Would you forgive this?


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propchick is offline propchick Post #1  October 29,2009, 7:51pm
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believes life's all about wandering off on tangents.

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I belong to a local writer's group. Almost everyone there is significantly (20-40 years) older than me, and they're all the sweetest people in the world, very supportive of each other, etc. Except, maybe, for one, and that's where I need opinions.

We meet at the beginning of the month, but my grandmother's health suddenly took a very frightening nose dive a few days before. I flew out the morning of the meeting in a panic, having been told by family that I probably wouldn't get to her "in time". While waiting at the airport, I sent a quick email to a fellow club member, someone I would describe as a casual friend, having known them for a while, and having met them outside of the club. I told him exactly what was going on, because all of the members worry when someone doesn't show up.

Anyway, his reaction to my, "Oh my god, my grandmother's dying!" email was, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I'll let everyone know, and by the way, I'm having a book signing at blah blah two days from now, so tell all of your family and friends, because it's going to be really great, and I'm totally excited, and are you going to come, and how many friends are you going to bring, etc. etc. etc..."

Now, am I over-reacting, or is that rude and thoughtless on a whole new level? (His book was published months ago, so this was far from his first signing.) He even sent me a second email, a few days later, to give me more details, and tell me about another signing. The next meeting's coming up, and while I enjoy it very much, and like the rest of the folks, I really don't feel like sitting and making small talk with this guy for a few hours. To be honest, I'd rather take his precious book and smack him upside the head with it.

Any thoughts?
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #2  October 30,2009, 7:14am
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Propchick

I agree - his email was more than a little tacky and he strikes me as self-absorbed. I would just go if I wanted to because I wouldn't want to let him keep me from something I enjoyed. I would just tend to change the subject if he gets started talking about his project for an extended period of time and try to engage other members of the group.

Best of luck. Your writers group sounds great!
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  October 31,2009, 8:06am
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yoga_gal wrote :
Propchick

I agree - his email was more than a little tacky and he strikes me as self-absorbed. I would just go if I wanted to because I wouldn't want to let him keep me from something I enjoyed. I would just tend to change the subject if he gets started talking about his project for an extended period of time and try to engage other members of the group.

Best of luck. Your writers group sounds great!
I agree with yoga_gal. Unfortunately, some people don't have much in the social graces department, and they tend to focus on themselves instead of stopping to think about what's truly happening with the person on the other end and how their words/actions/behaviors may affect that person. Don't allow him to stop you from going to this group, but don't allow him to be your focus when you go to these meetings, either.

Best wishes to you.
 
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EMTZ is offline EMTZ Post #4  October 31,2009, 8:35am
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I agree he shouldn't have done that. However, if I were in your situation I would still do my best to simply ignore it. Unless anyone insignificant in my life does or says something that can actually harm me (physically, financially, etc), I always try to do my best not to let him/her affect my state of mind with the things s/he says or does.

Life is short. There are so many jerks out there. You usually can't control them. However, you can try to control yourself so that you won't drive yourself crazy by not letting yourself be affected by them.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  October 31,2009, 8:56am
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EMTZ wrote :

Life is short. There are so many jerks out there. You usually can't control them. However, you can try to control yourself so that you won't drive yourself crazy by not letting yourself be affected by them.
QFT

From what you say the guy is self-absorbed and a bit of a narcissist. Why let it be skin off your nose? Anger is too good for him. He deserves pity at best.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  October 31,2009, 12:40pm
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I'm sorry about your grandmother ... hope that all goes as well as it can.

I have found that a lot of people get very weird around death and will do and say incredibly insensitive things. It doesn't necessarily mean they're bad people ... it could just mean they cannot handle the topic. It's best to avoid people like that when death is a current issue for you. Later when life is more normal you can reconsider them.

But I wouldn't stay away from a barrel you love just because there's one toxic little bad apple in it!
 
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timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #7  October 31,2009, 12:49pm
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What a p00p head!
To get your mind off this mosquito,
watch the Phillies!
they're great!
 
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propchick is offline propchick Post #8  October 31,2009, 1:11pm
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Thanks, everybody! I really couldn't decide what to do, but you're right -- I'm not going to let him ruin something that I really enjoy.

And sorry, I realized after I posted that I hadn't updated. Gma's actually doing amazingly well, and is about to be "graduated" back out of hospice, because she's too healthy, yay.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #9  October 31,2009, 5:06pm
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propchick wrote :
Thanks, everybody! I really couldn't decide what to do, but you're right -- I'm not going to let him ruin something that I really enjoy.

And sorry, I realized after I posted that I hadn't updated. Gma's actually doing amazingly well, and is about to be "graduated" back out of hospice, because she's too healthy, yay.
Congrats on the good news about your Grandmother.

Yes to forgiveness, although that doesn't necessarily equate to being best buddies with the guy. It's just not worth wasting too much energy on. He's shown you who he is. Take note and move on.

Just find a new casual friend in your group to email when there's an issue. There must be at least one there who has better social graces than this guy.
 
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propchick is offline propchick Post #10  November 4,2009, 7:35pm
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believes life's all about wandering off on tangents.

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Next meeting is tomorrow morning (Thursday). Found out yesterday that somebody in the group decided that I'm the new leader, so they went and published my full name and home phone number in a freebie newsletter they send out to the whole neighborhood, and on almost ten different websites.

Well, thanks. I was hoping to go through the bother of changing my phone number just because somebody's got no common sense. I swear, this group is so much more trouble than it's worth.
 
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