it won't matter to your friends. No reason to be embarrassed.
- May 26th, 2008, 10:33 pm
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JMWTurnerFan JMWTurnerFan is offline
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The comments also may have been intended as constructive criticism, so I wouldn't take it too harshly. Especially since they're telling you to be more confident about yourself rather than act like someone you aren't: sounds like they're saying you've got a lot to be confident about.

I agree with the others. Be yourself. Challenge yourself to expand your boundaries if you like: talk to people randomly, etc., and try to be less reserved if you want, but only if you want. And your employer's right, confidence can go a long way towards alleviating shyness. Being shy v. not being shy is an attitude thing. I've been seen as shy in some contexts, and I've been seen as outgoing and popular in others; depends upon how you approach things and how confident you are about your surroundings. If you want to change it, try opening yourself up to people randomly and see what happens.
- May 28th, 2008, 11:55 am
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fairy_goddess, wrote :
Ever since the second grade, I've been told that I am very shy. Even my closest friends who I am the most comfortable around agree. The other day at work (a job I've had for four years) I had a my yearly review. Although I recievedwonderful comments, I also got some that hurt. I was told that 'I need to believe in myself more, I'm very timid, need to smilie moreand that I need more of a personality.' This caught me off guard. I feel the most confident at work and I really enjoy what I do. I felt that I started that job being shy but have really improved. In fact, I recieved a few customer service awards for being friendly and going out of my way to help. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do to fix being labeled shy? I feel embarassed to be at work now, thinking that everyone will be analyzing me.
If I'm on the right track, you've had the same job for four years now and it sounds like this is the first performance appraisal where your "shyness" has been addressed. My question would be, who is writing your performance appraisal this year? When it comes to subjective things on a performance appraisallike shyness,you have to consider the source and sometimes take these comments with a grain of salt. Ten different supervisors could write the subjective portion of your appraisal and you would more than likely end up with tensets of differing opinions. And, they are just that, opinions. If your shyness was a problem in the work environment then it stands to reason this would have been brought up before, and you probably wouldn't have received multiple customer service awards. My advice...just be you! Maybe youre supervisor needs to tone it down a bit. Who knows?!?!?

~ C
- May 28th, 2008, 07:37 pm
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stillthesame stillthesame is offline
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some people, or i should say a lot of people seem to think there is something very wrong with shyness, i personally think its not a bad thing, but i think it makes it worse when your constantly reminded of it.i think you should be proud of your review and the fact that you like your job, dont let anyone else tell you theres something wrong with you, your fine.your the captain of your own life, so if you choose to be social and talk more, its your choice.if not, than its your choice too.
- August 13th, 2008, 07:29 pm
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firenrain firenrain is offline
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fairy_goddess, wrote :

I feel embarassed to be at work now, thinking that everyone will be analyzing me.
There's part of your problem right there. Only the person who did your review needs to be analyzing you and that is just for work. As hard as it is sometimes, it's better just to be true to yourself. If you feel confident that you are doing a great job at work, then you don't need to be concerned about anything else. I know that's easier said than done. I may talk a lot when I have someone alone, but around a lot of people, I just shut down, so I know somewhat how you feel. It's definitely a comfort level thing as much as it is a self-esteem thing. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you too- probably more than you do. Hang in there..
- August 14th, 2008, 09:34 pm
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BlackWolf BlackWolf is offline
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fairy_goddess, wrote :

Ever since the second grade, I've been told that I am very shy. Even my closest friends who I am the most comfortable around agree. The other day at work (a job I've had for four years) I had a my yearly review. Although I recievedwonderful comments, I also got some that hurt. I was told that 'I need to believe in myself more, I'm very timid, need to smilie moreand that I need more of a personality.' This caught me off guard. I feel the most confident at work and I really enjoy what I do. I felt that I started that job being shy but have really improved. In fact, I recieved a few customer service awards for being friendly and going out of my way to help. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do to fix being labeled shy? I feel embarassed to be at work now, thinking that everyone will be analyzing me.
there is nothing wrong with being labeled shy infact way back when you would be considered a proper women, back before gov. and politics, fights for rights, and racist wars wemon weren't supposed to talk they weren't supposed to touch or be touched unless they were married so shy is today's society's way of saying you are a proper and honorable women. i myself have been called diffrent titles for the way i act around people. just don't let it get to you and be the best you can be. i give you kudos for your "shyness" because there are few people in the world today who are as proper as you seem to be.


P.s. everyone analyzes everyone now days dont let it get to you and dont change who you are just because of what someone else does not like. be who you are happy with being not what others want you to be.
- August 17th, 2008, 02:54 pm
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