eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #11  November 4,2009, 12:06pm
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Emme,

I'm so sorry this has happened and that your brother is sick.

It's a hard spot to be in, being the glue of the family, keeper of the peace, etc. I don't think you're overreacting.

Question: has anyone (or everyone) ever confronted your sister and told her to keep her mouth shut? Does she know how upsetting her actions are to those she loves?
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #12  November 4,2009, 4:33pm

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That's a good question. I have not because she and I do not get along and she would make it a polarizing issue for the rest of the family and I don't care enough about the family to really fight about it. My mother really should be the one to say something, but she is somewhat dependent on my sister now that my mom is older, and she probably doesn't want to mess that up. No one else probably cares. I prefer to chicken out and just check out of the family for a while. It's just too stressful and I'm dealing wtih enough of my own stuff to deal with that. But good question, and one of us will have to suck it up and do it soon.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #13  November 4,2009, 4:33pm

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That's a good question. I have not because she and I do not get along and she would make it a polarizing issue for the rest of the family and I don't care enough about the family to really fight about it. My mother really should be the one to say something, but she is somewhat dependent on my sister now that my mom is older, and she probably doesn't want to mess that up. No one else probably cares. I prefer to chicken out and just check out of the family for a while. It's just too stressful and I'm dealing wtih enough of my own stuff to deal with that. But good question, and one of us will have to suck it up and do it soon.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #14  November 4,2009, 5:00pm
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Your brother seems to have divorced the family in his own way. If he wanted your parents to know, he would have told them. You don't owe your parents any courtesy in that matter. If your brother finds out his privacy has been violated, he'll just further isolate himself. (as is his right)

Stay clear of the drama EM. Do something for yourself. It's not worth it.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #15  November 4,2009, 5:10pm

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I told him I told my parents, and he not only said it was ok, he thanked me. I just can't figure them out. It's like a whole bunch of people poison to me in completely different ways. I just want to move away and not see them more than once every couple of years.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #16  November 11,2009, 8:46am
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Maybe you should take a break from them for a little bit - sounds like you need to find a place you are comfortable with because you certainly are not in the place you are in.

Don't cut them off openly, just maybe try to pull back and breathe. Figure out what you want and need here. Sounds like you are spun through some of these things faster than you can think and respond to them the way you always have. Know the feeling.

You don't need to move cross country to get the distance. Create it for yourself for as long as you need it.

You can't change people, all you can do is change how you deal with them. And how you let them affect you and your moods. You have the power, now go use it.

(you have sought counselling, I know this from another thread of yours, the dr. should be able to help you with how to do this. Thing to remember: You do not want to cut anyone off permanently, while that may be your decision in the end it is not the end yet. You do need your space from all of the drama though)

Good luck

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Food for thought: Depression is just anger without enthusiasm
Last edited by Lilycat; November 11,2009 at 8:47am. Reason: OOPS, are you surprised that I forgot something?
 
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graceventually is offline graceventually Post #17  November 11,2009, 2:06pm
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I like Lilycat's quote about depression. I think there's a lot of truth there.

Emme, your parents and brother thanked you; you know you did the right thing. As for your sis, I agree with you and with others that she's going to have to be confronted about her behavior soon. She needs to stop complaining about what others have done and consider why her family doesn't trust her.

Hugs....
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #18  November 11,2009, 3:05pm

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sqg123 wrote :
He didn't want you to tell anyone but you told your parents. Now your mad because they told your sister?
He didn't tell me, his wife did. And I told him later that I told my parents and he told me it's ok if I tell them when he gets hospitalized. He wasn't mad I told them at all. He never told me not to tell my parents. He just didn't tell me himself.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #19  November 11,2009, 3:06pm

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Love that quote about depression.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #20  November 15,2009, 2:36pm
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I think you are right, and make a fine choice.

People earn their right to personal data, by their having earned it, not for having been born to it.
 
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