eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  October 14,2009, 10:52am
eHA_Admin_Lor…'s Avatar

My one wish for you, is love. :)

Moderator

Joined: Nov 2008

Santa Monica, CA

Posts: 5,120

See profile

It's gloomy in So Cal and I'm in the mood to laugh today!

Please share your favorite joke with us.

Keep it clean though -- remember, this is a family site!
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #2  October 14,2009, 4:35pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

Hope this is clean enough?

A horse and a young chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and starts to sink.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So the chicken drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to the horse and drives the car forward saving the horses life.

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole.

The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get the car.

The horse answered, "No time! But I have an idea!" So the horse places his 4 feet on each corner of the mud hole and shouts, "Grab my willy and pull yourself up!" And the chicken did, and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story is:

If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #3  October 14,2009, 4:36pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightgown. Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #4  October 14,2009, 4:36pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #5  October 14,2009, 4:37pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back.
'I'm so tired of chardonnay.'
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #6  October 14,2009, 4:38pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! You need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!'
His wife stared at him.
'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #7  October 14,2009, 4:40pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked out seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman since then.
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #8  October 14,2009, 4:44pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

I wondered as I looked one day
Why my house is such a mess
I thought ‘Had I been 'computering' ‘
And I had to answer 'yes.'
So I got up off my fanny,
Thus to tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse.
I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was only admiring my good work.
I didn't mean to 'click.'
But click, I did, and oops - I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into it -
I was into it all night.

Nothing's changed except my mouse.
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess....
Whilst I sit here on my hiney.
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #9  October 14,2009, 4:46pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

A HUSBAND COMES HOMEFROM CHURCH;

HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP. HETHENCARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE.

THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED
'DID THE BISHOP PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC'?

THE HUSBAND SAID, 'NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS!!!!'
 
  Reply With Quote
mercury12 is offline mercury12 Post #10  October 14,2009, 4:47pm
mercury12's Avatar

Smiling with life! Still miss you Wolf!

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2009

Caribbean

Posts: 100

See profile

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. 'Ollie, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic.I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ollie.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks:
'So, Ollie, How was your day?'

Ollie told him that he took care of three patients.
'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, Ollie, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ollie.

’Bravo, bravo! You're good at this. What about the third one?' asks the doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies opens and a woman enters. Quick as ever, she undresses herself, including her bra and panties, lies down on the table and shouts: ‘HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years!!’

'Good Lord, Ollie, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
?????????????????????



'I put drops in her eyes!!'
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« tell me a true ghost story that happened to you | Chit Chat | Game: Stream of Consciousness »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Tattoo/Body Art appreciation thread skip9824 About You 38 July 21,2010 10:31pm
A thread of wisdom Cloud_Strife Christian Singles 29 October 21,2009 10:34pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“He broke up...The best way to stay hung-up is to keep dwelling,wishing, hoping, reminiscing....Like staring at an empty bottle of booze when you are trying to quit drinking. Rather than focus on a ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“Oh how annoying - I had typed a HUGE post prompted by TheThinker's query as to why I would think it a good idea to wait 5-10 years to date/or until children are out of the house. I am too annoyed to ... ” –  picklesNcream

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“This is very true. If someone has a truly old /outdated account since the questionnaire was altered then it's a decent solution. It's become an urban legend on eHA that this is a good idea. Mostly ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“Shared interests and ones who are laddetts for mine.” –  ian80au

Join the “Green Flags in Profiles” discussion

“Completely cancel /delete your existing account. That will also cancel /delete all long-dead, geographically irrelevant matches. Since you are in a new area it's silly to use an old /outdated ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “Removing old matches - there has to be a better way” discussion

“I'm very sorry for your loss, Suzanne. It's not surprising you're feeling confused and making some memory errors. That happened to me too when my mother died. Life just isn't normal for awhile. ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Photo Review” discussion

“I am closing this thread since the Original Poster (OP) was asking about the eHarmony of 2-1/2 years ago -- the thread is old (see date in the upper right of the first post). Some responses will no ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“Thanks for your advice guys, really helps out. I guess everything is a matter of balance, which isn't something that I can work out right now. I think I will focus on school for the remaining 3 years ... ” –  jrw93

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:12am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0