Would you forgive this?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
propchick is offline propchick Post #1  October 29,2009, 6:51pm
propchick's Avatar

believes life's all about wandering off on tangents.

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2009

Orlando

Posts: 62

See profile

I belong to a local writer's group. Almost everyone there is significantly (20-40 years) older than me, and they're all the sweetest people in the world, very supportive of each other, etc. Except, maybe, for one, and that's where I need opinions.

We meet at the beginning of the month, but my grandmother's health suddenly took a very frightening nose dive a few days before. I flew out the morning of the meeting in a panic, having been told by family that I probably wouldn't get to her "in time". While waiting at the airport, I sent a quick email to a fellow club member, someone I would describe as a casual friend, having known them for a while, and having met them outside of the club. I told him exactly what was going on, because all of the members worry when someone doesn't show up.

Anyway, his reaction to my, "Oh my god, my grandmother's dying!" email was, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I'll let everyone know, and by the way, I'm having a book signing at blah blah two days from now, so tell all of your family and friends, because it's going to be really great, and I'm totally excited, and are you going to come, and how many friends are you going to bring, etc. etc. etc..."

Now, am I over-reacting, or is that rude and thoughtless on a whole new level? (His book was published months ago, so this was far from his first signing.) He even sent me a second email, a few days later, to give me more details, and tell me about another signing. The next meeting's coming up, and while I enjoy it very much, and like the rest of the folks, I really don't feel like sitting and making small talk with this guy for a few hours. To be honest, I'd rather take his precious book and smack him upside the head with it.

Any thoughts?
 
  Reply With Quote
yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #2  October 30,2009, 6:14am
yoga_gal's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 4,782

See profile

Propchick

I agree - his email was more than a little tacky and he strikes me as self-absorbed. I would just go if I wanted to because I wouldn't want to let him keep me from something I enjoyed. I would just tend to change the subject if he gets started talking about his project for an extended period of time and try to engage other members of the group.

Best of luck. Your writers group sounds great!
 
  Reply With Quote
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #3  October 31,2009, 7:06am
brneyedangel's Avatar

would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

northeast Ohio

Posts: 4,590

See profile

yoga_gal wrote :
Propchick

I agree - his email was more than a little tacky and he strikes me as self-absorbed. I would just go if I wanted to because I wouldn't want to let him keep me from something I enjoyed. I would just tend to change the subject if he gets started talking about his project for an extended period of time and try to engage other members of the group.

Best of luck. Your writers group sounds great!
I agree with yoga_gal. Unfortunately, some people don't have much in the social graces department, and they tend to focus on themselves instead of stopping to think about what's truly happening with the person on the other end and how their words/actions/behaviors may affect that person. Don't allow him to stop you from going to this group, but don't allow him to be your focus when you go to these meetings, either.

Best wishes to you.
 
  Reply With Quote
EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #4  October 31,2009, 7:35am
EMTZ's Avatar

has quickly adapted back to her lazy lifestyle

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2007

Posts: 2,553

See profile

I agree he shouldn't have done that. However, if I were in your situation I would still do my best to simply ignore it. Unless anyone insignificant in my life does or says something that can actually harm me (physically, financially, etc), I always try to do my best not to let him/her affect my state of mind with the things s/he says or does.

Life is short. There are so many jerks out there. You usually can't control them. However, you can try to control yourself so that you won't drive yourself crazy by not letting yourself be affected by them.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #5  October 31,2009, 7:56am
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,943

See profile

EMTZ wrote :

Life is short. There are so many jerks out there. You usually can't control them. However, you can try to control yourself so that you won't drive yourself crazy by not letting yourself be affected by them.
QFT

From what you say the guy is self-absorbed and a bit of a narcissist. Why let it be skin off your nose? Anger is too good for him. He deserves pity at best.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  October 31,2009, 11:40am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,088

See profile

I'm sorry about your grandmother ... hope that all goes as well as it can.

I have found that a lot of people get very weird around death and will do and say incredibly insensitive things. It doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people ... it could just mean they cannot handle the topic. It's best to avoid people like that when death is a current issue for you. Later when life is more normal you can reconsider them.

But I wouldn't stay away from a barrel you love just because there's one toxic little bad apple in it!
 
  Reply With Quote
timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #7  October 31,2009, 11:49am
timeless2's Avatar

wants you to have a Hippo Gnu Eel!

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2008

Philliesland

Posts: 3,866

See profile

What a p00p head!
To get your mind off this mosquito,
watch the Phillies!
they're great!
 
  Reply With Quote
propchick is offline propchick Post #8  October 31,2009, 12:11pm
propchick's Avatar

believes life's all about wandering off on tangents.

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2009

Orlando

Posts: 62

See profile

Thanks, everybody! I really couldn't decide what to do, but you're right -- I'm not going to let him ruin something that I really enjoy.

And sorry, I realized after I posted that I hadn't updated. Gma's actually doing amazingly well, and is about to be "graduated" back out of hospice, because she's too healthy, yay.
 
  Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #9  October 31,2009, 4:06pm
littlebluemon…'s Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 13,649

See profile

propchick wrote :
Thanks, everybody! I really couldn't decide what to do, but you're right -- I'm not going to let him ruin something that I really enjoy.

And sorry, I realized after I posted that I hadn't updated. Gma's actually doing amazingly well, and is about to be "graduated" back out of hospice, because she's too healthy, yay.
Congrats on the good news about your Grandmother.

Yes to forgiveness, although that doesn't necessarily equate to being best buddies with the guy. It's just not worth wasting too much energy on. He's shown you who he is. Take note and move on.

Just find a new casual friend in your group to email when there's an issue. There must be at least one there who has better social graces than this guy.
 
  Reply With Quote
propchick is offline propchick Post #10  November 4,2009, 6:35pm
propchick's Avatar

believes life's all about wandering off on tangents.

Quick Study

Joined: Oct 2009

Orlando

Posts: 62

See profile

Next meeting is tomorrow morning (Thursday). Found out yesterday that somebody in the group decided that I'm the new leader, so they went and published my full name and home phone number in a freebie newsletter they send out to the whole neighborhood, and on almost ten different websites.

Well, thanks. I was hoping to go through the bother of changing my phone number just because somebody's got no common sense. I swear, this group is so much more trouble than it's worth.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« need help with malware | Chit Chat | Ever find a strange thing in your food? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Can you forgive cheating early in a relationship jazz_lover Dating 41 September 24,2009 10:40am
never forgive toCute2bstraite Relationships 0 August 14,2009 9:41pm
Can I forgive - and forget..?? vass2009 Relationships 10 July 31,2009 2:56pm
Forgive me for asking, but I've not dated for 10 yrs and need expert help! VolChick Dating 16 July 3,2009 10:00am
How do I forgive myself? charmed4261 Relationships 4 May 19,2009 4:47pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“He broke up...The best way to stay hung-up is to keep dwelling,wishing, hoping, reminiscing....Like staring at an empty bottle of booze when you are trying to quit drinking. Rather than focus on a ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“Oh how annoying - I had typed a HUGE post prompted by TheThinker's query as to why I would think it a good idea to wait 5-10 years to date/or until children are out of the house. I am too annoyed to ... ” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“This is very true. If someone has a truly old /outdated account since the questionnaire was altered then it's a decent solution. It's become an urban legend on eHA that this is a good idea. Mostly ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Shared interests and ones who are laddetts for mine.” –  ian80au

Join the “Green Flags in Profiles” discussion

“Completely cancel /delete your existing account. That will also cancel /delete all long-dead, geographically irrelevant matches. Since you are in a new area it's silly to use an old /outdated ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Removing old matches - there has to be a better way” discussion

“I'm very sorry for your loss, Suzanne. It's not surprising you're feeling confused and making some memory errors. That happened to me too when my mother died. Life just isn't normal for awhile. ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“I am closing this thread since the Original Poster (OP) was asking about the eHarmony of 2-1/2 years ago -- the thread is old (see date in the upper right of the first post). Some responses will no ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“Thanks for your advice guys, really helps out. I guess everything is a matter of balance, which isn't something that I can work out right now. I think I will focus on school for the remaining 3 years ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:32am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0