I couldn't help reading this forum and want to put in my two cents worth. I was first aware of being bullied when I was in second grade while attending a special classroom for hearing-impaired students. During recess and lunch periods, lots of students (all boys) chased me around and shoved me into mud puddles. As I got older, I still didn't understand why so many students were "picking" on me. One day, a teacher asked me to try something - to try and tease that person back. I tried the teacher's suggestion and guess what?! - it worked! The students were expecting me to tease or flirt them back as a way of being accepted and notto bully me around.


My suggestion would be to have your son who was "left out" do something kind-hearted such as inviting him (the bully) to a party or an event. This might show the bully that your son wants to be accepted by everyone including the bully. Having your "left out" son teasing or flirting back to the bully might also show that your son wantsthe bullyto accept him. Another suggestion is to find out what's going on in the bully's life at home. Perhaps he's picking on everyone to make himself feel good or he may be "screaming" for help at home when there's been a divorce or some other serious family matter. He may not know how to deal with that hurting and turns to picking on people to soothe that hurting.

Thanks for the feedback. Lots of details left out in the OP due to time/frustration.


My sons are twins. They have been friends with this brat for all of their lives - lives next door. I've always thought he was "odd", but they got along fine so all was well. Then within the last few months, the brat has been doing things he knows will hurt Son #1 - like ignoring him while conversing with Son 2. Making snide remarks when Son 1 jokes around with him. When Son 1 says hello to him (after being ignored), the brat grunts or ignores him some more.


They hang around the same group of friends (10 or so boys)- and so far Son # 1 is the only one the brat is trying to pick on. Son 1 is an "old soul" who honestly thinks about what other people are feeling - almost more than he does himself. And while I know that will be a great trait in a grown man, it's tough for a 12 yr old. His twin is the opposite - everything runs off his back - takes nothing personally. Has no problem "giving it right back".


Son 1 will, however, defend someone else he feels is being picked on - but somehow has not yet applied that skill to defending himself. The ex wants to tell him to put the brat in his place - yet I am the one telling him to try to ignore it - just keep being nice etc. But I can see it hurts his feelings to have a "friend" suddenly turn on him without warning. It may be different for boys (not sure, never been one of them!), but I think the brat has been feeling like he's at the bottom of the pecking order and is trying to pass that on to someone else. I think I'd like it better if he were just out and out a brat - but he hides it well. Perfect kid when his parents/teachers are around.


I just don't want to be one of "those moms". I don't want to make things worse (I certainly could have a chat with the brat's parents - I know them well enough). Other people say it's just boys being boys - but it still bothers me to see my son hurt by this. Can you really teach someone to have "thick skin"??

"Thick Skin" has to grow on you...(pun intended)


If son #1 is the only one being left out, then something happened. Your son may not even know what is was. You didn't mention the age of your children (unless I missed it). I don't think it's "Boys will be Boys", but "Kids will be Kids".


My son is 5, and there are 8 children that are in the neighborhood (no more than 2 houses apart from each other) all in the same age group. I can see the "trouble" starting all ready, and they are only in kindergarten. Sometimes it's even my son who says something out of line. (I correct him immediately) They all do it.


When "tattling" starts, I tell them all that I don't see any halos above anyone's head, so unless someone is hurt or bleeding, I don't want to hear it.


Boys usually have a way of beating each other up, and then forgetting about it 5 minutes later. I would advise getting to the bottom of it, and moving on to the next thing.